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there’s something quite melancholy and cathartic about it, like wow, I’m old enough and I’ve been living in this neighborhood long enough to start to be recognized as a familiar face. i love that i can walk into my favorite coffee shop and be greeted as a friend, by baristas who know exactly my coffee particularities but don’t frown if i want something different from my usual order. it feels especially comforting on days i miss home and feel kind of alone, kind of afraid of being an adult. being a regular is feeling seen and known even by relative strangers, with whom you can connect over a comforting drink or meal! this is just one of the ways i love to cultivate a sense of home and community in my coming-of-age years— it’s so grounding to experience familiarity especially when you’re adjusting to living alone, recently moved to a new city, or otherwise needing to feel settled during tumultuous times!
Nov 11, 2024
Related Recs
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It just feels like a breath of fresh air in this digital age - got an old-timey feel to it.
Feb 26, 2025
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I know I’m sooo late to this (Im not a coffee drinker!)- I recently started being a coffee shop regular. It’s enlightening to have a place to chat, run into friends, read, and try new drinks. Sometimes these things feel limited to only alcohol-centric spaces and it’s great to have a spot to unwind after work each day. Chai lattes forever and always ❤️
Jul 31, 2024
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I'm sitting in the nearest coffee shop to where I live, which happens to be a Starbucks. When I walked in, the manager said "Good morning, Matt."
I've only been coming here a few months, one or two times a week, but it now it feels a bit like home.
— you may be looking for a different type of third place rec though, a place where you can definitely build community, and there's no guarantee of that at a coffee shop.
My impulse for me is to assume I'm not alone in this need/desire and to start something. Any place can become that third place, now the challenge is just getting people to join you there.
While still in college, I plastered "reading aloud night" posters around the campus and invited people to bring something to read aloud to others: either their own work or a favorite snippet from another author. A half dozen people came and we hung out until late in a common area—and then kept doing it. Some beautiful friendships started in that little group.
Sep 28, 2024
Top Recs from @antifabricated
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undoubtedly my favorite conversational invocation. i use it a lot and i love to hear it.
imploring someone to tell you more shows such deep interest, attention, and love! curiosity is always the answer; learn more before you pass a judgment.
Nov 7, 2024
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idk about you all but the second i get home i will be putting sweats or lounge clothes on. these clothes only see the indoors and are never exposed to the Outside City. god forbid my jeans or slacks touch my clean cozy bed!! let alone shoes... might be the asian grandmother influencing me but i find it a terrible crime to wear shoes in the house. a pair of slippers is much more comfortable! i find changing into a cozier outfit provides a wonderful mental transition into the coziness/safety of home PLUS it makes me feel extra put together, stylish, and focused when i'm goin out!! effectively switches my brain between work mode and relaxed mode.
Nov 17, 2024
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now i firmly believe beauty culture is a product of white supremacy, capitalism, and patriarchy meant to construct and then profit off of widespread insecurities-- an idea that i first read in jessica defino's wonderful work. it tells us lies like you're not good enough as is... here is a magic fix to cure all your ailments... those natural aspects of your appearance are unslightly flaws!!... but buy this concealer and nobody will have to see it :). what lies!
over the past year i have grown tired of the endless aesthetic labor and self-criticism. and also the price tags of today's most popular beauty products. i'd like to have more time and energy for the other beautiful deep parts of life!
now i am down to a very straightforward cleanser/moisturizer/sunscreen/aquaphor for skincare & blush/mascara/perhaps eyeliner and a lip for makeup. giving up concealer was probably the hardest for me insecurity-wise (see: dark circles and occasional acne) but it has truly been so good for my skin!! sunscreen is an absolute non-negotiable. i am very partial to blush because i like to match the shade to how i am feeling and what i am wearing on a given day. the ultimate results to reducing your beauty product consumption are:
1. your skin will probably not be that different than when you bombard it with a 20-step routine
2. your wallet will be so much happier and you will have more $ to spend on non-superficial things!
3. you will have so much more time and energy for creative and comforting pursuits
4. your routine will feel much less arduous and much easier to stick to!
5. with time you will begin to feel more comfortable in your very own, unchanged skin. it doesn't need to change to please other people-- your face and body are so radically unique and divine! <3
and, divesting from beauty culture does not mean no engagement at all. i too still enjoy a face mask or a trip to the salon as a splurge self-care ritual. i like putting on a cute little blush and a red lip!! i do still care about my appearance-- but less so. i am more comfortable with my unadulterated face. my self-worth is less dependent on how i look. all that matters to me is that my external state authentically reflects my inner state!
for further reading on gender, class, and capitalism, def check out Problems of Women's Liberation by Evelyn Reed!! findable in gale archives if you have university access ^-^
Nov 13, 2024