i love asking about things i think about a lot and feel like also help u negotiate values between two people
- do u believe in a higher power?
- if u were a fish what fish would u be?
- kill, fuck, marry indigenous animals of yr local area
- what do u do for fun? (as opposed to what do u do for work)
- do u have a fav legend/ cryptid?
- songs u want at yr funeral?
- do u wanna kiss me? ;)
Jan 22, 2025
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keep it light and whimsical. I was on a date a few years back and the person I was with asked me if I believed in luck, she said it was a question she asked everyone and it sparked an interesting discussion- “do you have good/bad luck” “do you know anyone with particularly bad luck“ etc.
other questions that might be fun:
-are you a cat or a dog (in essence, not preference)
-what’s the furthest from home you’ve been?
-ever seen a ghost?
May 21, 2025
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build yourself a roster of lighthearted yet thinky questions. some one mine:
”if you could suddenly speak any extra language, what language?”
“are you a cowboy, pirate or knight?” (very telling)
and my personal favourite, “if you were a weather phenomenon, what would you be?” (i’d be a sun shower, btw)
May 28, 2025
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When I list the things that are off bounds for a first time interaction, I then realize the sheer amount of things that are in bounds! I sort of have 3 big no-no's for first time convos, and you can decide for yourself if these feel right for you:
- party politics [I leave other kinds of politics in as fair game: class warfare or the rise of fascism or the opportunity for anarchic community building, etc.]
- religion
- personal finances
there are probably others, but those are the big 3 imo.
from there, I like to ask lots of how questions:
- how did you feel when you discovered your latest favorite song? can you pinpoint why it made you feel that way?
- how did you meet the host?
- how did you get into that hobby/line of work/subculture?
- how do you find joy/inspiration/motivation in your daily life?
- how do you like to dance?
- how good is this coors/pabst/french onion dip/potato chip/music/etc?
- how long has it been since your last speeding ticket?
- how long do you think you could last without eating a potato?
etc.
you could also ask any of the fun questions that perfectlyimperfect asks:
- fave things to put on toast
- your go-to email signature
- unique staple in your fridge
BUT TRULY!!! spencerto is right: don't over do it!
Jul 20, 2024
Top Recs from @ilovetrailcamsandbikes
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nice nice nice nice!!!!!!
Dec 1, 2024
@mothersuperior post on latex and the yearndemic reminded me of this essay that I read a few years ago about the commodification and fetishization of the body and how it’s been paralleled with a lack of chemistry and sexuality that we used to see on screen. The title is your tldr: everyone is hot and no one is horny. The sterilization of sexuality and sex is everywhere, past even film. It’s a response to the acceleration of capitalism, war and colonial extraction of the earth. It has crept into the ways we view ourselves, our experience and our bodies.
One thing I took away from this essay is that to align yourself with traditional beauty standards will make you too tired to fuck. Similarly, the whole « working on yourself » grind that I heard on first dates all the time is this strange, individualistic perspective that makes you too exhausted and distracted for the holistic chemistry we desire. We flatten our lives to marketable lines that make us appear attractive - I’m working on myself, I’ve been going to therapy, I have a nice job and apartment. And while people are obviously horny, they don’t know for what - forming our bodies to be better, our minds fixed and correct, we can’t pinpoint what the purpose is cause we’re too fucking exhausted to investigate further than that. Love, desire, and chemistry feel more and more elusive.
For us to morph ourselves into the image of sexiness according to western beauty standards, there is sacrifice (nutrients, your current corporeal form, the ability to be perceived as more than an object, working long hours for your grind) that doesn’t align with sensuality (unless you’re into that). There is no room for the spectrum of sensations you body is capable of feeling. There is no room for desire when we’ve given it all up the capitalist war machine. :p
Mar 10, 2025
i read this book right after leaving an abusive relationship, trying to figure out what love was for me and how i could see it in my recently shook up world.
bell hooks writes in a simple, honest language. it’s a beautiful, accessible book that humbled me and taught me how to love people and where find the love i desired.
Feb 20, 2025