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always starts with a conversation
if it's your friend you can be gentle but direct. you can explain that you think the common spaces should be respected more, and even offer to help clean it up with them the first time around (though if it's strictly their mess that shouldn't be the norm). honesty is the best policy here, so if it keeps being an issues, have another convo.
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@neddy999
Sep 18, 2024
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@goalexago
I agree with what’s been mentioned before that you should try to define the minimum standard of cleanliness for chores so you’re both on the same page of what’s reasonable. For example: do dishes just need to go in the sink or should they be washed and put away immediately? Dividing cleaning/tidying tasks might be good start to gradually get them to play a more active role in house upkeep since it can be more manageable to only have to worry about, say, vacuuming the living room and taking out the trash, than being 50% responsible for everything.
Sep 18, 2024
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@sofe
What if: I have done this already several times 😪
Sep 18, 2024
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@mossyelfie
sofe legit this dude might not even know how to not be messy. Ultimately, that’s on him to figure out how to do that. But it might be time for more of a confrontation where you say that you’ve brought this up multiple times and he has done nothing about it. and either he works with you to get it together or he’s going to have to find another place to live.
Sep 18, 2024
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@sofe
mossyelfie it’s true unfortunately he doesn’t know how… BUT at his job he is very good at keeping things clean and organized so I know he has it in him. Honestly at this point im thinking of telling him I can’t be both his friend and his housemate if he keeps on the way he is, and that he has to choose one
Sep 18, 2024
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@mossyelfie
sofe and it’s disrespectful 🫤 it sounds like he’s made no effort… how can he not care???
Sep 18, 2024
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@sofe
mossyelfie he cleans sort of when I ask him to, sometimes? I think maybe he (a) has a much lower standard of clean than i do and (b) thinks I am his mother lol
Sep 18, 2024
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@sofe
mossyelfie he cleans sort of when I ask him to, sometimes? I think maybe he (a) has a much lower standard of clean than i do and (b) thinks I am his mother lol
Sep 18, 2024
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@mossyelfie
sofe well he shouldn’t need you to constantly remind him or ask him, because that turns you into some kind of mother. He is an adult. Since he has the ability to keep clean, I think having a structure would be helpful
Sep 18, 2024

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Communication + collaboration
Ugh I feel you and that is rough! It’s hard because everybody has different standard of messiness. Sometimes it simply comes down to a skills issue. Hard to know but honestly it’s not for you to figure out, that’s for him! With that being said, since this is your friend, I think that you should be open with him about how you feel while also making it clear you want to work together to figure something out. I’ve done chore charts with roommates in the past and that really worked out well. I think it’s important that you have some things in mind but also make it a collaborative effort so he doesn’t feel like you are just putting these demands on him. He will be much more likely to follow through if he helped create it. I suggest also being very clear with yourself (and him) about what things are most bothersome for you that you really need to have a hard boundary around, and what things you can let slip. I say this because if you are giving that same energy to everything it is going to make things emotionally difficult for you. if he has been living this way thus far, there’s going to be a margin of error here. So I wouldn’t necessarily share what the less important things are, but the most important things. This is going to be an ongoing process. You might find that some things are working really well and other things aren’t, so you come together to figure out how you can adjust to make it work better. I do think that this conversation really needs to happen though because resentment can build up really easily, especially if you’ve mentioned it before and nothing has happened.
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@mossyelfie
Sep 18, 2024
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list
- be a good communicator. if you have a problem or are unclear on something or need to make something clear one cannot expect anyone to have the same norms. talk and be on the same page and establish that dynamic for the inevitable times it needs to happen - figure out respective grocery + dishes + cookware + general belongings ecosystem. some houses can just be communal some have to be separate. depends on who yall are. gotta know which and gotta respect it - just clean everything you were using in a public space if you don’t intend to keep using it i feel like when i had roommates our biggest issues were not figuring these things out. but just talking about everything is the biggest one that way if someone is disappointed or angry about something it’s either based in reality or it’s not
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@shegoestoanotherschool
May 22, 2024
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HEAR THEM OUT
Definitely have a conversation with your friend. It‘ll nag at you if you don’t, you’ll always wonder. Wouldn’t go straight for dumping, sus it out first in an inquisitive way. But it’s not great 🥶
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@cemacintyre
Jun 6, 2025

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