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if it's your friend you can be gentle but direct. you can explain that you think the common spaces should be respected more, and even offer to help clean it up with them the first time around (though if it's strictly their mess that shouldn't be the norm). honesty is the best policy here, so if it keeps being an issues, have another convo.
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Ugh I feel you and that is rough! It’s hard because everybody has different standard of messiness. Sometimes it simply comes down to a skills issue. Hard to know but honestly it’s not for you to figure out, that’s for him!
With that being said, since this is your friend, I think that you should be open with him about how you feel while also making it clear you want to work together to figure something out. I’ve done chore charts with roommates in the past and that really worked out well. I think it’s important that you have some things in mind but also make it a collaborative effort so he doesn’t feel like you are just putting these demands on him. He will be much more likely to follow through if he helped create it.
I suggest also being very clear with yourself (and him) about what things are most bothersome for you that you really need to have a hard boundary around, and what things you can let slip. I say this because if you are giving that same energy to everything it is going to make things emotionally difficult for you. if he has been living this way thus far, there’s going to be a margin of error here. So I wouldn’t necessarily share what the less important things are, but the most important things.
This is going to be an ongoing process. You might find that some things are working really well and other things aren’t, so you come together to figure out how you can adjust to make it work better. I do think that this conversation really needs to happen though because resentment can build up really easily, especially if you’ve mentioned it before and nothing has happened.
Sep 18, 2024
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- be a good communicator. if you have a problem or are unclear on something or need to make something clear one cannot expect anyone to have the same norms. talk and be on the same page and establish that dynamic for the inevitable times it needs to happen
- figure out respective grocery + dishes + cookware + general belongings ecosystem. some houses can just be communal some have to be separate. depends on who yall are. gotta know which and gotta respect it
- just clean everything you were using in a public space if you don’t intend to keep using it
i feel like when i had roommates our biggest issues were not figuring these things out. but just talking about everything is the biggest one that way if someone is disappointed or angry about something it’s either based in reality or it’s not
May 22, 2024
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If it’s just a little thing one time let it go but if there’s a recurring issue bring it up directly and respectfully. Don’t let things simmer
May 20, 2024
Top Recs from @neddy999
visionary artist. he was making small abstract oil paintings before it was cool 😎. also fascinated by his assertion that these paintings were just part of a larger quest to become a hemaphrodite (which to him = immortality).
Jan 29, 2024
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great thing to throw on the tv (preferably muted) at a party. the modern day fireplace.
i feel like i've been to doha just by watching this video. very meditative.
Jan 25, 2024
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removing the space instills confidence not obedience
Jan 26, 2024