I've almost been in my 30's for 5 years and I've loved it. There's something about it that has been deepening and richening. I focus more on what matters to me, and cultive how I want my life to look. My 20's was wild and chaotic and a lot of hard inner and outer work. I still work hard, but I'm reaping the benefits of it a bit more now. I'm busy yet relaxed. I feel like I did the hard work earlier that I'm now really benefiting from.
When I turned 30 I wrote out 30+ lessons that I learned. I never shared it at the time because it felt egotistical lol, but it's actually pretty good so I'll share it here! Aging is a gift!! Embrace your fully formed brain. You'll always be changing and growing, but you're entering this beautiful space where you're still young and can relate to young folks, but you have enough experience to relate to older folks too. It's a blast!
Mossy Elfie's Hard Earned Lessons from her 20's
1. Laughter is truly the best medicine. KEEP PLAYING!
2. Express love to those you love as often as possible.
3. Learning to communicate effectively is the greatest tool you can have.
4. Being upfront about how you feel may lead to getting hurt, but will 100% benefit you in the long run.
5. There are lessons in every experience. This doesn’t excuse trauma, but can help heal it.
6. Sometimes when a therapist or someone you love calls you out on your shit, you can feel it’s untrue because it actually is, or because you’re being defensive. Learn how to discern between the two.
7. Questioning your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs isn’t threatening, even if it feels like it. There’s no harm- if it’s true, it’s true. If not, you can begin to change.
8. It’s true, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important.
9. People are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
10. Listen to actions, not words. Even good people with the best intentions have flaws, and that’s okay.
11. Everyone’s path is different, and it’s so easy to judge. It’s a good idea to learn how to detach from that. Let people live!! Including yourself.
12. Even if it’s bs, having faith the universe has your back provides endless calm and a sense of being loved + protected.
13. Children and animals will heal your soul. Volunteering at an animal shelter is always a good idea. Seriously, go do it.
14. You don’t need to know all the steps or even have a clear end goal, but you do need a vision to work towards and the immediate next step.
15. Friends will come and go- that’s natural. It’s okay to be sad about it. A loss is a loss.
16. If something is consistently making you miserable, that’s a good sign it’s not for you.
17. Go towards what brings you joy, especially regarding vocation. This doesn’t mean it won’t be stressful or annoying at times, but the main feelings should be joy + accomplishment.
18. Despite what the culture tells you there is no timeline or rule book. Do whatever TF you want! But! Be healthy in that.
19. Crying, yelling, breathing, laughing, hugging all helps… a lot. EMOTE.
20. Everyone is working on something different, but we’re all striving for balance.
21. Your body changes constantly. I know the overarching message is to change it, but your body is a miracle. Being alive is a miracle! When you’re feeling down about your body, that’s a sign to give it a ton of love, NOT to try and change it.
22. Forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person. You can forgive someone and not have them in your life.
23. Everyone truly has their own individual experiences, which is equally beautiful and terrifying to me.
24. No one can be forced to change. It only happens when they are ready. It doesn’t matter if all the facts are known, it won’t happen until the internal shift does.
25. BREATHING will help solve every problem. Always begin and come back to deep breaths.
26. Change and growth can be hard. They can be really scary. But it’s not impossible. Everyone has the capacity to change.
27. Having empathy for others allows you to act from a space of love, even in anger. That doesn’t mean being a doormat for people’s behavior, it just means in your anger you’re treating them with love and respect.
28. We are all ever changing, evolving beings. The work never stops- it’s a lifelong process.
29. You have and are going to make a ton of mistakes. You are going to hurt people. Please forgive yourself. No one benefits from you feeling eternally guilty, especially yourself. Take responsibility, have remorse, learn the lesson, and let go.
30. Nothing is permanent, especially feelings and thoughts. Soak up each moment and let it pass. Nothing bad will last forever, but neither will the good. It’s all an ebb and flow so, flow.
31. It’s so important to be honest with how you’ve been wounded. It’s equally important to be honest with how you’ve wounded others. You need to heal from both.
32. Soak up and cherish every moment. Truly, seriously. That is what life is all about- experiences and the way you feel. Even my worst moments, I’ll probably never feel that way again. I treasure it all.
33. My god, life can be so hard. Just be fucking kind to one another.
34. The darkness always fades into light. The light always comes back. I promise.
Dec 3, 2024
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I’m about to turn 30 and idk if my 21 year old self would approve of where I’m at—but my 6 year old self sure as hell would!! I think a lot of life is finding your way back to Little You.
Being 21 is so so hard, and in college you’re first starting to see that you can’t judge your progress based on other people. Even though that’s how you were taught to judge yourself up until this point. The things you want now probably won’t matter to you in a few years, and for me that would have sounded terrifying at 21. But that doesn’t mean the things you want now aren’t important.
