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If you know me you know I am Gore Vidalās number one fan but for somebody who was known for being so coldly and precisely self-aware, he was often simultaneously totally lacking in self awareness. He created elaborate copium narratives about himself just as much as if not more than the people he accused of doing so and seemed to exist in a perpetual and unyielding state of self-deception and repression, with a very interesting definition of what it means to be truthful. Thatās a major part of what makes him so fascinating to me.
I love his hateration towards Henry Miller because half of it is real and accurate and half of it reads like narcissistic projectionācritiquing Miller for his arrogance and elaborate self-mythologizing when his own biography ended up being entitled Empire of the Selfāand all of it is hilarious and cutting in his typical fashion.
āYet Henry never seems to do anything for anyone, other than to provide moments of sexual glory which we must take on faith. He does, however, talk a lot and the people he knows are addicted to his conversation. āDonāt stop talking nowā¦please,ā begs a woman whose life is being changed, as Henry in a manic mood tells her all sorts of liberating things like āNothing would be bad or ugly or evilā if we really let ourselves go. But itās hard to make people understand that.ā To which the only answer is that of another straight man in the text who says, āYou said it, Henry. Jesus, having you around is like getting a shot in the arm.ā For a man who boasts of writing nothing but the truth, I find it more than odd that not once in the course of a long narrative does anyone say, āHenry, youāre full of shit.ā It is possible, of course, that no one ever did, but I doubt it.ā
Feb 12, 2025
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I love the synergy of seeing this Rec while Live from Golgotha is literally laying on my chest waiting for me to get off my phone and finish reading it.
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Hands-down the most deranged and hilarious book Iāve ever read. Vidalās style and his mind are unmatched! Structurally itās very unique and he called it āaprĆØs post-structuralismā
Dec 21, 2024
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Timothy McVeigh wrote to Gore Vidal after reading his 1998 Vanity Fair essay on the erosion of American civil liberties; they engaged in ongoing written correspondence for three years and Vidal was one of three āfriend witnessesā invited by McVeigh to attend his execution.
I was asked for a recommendation of an exemplary Gore Vidal essay for someone whoās never read his work. I feel obliged to share this piece he wrote for Vanity Fair about Timothy McVeigh with everyone as it would be the perfect starting point to get a sense of his beliefs + his inimitable style, wit and wisdomā¦ š
May 21, 2024
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a book of his journals and writing about writing. every page is an opus and he captures what itās like to be an artist and distills these instincts / urges, struggles of fitting into the ārealā world etc. with language that examines the journey through the psyche
Sep 26, 2024
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āLife shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.ā
ā AnaĆÆs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that Iāve safely landed at the start of my new life. Itās honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think itās important to share.
Iāve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, weād have been together for 11 years, and weāve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with peopleāto rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. Heās been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. Iāve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
Iāve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitelyābut someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial andĀ logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and itās going to be tough for a while but Iām going to be better than okay!
Now Iām opening up to you. This isnāt the only abuse Iāve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolationāand breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me š
22h ago
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebodyābe it a relative or one of my best friendsāwas to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too š
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ā
š
Feb 27, 2025