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your hair falls out. your teeth get yellow and fucked up. your nails weaken and get ugly. you get super cold all the time. your energy gets so low that everyday tasks become extremely difficult.
and you gain all the weight back anyway and then it's ten times harder to lose because you fucked over your metabolism or you die.
i'm speaking from experience. i have starved and i have done crazy shit and i always just gained all of it back. and when i was starving i was so miserable and it just doesn't work long term.
that is harsh but the truth. i'm not going to tell you to not care about the way you look. because everyone cares about that. but the number on the scale is literally irrelevant. you can have two ppl w the exact same weight that look completely different. you yourself can be the same exact weight at different times and look totally different due to muscle/fat ratio. since you say you've let go of the emotional i'm going to keep this advice strictly logical.
when you starve yourself, you trick your body into thinking its in survival mode and then it holds onto fat and lowers your metabolism. you get pushed in a cyclical nature of losing weight and gaining it all back and it gets harder and harder. it doesn't work, has never worked, and just makes you ugly and sad.
the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to stop being scared of calories and instead eat the right ones and the right amount. if you want to fix your metabolism you have to understand calories as a fuel source not as something to be deducted. calories are simply energy. in order to limit your hunger and build muscle, you need enough energy from the right sources.
you need a good combination of protein, fiber, and carbs. you don't need to be perfect lol like i personally dont measure shit bc it's overwhelming and too much work, so just prioritize protein and try to fit in fiber and carbs here and there.
the reason i say to prioritize protein is because that's what builds muscle. building muscle is important even if you don't care about working out because muscle burns fat. when you have more muscle, your metabolism increases and you can eat more because the muscle literally burns the fat and needs more energy (calories).
fiber is important for many health reasons: cholesterol, heart health, bowel movements etc. but since you're still in an ED mindset, the biggest thing for you is that it keeps you full. foods that are high in fiber keep you full for a very very long time. so you can stay in a reasonable caloric deficit without feeling extremely hungry.
carbs. carbs are not your enemy at all. carbs are the body's main fuel source. they give you quick ready to use energy. it also prevents the proteins in your body from being used for energy. so when the body is looking for energy, instead of breaking down the proteins that you want to keep to build muscle the body will use the carbs instead. energy is important because it's what you can use to exercise and live your life.
so, prioritize protein and have a mix of the other two. i think calorie counting can be very triggering and it's easy to get really restrictive with it. so what i did was i had a protein goal (calculated based off my weight) and a fiber goal. i also drink a lot of water and just tried to eat smaller portions. my main issue was i hate food waste and feel a lot of guilt about it. so it's better for me to just start with a smaller plate and add more if im hungry.
speaking of hunger, this next step is essential.
listen to your hunger. do NOT ignore it. if you are hungry, eat. if you are not, don't.
that was the hardest thing for me to do because i always took being hungry as a sign of being skinny. but it completely fucked up my hunger signals and made everything way more difficult. when you are hungry, eat something but just be intentional about what you eat. eat something high in fiber or high in protein. it will tell your body that you aren't in starvation mode and that it is okay to let go of fat. protein bars, yogurts, and fruits are amazing for this. if you continue to not eat when you're hungry then you're fucked. you also don't want to over eat. sometimes when i was stressed or bored, i knew i wasn't hungry but i ate anyway and just made sure to eat something super low calorie. thats a Mistake. because now my body thinks i needed more food and is going to adjust accordingly.
so please, this is the way to healing your relationship with food and understanding that you aren't fighting against your body you need to work WITH it.
next essential step: trust the process.
you have to learn patience and find love in discipline. if you eat the right kinds of foods, listen to your hunger and move your body regularly (literally just walking is so good for weight loss) you Will lose weight. there is so much love in taking care of yourself. there is so much warmth in the discipline of deciding to be good to yourself. you have to get used to slow results because you need to fall in love with the process in order to keep it sustainable.
fall in love with the process and the results will come.
please trust that. it's what changed my life and how i lost 15 pounds and kept it off after 4 years of back and forth disordered eating losing weight and gaining it back.
you also need to remember that your body's purpose isn't to fit a specific standard it's to literally keep you alive. your body is doing it's best every day to keep you alive. once you understand that and feel true gratitude for that, you will really love the process of working with your body.
i have lots of emotional advice i can give but the main logical takeaways:
- starving doesnt work
- stop being scared of calories
- protein, fiber, carbs
- listen to your hunger cues
- trust the process
- patience and love is everything.
specifics:
proteins: meats, tofu, eggs, greek yogurt, lentils, almonds, cottage cheese, black beans, broccoli, cauliflower
fiber: avocado, oats, raspberries, artichoke, pears, apples, strawberries, kiwis etc. othe grains too
carbs: bread, pasta, rice, lentils, chickpeas, etc.
let me know if you have any specific questions. sending you all my love, i know this is a difficult thing to get through.
