I watched my brother die of cancer at 22 when I was twelve, as well as my uncle of brain cancer and a few other members of my family. I then had a similar type of rare sarcoma cancer that my brother did when i was 20, and I was just talking to friends about this last night!
I think the most powerful thing we can do as humans is understand our mortality. Once we understand that we're just meat sacks with no universal truth beside death, we can exist in a manner that aligns with meaningful connection.
I advise you tell people things you need to tell them, whether you love them or you think something they're doing is not serving them.
Be justified and trusting in all your decisions for yourself because you have to now.
I'm so sorry this is coming as a shock to you so suddenly. this is hard shit to reckon with at first. But just like my brother said while being interviewed on CNN during our MLB ballpark tour raising awareness in '06:
"I live every day like I'm dying"
Jul 25, 2024
Related Recs
It's been a week since my brother Jacob passed. He was the last person I expected to go—an extremely active cyclist, hiker, and traveler. We still don't know what exactly happened, but in a matter of only half an hour he went from making his breakfast to his heart stoping.
So many of his traits I admired so much felt like things I lacked; he was disciplined, reliable, and energetic. He traveled the world and made friends across the whole globe, it seems. He was always adept at math, a subject I always struggled with.
He was only 18 months my junior. I literally can't remember my life without Jacob in it. At some points in our childhood he felt like my shadow. Since we were homeschooled during the early years of my life we spent so much time together. I took that for granted, but now I'm so grateful for all the hours of fort building, hole digging, camping, biking, basketball, getting destroyed by him playing NBA Live and womping on him in Mortal Kombat.
I really regret simply assuming he knew how much I loved him. We were brothers. We fought, argued, and teased each-other. He was such an appendage to my day-to-day that I didn't ever stop to tell him how dear he was to me, how proud I was of all he'd done, how grateful I was for all he contributed around the house and with the family, and how jealous I was of his fearlessness with change and travel.
People ask how I'm holding up, and it's hard to answer because—all things considered— I am doing alright. The hardest times are when my brain and nervous system still haven't realized he's gone: hearing the creak of a door and expecting him to walk in after a bike ride—his cycling shoes clinking on the tile; learning some soccer news and wanting to text him about it; feeling eager to get his feedback on something I cooked.
But the most difficult thing has been encountering the pity and sorrow people have shown toward me, because that somehow reveals the scope of the loss and the depth to which folks cared about him and care about me. Knowing we share some impacts of this loss breaks my heart. I so deeply appreciate all the offers of help and reaching out, and yet I have nothing to offer. I have nothing for which to ask. My brain just short-circuits.
Perhaps the best thing you can do for me is to let your loved ones know how you feel. Find one person you have maybe taken for granted and share your love clearly so that they truly know how much you treasure them because they won't always be around.
May 6, 2024
⚱️
this is something i feel really strongly about to improve all of our lives and grieving processes. especially for Americans, it’s an enduring taboo that talking about death is too dark, too bummer, too disturbed. i think this renders all of us without a roadmap or community when, inevitably, someone dear to us dies.
practicing talking about it, building a distress tolerance to it, learning about other people’s experiences with death, are all some of the things that have helped me the most since my brother’s death. it truly is the most universal great mystery and i think we’d all be better for it to walk through it together.
❤️
Feb 14, 2025
My late friend Susan Wojcicki wrote an essay before she passed that was just published posthumously. It is a) extraordinary and b) VERY Susan. I share it with you in full without reservations below:
From Neal Mohan, CEO of YouTube:
In 2022, our former CEO Susan Wojcicki learned she had lung cancer. For two years, she fought cancer the same way she lived the rest of her life — with hope, a curiosity to learn, and a determination to scale research efforts that could save lives.
Through Susan, I learned that lung cancer is the number one cause of cancer death in women. She wanted to change those odds.
Susan wrote a post in the final weeks of her lifethat she planned to publish this fall.
November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month, and we’re taking this opportunity to carry on Susan’s mission to help others by publishing her blog. You can read her thoughts below, and learn more about lung cancer at Stand Up To Cancer.
At the end of 2022, I was diagnosed with lung cancer. I had almost no symptoms and was running a few miles a day at the time. I had never smoked so I was totally shocked with this diagnosis.
My life changed dramatically after that day. I decided to resign from my role as CEO of YouTube, to focus on my health and my family. I was able to live an almost normal life, thanks to modern medicine. I continued to serve on boards: Salesforce, Planet Labs and Waymo, as well as on nonprofit boards like Room to Read and the Environmental Defense Fund (EDF). But most of my time shifted to focus on cancer research.
Before my diagnosis, my husband and I had already been actively supporting cancer research and new technologies like genetic sequencing and data science, with the hope of shedding light on new cures. After my diagnosis, we stepped up our efforts as we quickly learned lung cancer was under researched and misunderstood. We have since given millions of dollars to support early detection research, new immunotherapy options that could cure cancer, building a community of genotyped patients to better understand the disease, and fundamental research to better understand the mechanisms and science behind the cancers.
I plan to continue to spend my time and resources investing in future cures for cancer. Especially lung cancer.
It is not well known that lung cancer is the number one cause of cancer death in womenand the second most common cancer in women. Although lung cancer overall is decreasing because of declines in tobacco use, lung cancer among people who have never smoked has been rising significantly, and two-thirds of people diagnosed lung cancer with no smoking history are women.
Despite lung cancer being the leading cause of cancer death in the U.S., it’s significantly underfunded. Lung cancer receives $4,438 per death in NIH research funding, whereas breast cancer receives $19,869, prostate $9,135, colorectal $7,565, and pancreatic $5,932 (source). I plan to raise awareness and fight for more resources for lung cancer patients overall.
Having cancer hasn’t been easy. As a person I have changed a lot, and probably the most important lesson I have learned is just to focus and enjoy the present! Life is unpredictable for everyone, with many unknowns, but there is a lot of beauty in everyday life. My goals going forward are to enjoy the present as much as possible and fight for better understanding and cures for this disease.
Dec 6, 2024
Top Recs from @rossnewbs
🎆
when you're sitting alone in public, feeling at peace with being another person in all of which is; observing the motion around you
Feb 28, 2024
♥️
i don't limit love to just a romantic partner. I have a queer platonic life partner (long word for my best friend) whom I love muchly. I have many people I love in different capacities, but no one in particular currently that I share a romantic love with!
I keep my heart open to allowing love to meet us where we're at, to which capacity it evolves to
May 14, 2024
👓
the bit is my entire personality
May 19, 2024