FUCK SOCIAL MEDIA. Im obsessed with it. how could i not be? it seems to be one of the few ways my body can get dopamine other than inhaling burning plants and reading fun facts. So, without warning to my loyal instagram story likers who are probably scared and crying and lost without me (no one noticed), i deleted the apps.
then I went outside. i sat by the river and let the sun do it's thing. boom: phat hit of dopamine. but the real kind. Saw a mama bald eagle and a teen baldie hunting together. boom: thinking about something other than myself. wondering if the teen ate any of his siblings. wondering what the mom will do when he goes off on his own. is she proud of him? do they argue? but then i remember they're birds and dont work like that. just like that im back in my body again, demystified by the impassive nature of birds. ugh. then my hands reached for my phone without thinking. i cursed at myself.
all social media does is distract, because when i try to relax without it, i get antsy from craving other stimuli. but what am i trying to distract myself from? my own thoughts? how sad is that? why cant i just sit somewhere and think for awhile and feel fulfilled?
the sun is still out. birds still flying overhead, and i'm thinking about my need for distraction–– a distraction within itself. this is what social media has done to me. i feel stuck in a big ole sticky spider web called the internet and have no fucking idea where else to satisfy my dopamine addicted brain.
(so anyway, hiiii perfectly imperfecttttt xxoxoxxoxo hope u can help me reestablish my relationship with the interweb? i need a fix from somewhere im a junkie!!!!!!!!!! )