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People often ask this question on my countryâs subreddit and i can definitely understand their âfrustrationâ when it comes to feeling âlonelyâ. However i always say :
In order to find new friends you should find yourself first.
- Discovering your true self is mandatory to be able to find new friends, what are your interests ? What inspires you in life ? Whatâs your perspective in certain things ?
Once we truly find something that could connect us with other people, friends will come along easily (Not easily a 100% but itâs a step forward to that)
Then the internet stays the best way to connect with new people honestly, it all depends on the usage !
You like art ? Post your work, your opinions about certain art pieces, ask for advice to âperfectâ your work and see your cmments and dms be full of people WILLING to help and connect !
Same thing for the rest of the interests !
Political opinions ? Join the right subreddits for it
IT field ? Join discord and github communities
You like Gardening ? Facebook groups and subreddits !
You canât imagine how many GOOD people are out there willing to share and connect and help those with their same interests!
And people are so interested in whatâs new ! What you think is ânormalâ for you can literally make you so interesting for some people ! (The way you dress, the way you talk, even how you arrange your bag ! Just keep a smile on your face đ).
Just donât get attached too easily and give it time to grow.
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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idk if any of this will be remotely helpful, but this is generally how i see socializing
to find friends:
1. do something consistently
2. do something where other people are also (generally) by themselves
3. do something that requires discussion
exercise classes, coffee shops, open studios, libraries, organizing/protesting/charity work; really to acquire friends you just have to do things that's it. do things you like so you are around people who share similar interests and thus will have a higher "friend hit rate" but really the most essential point on the list is the first one (the other two are nice bonus'). with enough consistency you become noticed and then boom.
on becoming friends:
1. open invites
2. follow ups
now that you've just met some people, get them into your circle by open inviting them to things. if you're going out later that night, offer for them to join. if you're both in a pottery class maybe offer an open invite to a gallery you're visiting. this is how you shift casual acquaintances to actual friends. the important thing is to concretize your plans tho. you're not trying to pressure them but you do want to make them feel like it was more than just a vapid offer, so after you suggest it wait a bit and follow up with details. this also goes for the reverse of being given an open invite.
on being friends:
1. do
the best piece of advice (which might have come from pi.fyi) is that sometimes you just need to be the doer. maybe you see a tiktok about a picnic with friends and you think dang wouldn't it would be cool if my friends did that. well, there's nothing stopping you, you have to be the friend that does stuff. obviously this is a little time consuming and exhausting but generally people want to pay it forward so once you get the ball rolling on the friend group doing stuff, people usually follow suit
also fear is the mind killer, go forth and be
Jan 27, 2025
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if there is a simple method to making friends it is seeing the same people at the same place(s) week after week. in some phases of life this is easier; ex, freshman year of college dorm. in other phases of life it is more difficult.
regardless, you have interests. other people have those interests. find people with those interests, that are fun, and also have space in their life for new people. do the interest together at some sort of location. then, invite the various people you've met over for a dinner party. voila- friends.
this isn't always a quick process, and it will likely be often frustrating and disappointing. its worth it though. the internet can help facilitate with meeting similar people who are open to friends.
specific things that have worked for me: going out dancing/club scene, internet(reddit/twitter), friends of friends, seeing movies, having people over for dinner.
good luck!
Mar 11, 2024
Top Recs from @la9atate
I canât find the Creator and i am mad about it because i wanna credit the one who made sure to put this for free.
Iâve found this website RetroPrint where they show the details of how you can make a Windows 95 customised theme on your phone (with over 800 icons app to choose from 27 of them are already made for the modern apps like netflix twitter etc - some graphics for the widgets too And 3 sounds.)
Jan 30, 2025
If there is one style that literally calms me is stippling.
The endless dots, the slow process, the nuance effect, the final results.
I just love it and appreciate it even more when i spend hours/days to finish one.
Jan 13, 2025
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The fact that i can stay in bed warm with my phone or laptop and music in the background as i watch my favourite movies/series/youtube vids with a warm tea is simple enough to make me grateful for wherever i am today.
Worrying about what I should wear to work is a beautiful thing because itâs a privilege that sadly some people canât afford :(
Complaining about to cook is a beautiful thing because someone somewhere sadly canât even afford/have access to a simple bread piece.
Literally feeling the warmth of the sun while standing waiting for the bus is a beautiful thing to cherish and be grateful for.
Jan 11, 2025