When I list the things that are off bounds for a first time interaction, I then realize the sheer amount of things that are in bounds! I sort of have 3 big no-no's for first time convos, and you can decide for yourself if these feel right for you:
- party politics [I leave other kinds of politics in as fair game: class warfare or the rise of fascism or the opportunity for anarchic community building, etc.]
- religion
- personal finances
there are probably others, but those are the big 3 imo.
from there, I like to ask lots of how questions:
- how did you feel when you discovered your latest favorite song? can you pinpoint why it made you feel that way?
- how did you meet the host?
- how did you get into that hobby/line of work/subculture?
- how do you find joy/inspiration/motivation in your daily life?
- how do you like to dance?
- how good is this coors/pabst/french onion dip/potato chip/music/etc?
- how long has it been since your last speeding ticket?
- how long do you think you could last without eating a potato?
etc.
you could also ask any of the fun questions that perfectlyimperfect asks:
- fave things to put on toast
- your go-to email signature
- unique staple in your fridge
BUT TRULY!!! spencerto is right: don't over do it!
Related Recs
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I totally get the temptation to ask insightful and thought-provoking questions but remember sometimes you need to keep it simple. If it's a loud party with lots of people, not everyone is going to want to have a super deep conversation with someone they just met. Small talk is annoying and tedious but sometimes it's a much-needed entry point. Meet some cool people, get their contact info, and then message them later with some big questions.
Jul 20, 2024
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I love asking friends family strangers on the internet questions I could surely answer for myself. It keeps a conversation going, or is a fantastic start. I think it can also give ppl a chance to show off and talk about stuff they’re passionate about.
May 30, 2024
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Look at them and notice something that they actively chose today. Easy ones are like clothes, bags, jewlery, makeup or whatever. But you’d probably have even better luck with like if they’re holding a shopping bag or a book or a cup of coffee or the keychain on their keys. idk those are just the examples I thought of. But basically that’s something intentional, so that’s something they will have thoughts/feelings/opinions on. Ask a question or make a comment that requires them to reveal that. Like a question you would want someone in your life to ask you about something that you put energy towards, yk? Like for me I always want to talk to people about books I’ve read or that theyve read. Or when Im holding a food or drink I probably could talk about why I wanted that.
But the most important part dude. Is to gauge reaction after that. If they wanna talk more then yay. If not, you gotta let it go don’t push. It’s a them thing, not a you thing.
Sep 10, 2024
Top Recs from @fetadata
I know slavoj zizek is a fucking loser now, but his movie A Pervert's Guide to Ideology was the first piece of media that began to rub away the sheen/shellac of pretense that the world operates smoothly. It was my first time really engaging with a Marxian analysis and sitting with it. I was in high school, and it set me up to care about critical theory. From this movie, I'd read Mark Fisher's really quick book "Capitalist Realism: is there no alternative?" Fisher grounds a lot of his theory in culture/media in a very similar way to Zizek.
After that, I'd follow recommendations made by others in the thread!
Jun 18, 2024
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1. Scroll the "everyone" feed (almost completely ignore that home/friends page)
2. Like gratuitously
3. Follow people who post things you like
4. I try to be brave and comment when feeling moved
I don't search or look for anything in particular, personally, unless I'm about to post something and curious if others have done so already. Just let the river float by and enjoy the ride
Feb 8, 2025
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To drink wine and feel, uncontrollably, in passionate desire -- but know it is only for a brief time
The sad truth is that sometimes feelings are bottled up in maladaptive ways. And what drinking can be is a way to open the door to what's hidden from view even of the self. And to step through the threshold and fall down the bottomless pit of desire and amorousness for the world and connection. To feel the unbearable joy of breathing the energy of my compatriots, my comrades. Why does this door only unlock with this dumb and poisoning key
Mono no aware meets Audre Lorde's uses of the erotic
Feb 13, 2025