I’ve recently begun to think I’m extremely beautiful, something I’ve never consistently thought about myself. It feels so silly, and I’m sometimes baffled by it, but I’m also enjoying it a lot.
I’ve been particularly gorgeous lately (unfortunately, my curse of becoming more beautiful with each passing day is still ongoing) but I’m at my most powerful when I disregard such trifling things.
I had been doing it with makeup for Going Out purposes forever, and finally did it for real a few weeks ago. I was scared because frankly it’s the kind of thing a Confident Person does, and I ain’t one of those. But I did it, and it has forced me to be more confident in my appearance because I did something wacko to it and have received a lot of positive feedback and I feel mysterious and oOoOh LaLa and Targaryen.
I often feel gross and not myself and then I realise my eyebrows don’t match my hair and then I dye them black and 10 mins later suddenly I’m beautiful and good and myself again. We often forget the lil things that make us feel good about ourselves when it’s cold and dark outside and you’re a lil ill.
Last night I spent 5 hours with my friends in my living room instead of doing my work, and at first I thought “wow I was not productive tonight,” but then I realized that hanging out with friends and letting my mind rest is incredibly productive!! I feel so refreshed this morning
How lucky am I that I actually miss school when I’m at home, and miss home when I’m at school??? Being able to miss something, to look forward to returning, is such a privilege, and I will never take it for granted
I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life ridiculously concerned with being annoying, and I still felt unlikeable; now I’ve stopped caring as much, and it’s scary, but also I’m happy and I’m not hurting anyone !!! So be annoying !!! You’ll find your people who enjoy and love you !!! Fuck the rest !!!