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Got some news yesterday about someone I love
Suddenly a lot of things mattered less
Some wishy washy desires became goals
For a little while I had X-ray vision
The world sped up and slowed down at the same time
— I didn’t like the news but I’m glad I know it, because it was already a thing, so better to know
All at once without warning I’m living on a different planet: it is barren, hostile, rocky, and dry
But I know there are treasures here. I’m going to find them.
Dec 22, 2024
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I left for a while to go on a study abroad experience. The more time passes after The Thing, the less life makes sense. I'm trying to get back to the people I used to know, to get back into the routine I had, the things I used to think.
But somehow EVERYTHING about and around me is different and I don't understand ANYTHING. My body is different, my time isn't the same and somehow even my thought process has changed.
I came back home expecting familiarity and warmth, and surprise, the world has obviously moved on (as I did) and nothing is the same, except all that is. Maybe not understanding everything I thought I had already integrated is part of growing up, I feel as if I'm shedding old skin to make room for new one, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, confused, and generally don't really get the concept of time passing.
I never used to get when people said they wanted the world to stop for a second, because that wasn't me, I wanted more, faster, more, all of it. Now I get it. Let me lay here for a moment and not think about anything.
☆lookaliveodette!!!!!!☆
Feb 26, 2025
I’m currently traveling and my head is spinning with amazement. it’s more beautiful than I have or could have imagined. I’ve very grateful to be able to. to be able to try and be care free! I live nervously with myself still, and ive been getting waves of sadness at the end of the nights, feeling like an imposter, feeling as if I’m STILL not doing life right lol. but I am loved, I am taken care of, and I do have good things going for me. And I’m thousands of miles away from what haunts me, feels a bit better this far
This image/this energy is what I’m feeling not even exactly what it says
Jun 3, 2025
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Like a horse with no name, just feeling off and odd and outside of it all with no discernible cause and nausea on top. Feel like you’re washing away but not sure where from or to.…Comes randomly and unceremoniously, lasting a few days and cleaving a rift in every moment and interaction, a rift you kinda try to pretend isn’t there because you don’t know the cause or timeline. But rather than hammering your fists over an open canyon, casting a lonely echo, you breathe when you can and try to describe not why but what (for research, when it inevitably comes again), and wait until you feel the sun on your head again, when you stretch your fingers and feel the pull of your skin and the blood rush through and know you may not be you yet but you’re closer than the day before. And the fractures stay like fossils reminding you how swiftly you can slip outside of it all but also that you can float on back too.
May 26, 2025
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025