If I get a bunch of texts right away in the morning my lizard brain will be like, “is everyone literally suffocating me right now?” I’ve found it helpful to use the Focus settings on the iphone to show my friends that I’m in hermit mode, that way I won’t see the notification right away and they don’t feel ignored. Then later in the day I can reply when I am in the right spirit and wanting to connect. I also just straight up tell friends that I don’t really do groupchats because they stress me out and they can take that or leave it 🐸 tldr: set digital boundaries and take advantage of windows of energy 🪟⚡️
Oct 19, 2024
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first, outside of time-sensitive requests / emergencies, you don’t owe anybody an instant reply. i fully endorse sillygirltypebeat’s recommendation of focus modes to let people know when you’re away - outside of that, just be clear that you’re not helicoptering your notifications all day, and if you have friends who can’t accept that than you might need to go your separate ways.
second, while you don’t owe anybody an *instant* reply, you should probably set a regular time every day to get on top of your messages - personal, professional, etc. i check my email, dms, and messages on various services once when i wake up, once in the afternoon, and once before i “clock out” (i wfh lmao) for the day. blocking out time to do this daily ensures that (1) your total unread messages never gets to the point where it’s debilitatingly stressful, and (2) because you have a set time to check them, you can turn all your messaging notifications off and happily mute any non-essential conversations totally guilt-free, because you know you have a set time to get back to it.
my friend group discord is muted, my dms are largely muted, my email is *definitely* muted, and in every focus mode i have muted all notifications except phone calls from my parents / partner / roommates, but despite all that almost everybody in my life can rely on a response from me within at least 48 hours. notification discipline really matters
Oct 19, 2024
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idk about other phones but if u have an iphone they have all kinds you can turn on and just make sure it’s set to show people you’re on dnd. then if they go to text you they’ll see you’re working/taking personal time/etc. i have the one set up for work hours, one for therapy and yoga, sleep, i also put them on when i am doing my something else (painting, cooking, movie) and don’t want to be bothered. IMO you don’t really have to announce it and it also may not go over well if you tell people their texts drive you crazy — it might just be better left unsaid. (unless you’re getting spammed with like ten calls in a row then you probably should) i think eventually they’ll just adjust to you not being reachable 24/7. (just don’t ghost people for a bunch of days if they ask you an important question lol) i used to feel obliged to respond to everything ASAP and i’m still mostly a “good texter” but i don’t feel the need to interrupt things to respond to texts or text abt something non-time sensitive if i’m not in a mood to (outside my mom lol, i always answer her the same day) and i think most people in my life understand that bc i just am not reachable 24/7 and have that boundary. i don’t know if you can just stop people texting you a lot but i think if you reshape your response time they will have to adjust/come to terms with that
Nov 19, 2024
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Earlier today, before reading this ask, I had been journaling about how to manage this in my own life.
There's a real power in unbroken flow, deep work, and space to think and abide. But in a flash it can be undermined by the "interrupt me" device in my pocket.
Texting and messaging people whenever we feel like it is normal behavior. Probably it should not be normal behavior, but that's where we've found ourselves. So if I want something different, then the responsibility is on me to hold space for it.
I don't have the tech rules in place yet, but I do like the idea of having one window of 30-60 minutes daily, or maybe a morning window and evening window, when I respond to instant messages. Over time, the folks in my life will understand that if it is urgent they should call me.
Nov 20, 2024
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“who’s that voracious reader in the cool fit” - librarians probably
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Shyness is nice and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you’d like to !!!!!
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A website of forest recordings sent in from people all over the world ✨🌎🎧 My friend texted me a link to this last night and I fell asleep listening to it.
The photographs that accompany the recordings are stunning 🥹 Highly rec for anyone feeling the eco-doom 🫂
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