sending you love and care and patience and strength 💓
Jul 11, 2024
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you are such a sweetie for this!!! i def have experienced all the shitty stuff that comes from an ED, my problem is that my metabolism did get fucked and i’m trying to repair it through regular eating schedules. you’re answer is so so so helpful 💋. i have gained a lot of weight because my body has kicked into this like strange ”reverse diabetes” where my body over produces insulin and stores all of my food because it doesn’t know when its gonna get food again. i’ve def been having some really good breakthroughs with my mental health recently to do with this stuff and i’ve come to terms that in the process of healing my metabolism i will gain weight at first. it’s just annoying because the conventional methods of weight loss just dont work for me with the way my body is now because i’m trying to increase my caloric intake to a normal level. you don’t know how much your advice means to me you’re the best girllll xoxoxooxoxo
llq yayyyyy <333 okay im glad!! i had a feeling you'd already know some of the things i was saying but i feel like reinforcing logic always helps me get back on track and snap out of it. i truly wish you the best on your journey :))
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Food is one of the worst things for you. For most of the summer, I was having a large smoothie with whey protein isolate, egg yolks, powdered coconut oil, and frozen berries. Only for the past several days (I’m recovering from SARS COV-2) have I abandoned this highly caloric, insulin-bomb of a breakfast, replacing it with cold water, creatine, and powdered coconut oil, blended. You wouldn’t believe how much sharper I feel mentally, how much less hungry I am all morning, my neighbors have stopped complaining about my outbursts… the list goes on and on.
Oh, but back to food being bad for you. I really do think eating a ton of food is one of the worst things for you. You can read about this in my book, in which the protagonist, in an attempt to gain weight and become physically more imposing, starts eating a ton of food, and his quality of life suffers greatly. It’s a really clever commentary on masculinity and “improvement culture” in general, actually. You should read it.
I too have gone through periods of regimented physical activity (lifting weights) and eating large quantities of food, and it always leaves me feeling terrible, physically and mentally. Lately I’ve started eating huge portions of vegetables again (bag of Brussels sprouts, bag broccoli, two large zucchini) in the middle of the day and it’s been working out really nicely for me. Skin cleared up, mind feels sharp, face looks more chiseled and handsome, it’s been great.
You (the reader) should probably eat less food, just like, statistically, most people eat too much. I know that might not be true for the target audience of this newsletter, so if you have an eating disorder then you should eat a little bit more (but not too much too fast), but most people should eat less food and replace some of the food they’re already eating with more vegetables. They’ll experience great benefits from eating their first meal as a large bowl of vegetables with ghee around 2pm.
Oct 7, 2024
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and focusing instead on making reasonably healthy, self-compassionate, consistent choices and moving your body in ways that make you feel good.
We’re assaulted with numbers, data, and metrics everywhere else in life why let it creep into your relationship with food and your body!!! It takes time and practice to do this right and find balance without descending into total uninhibited hedonism but it can be freeing to live this way. Controversial perhaps…
Apr 30, 2024
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sometimes i don't want to feel hungry but food makes me feel gross. if you can drink your calories instead of eating them you can fill up quicker. and you don't have to think as much about the taste. or even chew.
i usually chuck everything into a blender. sometimes i make kits with all the ingredients before i get hungry. i know some folks would call this a smoothie. but you can think of it however you like. maybe it's a soup. maybe it's a stew. maybe it's a salad. who says you can't have a salad in liquid form?
the best part is you can pick and choose ingredients. try to figure out what your body needs. sugar? try fresh or frozen fruit! fat? use up some of that coconut oil you thought would be a good moisturizer! protein? throw in some nuts or dairy. or maybe you like protein powder. i don't. but it doesn't matter.
there are two hacks if you feel extra spicy depressed and need even more help. the first is to plug your nose. don't taste it! it's only going to be in your mouth for a few seconds. and the second? don't look at it! use a water bottle that you can't see the inside of. or just close your eyes. i used to stress about finding the right color. it would come out looking like mud and i would lose my appetite even more. don't do what i did. it doesn't need blueberries or pomegranate seeds or food coloring. if you don't like the way it tastes don't taste it. if you don't like the way it looks don't look at it.
Dec 4, 2024
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the idea that you can only fuck up and express and be beautiful and destructive and explorative and constructive in your youth is simply a myth. you are going to continue to fuck up and you are going to continue to blossom. there's no linear path and structure on that. even people in their 50's completely change their entire lives. nothing is fixed and there is no path to follow.
your life isn't over until it's over.
this narrative that once you start to age you can no longer explore and express is an oppressive, capitalist, and intentional one. also, it's just not true.
your responsibility doesn't have to be boring or restrictive. the reason why you become more responsible is because you actually care about yourself. irresponsibility isn't the same as freedom. irresponsibility can be "fun" but also destroys you. having more responsibilities to keep yourself safe and cared for isn't the antithesis to fun and life and expression.
your feelings make sense though. in college it's easier to meet people and try new things. but ease doesn't translate to quality or longevity or intrigue. but funny enough, there are 30 year olds now that probably feel the exact same way about you as you feel about the people slightly younger than you.
there is no such thing as free years in terms of spirit.
expression and exploration is available in all forms at all ages. there are always places to go, hikes to walk, friends to laugh with, mistakes to make, good food to eat, art to create, fights to have, things to fail at, lessons to be learned, and love to be felt.
you're only 23. you're about to enter a new chapter of your life where you will fuck up and you will have stories to tell, adventure to explore, feelings to express, and people to love. and that is something that will always be true.
Jul 11, 2024
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this is a 6 episode show thats more like a mini series. its directed by and starring phoebe waller bridge (fleabag). it's short, sweet, hilarious, and on netflix. highly recommend for wackiness and intrigue.
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