Do you feel like there were missed opportunities? Why?
- How to deal: Internalize that life is a series of random events with outcomes you have minimal control over. You have control over how you cope with those outcomes. You have control over what situations you put yourself in to create better random events.
- Books: The Art of Possibility by Benjamin Zander
You feel overwhelmed or hopeless about current events? You want to go back to âbetter times.â
- How to deal: Thereâs no such thing as âbetter times,â just times where we were less bombarded by an endless news cycle. Sensationalism sells - replace fast bites with documentaries and books.
- Books: Same as Ever by Morgan Housel; Enlightenment Now by Steven Pinker
You feel anxious about your current situation? You want to go back to âbetter times.â
- How to deal: Stop doomscrolling social media. Stop looking at what others have with envy - they made their own sacrifices that you probably donât want to make. Theyâre likely living outside their means. Thereâs no such thing as âtoo late,â youâre just as capable now at starting from scratch as you were when you first started the journey youâre currently on.
You feel anxious about an unknown future?
- How to deal: The best way to shape this future and remove the âunknownâ is reflecting on what YOUR personal priorities are, having an honest conversation about what goals do or donât fit with those priorities and value, setting realistic goals, and putting together a plan that breaks your goals into steps that you can form habits around. Progress is better than perfection. Stop and appreciate what you have on the way to achieving your goals.
- Books: Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
Dec 25, 2024
Related Recs
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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been having a lot of conversations with friends and family about people feeling stuck - stuck in the first job they got out of undergrad, stuck in an industry they don't care for, stuck in a place they don't feel connected to, stuck with a story they inherited not one they wrote for themselves. our society imposes on us the damaging narrative that we have until age 18 to choose the way in which we will be a productive member of society, and then until age 22 to acquire the skillset to do so, then we must contribute in that way until retirement. finding yourself having followed this path but feeling disconnected to your core values/desires/goals is not uncommon. this was me when i was 23, and to a lesser extent i am finding myself in a similar situation now as a recent 26 year old. you are not alone. here's my advice:
find what motivates you, and pursue it with abandon. obviously there are economic realities that make this movment difficult, and this is by design. needing to work for survival keeps us fitting neatly into the roles we've been assigned and makes breaking this mold difficult. this system robs us of our time and energy that we could otherwise apply towards self-actualization. this (combined with the narrative that diverging from a singular career focus will stunt your progress and hinder your sucess) keeps us frozen in a mindset of scarcity and immobility. you have more agency than you realize, though, and your only compass should be that which makes you flourish as an individual.
reject consistancy, humans are too complex to be burdened with the obligation to be stagnant. we are told that we have core competencies that make us assets in one specific capacity. this is an economic reality, not a human one. in truth, humans are more capable and dynamic than we know. that which you apply towards one field can just as easily be applied to another, and your "career" can look like making use of your knowledge and skill across many fields and roles and places. don't feel obligated to limit yourself to one narrow path. edify yourself by allowing your compass to guide you along a broad and diverse path.
lastly, reject narratives that are not true to your experience. during this period of regaining your agency and taking control of your own direction in life, you will be met with the well-meaning voices of those who have internalized the narratives of our culture, and they will weaponize this against you. they will tell you to fall back in line, to not seek out that which you know to be good for you. do not fall into weariness. you owe it to yourself to find flourishing where you can, and to follow the moving target that will lead you there.
what you are doing is brave, and authentic to your true self. answer to no other voice but your own. the corporate climate is so entrenched in the ways of our world and it is starting to reveal itself as a system which does not serve us as individuals. to a certain extent this is out of our control, but in realizing this you can also become more in tune with that which you can control in and of yourself. best of luck friend.
Aug 5, 2024
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Write it out, like youâre doing here! everyone has already said youâre super young so find hope and peace in that whenever youâre panicking about what you should be doing. Donât worry too much about love, thatâs going to come at its own time. your career will take shape over time and you always have chances to change it.
How do I feel grounded (context, iâm 30, feeling decently settled). I constantly make lists of what I need to do or want to do (these are separate!). Today I need to do xyz at work, I need to make plans for this weekend, I need to buy new cat food, I want to work out twice, I want to cook something with zucchini, I want to listen to a new podcast episode
Some other things: I always try to have an artistic outlet. I ask questions about things I donât know (this is everywhere, work, at the cafe, in yoga class, I Google if Iâm curious). I go to therapy and when I make goals I only think of my own happiness.
Jan 22, 2025
Top Recs from @ohpandadear
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1) Digital detox one day a month: exercise, sauna, meditation, reflection on goals and journaling, read a book, no phone.
2) Quick clean 15 minutes a day: Spread bed; clear the sink; wipe down tables.
3) One organizing project every Sundays (write it down and rotate): clear inbox / unsubscribe; organize kitchen / entry / bathroom / living room / bedroom; shred and file physical papers; repair clothes / clean shoes; organize digital files; organize photos on phone / computer; clean up passwords.
4) Throw/donate a little every day. Use the beauty products I have until empty before buying anything new.
Dec 25, 2024
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Spicy smokey twist on a mezcal negroni.
Spanish vermut; madre mezcal; jalapeño stuffed olive; campari; ghost pepper bitters.
Dec 25, 2024
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Scales up and down to larger and smaller groups. Easy to throw in a bag. Easy to learn. Triggers fierce competition.
Dec 25, 2024