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Phuket, the land of fake designers. Within the last two days, I followed my family as they followed complete strangers into secret back rooms that were far away from public eye. (My mother would not listen to my lectures of stranger danger, ironically). Within the last 48 hours, I firmly believe we were taken into over 30 back rooms. Now, within these rooms were fake designer products as far as the eye could see. Bags, shoes, wallets, glasses—you name it, they had it. I will admit, some of the duplicates were VERY similar, almost indistinguishable. Other products offered us a bit of a laugh at their quality. I cannot tell you the fear that surged through me as we followed complete strangers (who we had a very palpable language barrier with) and watched in cold horror as they closed the door behind us, locking us in small cramped room with nothing but faux-leather and metal coated plastic. Funny enough to me, some of the store men even offered us an exclusive look at their “triple-A quality” products, which were products made of ‘real leather’ and were a higher price range than the previous designer products that are marketed on the streets. The store men called these products ‘genuine fakes’). After a few more detours to be shown these ‘genuine fake’ products, I started to warm up to the idea and even had fun in bantering with the store men and negotiating prices, but what I had the most fun in was people watching. People from all over the world, Ireland, Scotland, America, China (the few accents that I could pick up on), we were all united in chasing an image of wealth. Those who had cellular data would immediately google the offical designer website of whatever product peaked their interest, and quickly snubbed the product if they could either: a. Not find the ‘original’ the fake was meant to replicate on the website, thereby concluding that it was not based off a ‘real’ designer product in the first place and was therefor not worthy of their time; or b. If the product they were holding in their hand had a slight imperfection or was not a complete mirror image of the original (either the trim was the wrong colour, the hardware was the not the right hue (as ever slightly as it was), or the product did not have the right amount of distinguishable patterned shapes (as if any stranger passing you by would have time to count how many stripes a fake YSL bag has on its opening flap)). The ‘genuine fake’ products were great quality, flaw or not. But, it was an image that united the nations. Wanting to look as if they had bought the real $15,000 Gucci bag rather than the $150 knock off. How quickly people were ready to turn their nose on a bag because it was not an exact replica upon VERY close inspection or an apparent misdemeanour of an interior detail, as if those strangers you pass by on your way to work would have time to analyse and scrutinise. So, that got me thinking: Who is the target audience of our perceived image of wealth? I bought my friend a bag—Coach to be specific—because she had always wanted a Coach bag but did not want to pay the price of a real bag. Okay, sure, totally understandable. But I had my research cut out for me, because her boyfriend could not know she had a dupe as he despises fakes. A very obscure take in my opinion. She got the bag of her dreams and saved $600 dollars, AND it’s pretty decent quality. Again, in my opinion, that is a win. Now, I bought a bag. It had no branding on its exterior and I had no idea who or what it was supposed to be a copy of, but I thoroughly liked the look of it and was about to buy it for a good price, until my cousin came up to me and declared that “it did not look like the original Gucci bag.” And for some reason, that made me falter on my decision to buy the bag. A weird sense of shame that people would know that it was not an original washed over me, and the anxiety that it made me feel as if I was already walking down my local shopping district trying to read strangers’ facial expression and see if they could tell my bag was a fake. I bought the bag anyways, flaw and all, because I liked it. My cousin then made a point to bring over another stranger (who told us she was from China) to assess my bag, who also confirmed that I “wasted my money” because it doesn’t exactly resemble the original. My take from this whole experience is: We as a society are truly divided by culture and language, class and gender, but many of us really are united in the fact that we chase the appearance of wealth, intentionally or not. Anyways, TLDR; Why are you pretending to have the real thing when its not, if you like it and find it for cheaper, get it and own it. If you end up buying the real thing instead, good for you. People judge you anyways, might as well save yourself some cash if you can. Strangers will most likely not be able to tell if its real or not anyways.
Jan 19, 2025

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About a month ago I was at a drugstore not far from my house when something chic happened. This was surprising because the circumstances (refilling a prescription for a pill to treat a fungus on my toe) and the location (a Walgreens in Bushwick), really weren’t chic at all. Nevertheless! There I was browsing the shelves when I saw this young cool woman carrying an amazing bag. It was a crossbody nylon Prada purse—I don’t know if it was actually from the ‘90s or if it just looked like it was—and crucially the strap was chain link, making it seem like a Chanel knockoff. I followed the woman around stealthily trying to catch as many glimpses of the purse as I could, and when I got home I started googling the resale sites and found something similar! Thank you anonymous Walgreens inspiration! (The link I put in is for a sold-out bag but you can probably find something similar if you search eBay etc.)
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As one ages, (or like as the procreative urge intensifies,) the need for multiple purses becomes increasingly important. I don’t know exactly why, but it does. I once thought, like many things when I was younger, that I wasn’t a purse girl and I never would be. I thought you were a shoe girl or a purse girl. I didn’t realize you don’t have a choice, as you age, a line doesn’t get drawn… there's only one model… a woman who likes and needs both shoes AND purses. This seems callous but it's absolutely connected.One needs an expensive, well made purse that sits on a shelf in a cloth bag  AND a shit crap fun inexpensive purse you can put down on the sidewalk, on a bar stool and wipe down with a clorox wipe. The urge for nice and bad, existing simultaneously, is a feminine urge that has to be indulged… I don’t know the consequences of repressing this instinct but I assume its really horrible. We must have wrappers, Pret a Manger napkins, absolute, actual garbage in bowling ball bag-ass looking purse. EVEN BETTER than a shitty purse is an exquisite purse from the past in a coveted model-like a car. TRULY I NEVER KNEW I’D BE LIKE THIS. We must have expensive shampoo and cheap soap.A pricey candle and a pack of hanes underwear An heirloom lamp and something hastily bought from Wayfair. Its just the way it is. You must balance the high and low. This balance is essential to glamor and glamor is one of the only things left we can aspire to. True glamor is the victory over poverty and the foibles of wealthIn conclusion: that's why it's important to have expensive and cheap bags to chronically rotate in your closet.
May 12, 2022

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tried reading dante alighieri’s inferno. key emphasis on tried. i got bored and realised a story written in poem form is not my typa beat. i tried because it seemed like what all the indie hipsters who are well versed would read, and that i would look cool and niche—but it just cost me $25. i prefer crazy detailed paragraphs rather than a line by line story. anyways
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saying “i’m sick” when you’re sick is boring. instead, here are some more funky fresh and cool ways to disclose that your immune system has been highjacked (it’s time to revive these sayings from the dead!): “i am indisposed” “i am taken ill” “i am feeling out of sorts” “i am suffering from a bilious attack” “i have been seized by an ague” “i am afflicted with a malaise” “i have taken to my bed” “the vapours have overcome me” “i have a touch of the influenza” “the rheumatism plagues me” “i am laid low with a fever” “i am afflicted with a troublesome ailment” you’re welcome
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