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What do you mean my birth chart is a map of this life and that I chose to take human form to experience pain and things like a 4 month soul consuming relationship with someone I actually genuinely thought I had a future with and was the love of my life for it to almost destroy and break down all these things in my life to the point where I just don’t even know what the fuck is going on anymore I’m stuck on a spiral thought pattern and need to figure out how to evolve past all of this which I always do. I’m better at handling the loss than I am at staying and making it work.
Jan 23, 2025
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Aug 26, 2024
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some evolutionary niche opened up around 300,000 years ago allowing a select group of primates to adapt larger brains in exchange for larger muscle mass and other such traits. it was an astounding success leading to that group of primates to become the most dominant species on the planet. but maybe it came with a price. a price larger than simply larger muscles or better smell. the brains became so advanced and computable that they were able to question their animalistic nature itself. the purpose of all life is that of a divine ring. the days pass in the same cycle as the seasons, such in the same cycle as the years. death and rebirth. that’s truly the meaning of life. to live, then die. in the primal sense of other living things, that’s simply the way of the world, there’s no need to question, as if the rest of the myriad creatures on earth have the capacity to question it. but our brains adapted past that. we developed a certain "post natural" mode of thought. somehow we pushed past the simple cycles of the universe. we have the innate drive of death and rebirth, looking to reproduce and spread. but we became to adept. we lost track of where to end. we fight wars over what we think is the meaning to it all. we harbour money and material wealth to spread influence over others. we created new meanings for ourselves. created goals and endings for when we’d be "complete". we conquered the world looking for one of those answers. those in power incessantly use their power to find their answer. those without try to keep up. we’ve searched and dug up every inch of the planet we were born on in search of our answer, and now, as we’ve desecrated our planet and realized our grand goal for an answer isn’t here, we’ve decided to look beyond our planet. maybe the next one will have our answer. and the next one. and the next one. and the next one. it’s always been the same cycle of desecration, disappointment, and moving on to the next one. the answer isn’t hidden among the stars, or under the ocean, or in the next country over, or in the harboring of trillions of dollars, or in the ultimate manifestation of power. it’s in the orginal cycle of death and rebirth. the experience of life granted to us through the seemingly divine gift of "consciousness". we are notably different from the myriad of earthly creatures, but not in a way that should matter. all that changed were some environmental conditions that allowed our primate ancestors to adapt larger brains. our purpose never shifted. our purpose on earth is to live and experience, then to die, allowing the circle to repeat. it’s no different from any other life form.
Mar 3, 2025
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Nothing really happened today.
Im still thinking about just about everything I've done in the last while. I miss the life I used to have but hate the person I used to be. Unfortunately, I haven't changed much.
One step at a time.
Jan 8, 2025
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I listen to this song and experience such a crazy range of emotions the feelings change every time I hear it
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 23, 2025
when I was 18 in 2014 I listened to this ep the first time I did acid while my situationship (this word didn’t exist then) was at work. He lived next to the Stockton tunnel in the city and I could sit on the fire escape of the tiny junior one bedroom. We’d smoke spliffs and create art because we were both art students. I’m reading the lyrics and realize they feel oddly poetic and representative of my life since then.
you left me and I woulda done the same
you’re all poised and I’m made of poison
Anyways kitty is the queen of hyper pop
Jan 22, 2025