đ¤
It's been a week since my brother Jacob passed. He was the last person I expected to goâan extremely active cyclist, hiker, and traveler. We still don't know what exactly happened, but in a matter of only half an hour he went from making his breakfast to his heart stoping.
So many of his traits I admired so much felt like things I lacked; he was disciplined, reliable, and energetic. He traveled the world and made friends across the whole globe, it seems. He was always adept at math, a subject I always struggled with.
He was only 18 months my junior. I literally can't remember my life without Jacob in it. At some points in our childhood he felt like my shadow. Since we were homeschooled during the early years of my life we spent so much time together. I took that for granted, but now I'm so grateful for all the hours of fort building, hole digging, camping, biking, basketball, getting destroyed by him playing NBA Live and womping on him in Mortal Kombat.
I really regret simply assuming he knew how much I loved him. We were brothers. We fought, argued, and teased each-other. He was such an appendage to my day-to-day that I didn't ever stop to tell him how dear he was to me, how proud I was of all he'd done, how grateful I was for all he contributed around the house and with the family, and how jealous I was of his fearlessness with change and travel.
People ask how I'm holding up, and it's hard to answer becauseâall things consideredâ I am doing alright. The hardest times are when my brain and nervous system still haven't realized he's gone: hearing the creak of a door and expecting him to walk in after a bike rideâhis cycling shoes clinking on the tile; learning some soccer news and wanting to text him about it; feeling eager to get his feedback on something I cooked.
But the most difficult thing has been encountering the pity and sorrow people have shown toward me, because that somehow reveals the scope of the loss and the depth to which folks cared about him and care about me. Knowing we share some impacts of this loss breaks my heart. I so deeply appreciate all the offers of help and reaching out, and yet I have nothing to offer. I have nothing for which to ask. My brain just short-circuits.
Perhaps the best thing you can do for me is to let your loved ones know how you feel. Find one person you have maybe taken for granted and share your love clearly so that they truly know how much you treasure them because they won't always be around.
May 6, 2024
Related Recs
âĽď¸
I watched my brother die of cancer at 22 when I was twelve, as well as my uncle of brain cancer and a few other members of my family. I then had a similar type of rare sarcoma cancer that my brother did when i was 20, and I was just talking to friends about this last night!
I think the most powerful thing we can do as humans is understand our mortality. Once we understand that we're just meat sacks with no universal truth beside death, we can exist in a manner that aligns with meaningful connection.
I advise you tell people things you need to tell them, whether you love them or you think something they're doing is not serving them.
Be justified and trusting in all your decisions for yourself because you have to now.
I'm so sorry this is coming as a shock to you so suddenly. this is hard shit to reckon with at first. But just like my brother said while being interviewed on CNN during our MLB ballpark tour raising awareness in '06:
"I live every day like I'm dying"
Jul 25, 2024
đŻ
This is a little long winded and personal. Please forgive me.
It's been exactly one year since my great aunt passed away - she was a pillar of the family, a very intelligent and witty woman whom we all loved. She used to cut out stories from the newspaper/ magazines and mail them to me while I lived away, and she had the most incredible handwriting Iâve ever seen. She was, to use one of her favorite things to call me, a âreal mensch.â
Less than 48 hours after that, I got broken up with. We had been dating for almost two years. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever been in. Yet, we were laying in my teenage bedroom at my parents house, and she was crying. All I remember is thinking to myself âFIGHT for her you DUMB MOTHERFUCKER, you CANâT lose another womanâ - but I didnât. I was scared. And just like that, the best year of my life came crashing down in spectacular fashion.
Two extremely hard hits at once.
I had to keep moving forward. I didnât see any alternative. And as a result, I sank into what I can only describe as my own death spiral. Lots of cigs, lots of booze, lots of work, all to drown out the voices in my head telling me âmaybe this isnât a good idea.â
I didnât allow myself to MOURN then. To feel sad, to feel loss, and to work it out constructively and communally. Now, a year later, Iâm finally allowing myself to feel those emotions about both of those things. Finally crawling out of that death spiral. Mourning isnât weakness, nor is grief.
JustâŚif you havenât properly mourned something, anything, I recommend allowing yourself to. Keeping something like that inside, no matter how compartmentalized it may be, is a bad idea.
5d ago
â¤ď¸
My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think youâll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of âclosingâ convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if youâre able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when Iâm having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)đ
May 24, 2024
Top Recs from @theinfamousgdub
Dec 6, 2024
đ
I donât know who needs to hear this, but in most cases youâre gonna want to season your rice. After it cooks, put some oil/butter on that steamy starch and stir and salt it. It doesnât even need to be a huge amount, but itâs going to improve things so much. You could even put a little vinegar in there tooâgo crazy.
Everyone is gonna be like, âwow your rice tastes so goodâ and you can know that itâs all because of your use of FLAVORS and SCIENCE.
Apr 19, 2024
đ
Like, itâs inherently good and sometimes itâs nice to dip the hot pizza into ranch. I donât do it all the time, but itâs a fun treat.
Also, tapatĂo is great on pizza.
Apr 23, 2024