youāre not in denial about your feelings! and you shouldnāt be because thereās nothing wrong with feeling the way you do especially because you want to change this train of thought.
iām 26, lived a very sheltered life and would probably be what may be considered a ālate bloomerā. couple that with only going to community college and graduating in the midst of lockdowns, i ālostā even more of my āyounger yearsā. when i was 21-24, i definitely let those same emotions run their course on me. i used to get pretty upset even watching coming of age movies or watching college kids go about their day to day lives. i realized i didnāt want that feeling to run my life.
as harsh as it sounds, you just have to remind yourself that you cannot go back in time. youāll waste more time wallowing than you will growing and learning and exploring, causing you to internalize these negative feelings more. go out and explore and make mistakes and make sure to surround yourself with people are accepting of the fleeting nature of life as well.
also, you have so much adulthood ahead of you. 23 is not much in the grand scheme of things. iām sure there are people 20, 30, 40+ years older than you who havenāt worked through this thought process yet and are jealous of your youth. from where i stand right now, and based off those i know who are older than me, you never really stop learning how to be an adult.
all in all, there is no switch to turn off your emotions, so i know itās easier said than done. 23 in general seems to be a rough year existentially for many, so just know youāre not alone, especially in the current cultural context. aging is a gift! so try to accept that gift gracefully by going easy on yourself.