Before I sleep I tend to imagine a future in which I meet the love of my life who just makes all the time I spent ”waiting” worth it. I fall asleep thinking on things that aren’t so out of reach still THEY ARE NOT HERE. Other times during the day I think about what has happened, all the things that have brought me to where I am. I just realized I’m never here! In the now, in the whatever is going on where I’m standing. I live in places that don’t exist with people that are not real! Yes in theory I might know them but in my head both in the memories and in my made up senarios they are not them. They are what I want them to be… they are an extension of me and what I think they should be. I think the now requires me to lose the control I have in my made up worlds, and that might be too scary for me now.