You can think of it in terms of tattoos. If you get a tattoo at 16 it’s not because you know it will represent you always and forever—it’s to commemorate a moment, a feeling of boldness you wanted to wear proudly. And down the line you don’t look at it with regret, but a softness for that younger part of you. Feel your feelings fully in this moment! Be bold with what you care about! Every age is special.
Practical advice:
Try to listen to your body and not your head. Do I actually like how I feel spending time with this person? Am I going through the motions of this hobby because I think it will service something else? Does xyz come naturally to me, or does it feel forced? No action needed. This exercise isn’t about flipping your life upside down, just take notice of how your body feels in certain situations. Start to notice when you’re in fight or flight versus happy and free. Find the ease and follow it
Jan 25, 2025
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This could change when I hit 40 (lmao), but the older I get, the more confident I know who I am. I feel more and more sure of myself, and less and less concerned with how others view me.
My life is my own, and comparing it to other's is a disservice to myself and the path I'm now on.
Do I still experience guilt, regrets, doubt? Of course I do.
Do I know what I'm doing with my life? I might have less of a clue than I did in my twenties.
Do I still feel like a weird little freak, like I did in my teens? Hell yeah, some stuff just never changes.
I still enjoy things I loved as a child, like video games, Pokemon, stuffed animals, and giggling.
I still enjoy things I loved as a teen, like pop punk music, being annoying, and singing whenever the mood strikes.
I still enjoy things I loved in college, like dancing enthusiastically, writing amateurish poetry, and crushing on women who will never, ever be into me.
But now I'm just...30. More health issues. More scars. More silvery hairs that sparkle in the sun like some vampiric trope made real.
But also...more memories that sweeten with time. More time spent in awe and revelry. More reveling in the beauty of nature. More of my own innate nature revealed to me as I sit with myself more, alone.
I feel thirty, flirty, and thriving. I also feel as a child, as a teen, as a drunken young adult, bumbling around without knowing if what I'm doing is right.
I'm just doing my best. That's all you really can do; embrace how you are now, and how you are tomorrow, and again, and again, and again.
May 13, 2024
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I’ve taken some time to think about this, because so much I could say feels circumstantial. But here’s what I’ve come to:
I’m still technically early 30’s, but one thing I’ve noticed from myself and friends is a higher level of intentionality. There is an inherent drive to deepen bonds that are worth it, and moving energy away from those that are draining. In order to do that, you have to be intentional about building those connections. All my friends are busy, myself included, so we carve out time to spend together and make sure that happens at least monthly. I actually host a monthly game night which is intentionally very laid back and an opportunity to just have fun, because I know we all need it! I still make connections with new people, but there has to be a little something there for me to put my time and energy into creating something more.
I also found my focus shifting from short term to long term. That was uncomfortable for me. While I’m still a very in the moment person, I started actually thinking about how I wanted my life to look not just right now, but years from now.
It’s true that you’ll get a lot of clarity on who you are. I just am who I am, and I’m not trying things out anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m not open and curious and playful, but at my core I’m solid. Either people vibe with that or they don’t, it’s not personal to me. I don’t need to be liked by everyone, and I don’t need to like everyone.
Working on yourself is essential. We all have issues, most of them aren’t our fault, but it is our responsibility to work on them. We also all have core issues that will never fully go away, but can get better. Healing is a spiral and we’re never fully done. Life is healing, integrating, enjoying the new level, then leveling up again!
My 20s very much felt like a portal and now my 30s are feeling like a much different kind of one. Welcome to the club and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🥳
Jun 7, 2024
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This has become the norm and every day I grow more disturbed. I understand if somebody is behaving in a harmful way, that is good to document and put out there. But as a whole, it seems, we have become so comfortable with recording people just living their lives. I saw a video of a guy working and the caption of the video was that he was so hot, we needed to find him!!! Why are you providing the Internet with his face and location instead of just going up to talk to him? I saw another of two people on the subway, seemingly a couple, having a very emotional moment. How would you feel if you open up an app and saw a video like that of yourself? I don’t like this level of sibling society surveillance. Why are you videoing an elderly person with sad music dubbed over it to gain likes? It is WEIRD. Don’t even get me started on videos of children. It is WEIRD to use a stranger without their consent to get some kind of fake validation. Get a life.
I don’t mean to come on here and share something so negative, I just don’t have anywhere else to put it and it’s gnawing at me.
Oct 7, 2024
Feb 23, 2025
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It’s to keep us humble otherwise we’d be TOO hot/sexy/cool
Jul 3, 2024