Everything above 100% is true btw^ All things considered I think I have a pretty normal interior landscape. Songs get stuck in my head. I daydream & I fantasize & I ruminate & I contemplate. Sometimes my mind is busy, sometimes it is totally quiet. Memory is something that constantly fails me-- it's closer to propaganda than documentary to me. And the projectionist who plays the propaganda to me is this blind, deaf, volatile schizophrenic intent on making me, the rememberer, as deluded & ill informed as possible. Sometimes I'll have this strange feeling that I've received a memory from the future in a dream, even more rarely I'll get this sort of memory in the waking world. To understand what I'm talking about, click the link I've supplied. But really, honestly, outside of that I like to daydream a lot. Today I was thinking about visiting Georgia & daydreaming about being a young Russian nobleman in the 19th century, the son of some diplomat or something, laid out in some Tblisi opium den. I'm faded as fuck & I'm staring at the rug and the ceiling & then rolling over facedown in the naked breasts of some Georgian woman. She is perfumed & her arms are fat & she pets my hair and coos-- this is incredibly disgusting to me of course. Sometimes I think that Consciousness is a curse. Free will was given to us by God, but Knowledge of Good & Evil was something that we were tricked into taking up by the serpent (ouroboros). Not a coincidence that all great sages exhort those who seek wisdom to cease with their perception & their perception of perception & their perception of perception of perception. Meta-cognition is the flattened out ourobouros (serpent) that traps the thinker in Hell.
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Feb 14, 2025

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Feeling very simpatico reading this though I am not a shape rotator and I’m pure wordcel. I had a disturbingly prophetic and symbolic dream about a month ago that when I look back at it was a little too on the nose. I do believe consciousness is a curse and the root of human evil But I also kind of don’t believe in free will.
Feb 15, 2025
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taterhole please tell me more about this prophetic dream. I look forward to hearing more about your own thoughtscape
Feb 15, 2025
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steelyfan1998 I can’t tell you why it was prophetic in so much detail but it precipitated an arrival. this is what I wrote about it lol... quite a lot to unpack!!!! I was in a large building and kept running into him in the elevator, again and again. He looked the same as when I had known him but had grown into himself at the precipice of 30. I noticed he had a medical tube which he attempted to conceal, and his mother followed him wherever he went, watching in case he had a medical emergency. He repeatedly sought me out to speak to me and his mother seemed worried about him becoming involved with me. I had an appointment to get my hair cut, colored, and styled, with a photoshoot to take place at the end (I am a hair model in waking life—an informal arrangement to the benefit of my vanity and my stubborn cheapskate nature). I was hoping he could see me when my transformation was complete and watch me as I posed (after my last hair appointment in December, a cashier at Whole Foods felt compelled to tell me that the colors and shapes of my hairstyle reminded him of a phoenix). He suddenly turned into a dog (looking back in retrospect, I thought perhaps this was influenced by Babygirl, but I saw it the following evening). I was trying to help him. His mother saw how I was caring for him and changed her mind about the way she saw me: she was grateful. He had a stabbing pain in his head from being overwhelmed with something; I feared I had done this to him and I felt as if I had to walk away to make his pain stop. I turned a corner in the labyrinthine halls and went to see my stylist.
Feb 15, 2025
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taterhole man oh man. I hope that the arrival that this dream precipitated was more fortunate than what transpired in the dream. very tragic, very beautiful dream.
Feb 15, 2025
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steelyfan1998 only time will tell though at this point I fear it may have been accurate in its totality 💔
Feb 15, 2025

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I like looking back at the root of humanity, what if I had nothing but my senses and the world; it completely contradicts everything we are today (civilized to the break of insanity) figure yourself out in a higher philosophical level!
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I like looking back at the root of humanity, what if I had nothing but my senses and the world; it completely contradicts everything we are today (civilized to the break of insanity) figure yourself out in a higher philosophical level!
Jan 10, 2025
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i've been wrestling with this idea for a little while let me know if you have any insight i'm fascinated by the idea of true belief. i want it, i admire it, i respect it. i also think it is scary and it can cause so much damage. lately i've been thinking how everything we see we process through our own perception, so all of reality is subjective. we can interact with nothing as it is, but only as we are. if you think about synchronicity too, all meaning projected onto the world becomes valid and true. everything exists only to confirm what you're experiencing. if you believe the phase of the moon being the same at two points in time holds meaning, it does because it's just another part of your mental map. but when it comes to religion and politics it can be so destructive. i wasn't raised with religion but i have always felt myself drawn towards it. i am at the same time very critical of it, especially how the human aspect of organized religion tends to be used for control, but i truly admire true belief. but seeing the results of it, like the persecution of trans people in american politics, is scary and sends me back to the critical mindset. but there's still some appeal i can't shake. what if there were a geocentrist today? someone who worked a normal job, went about an ordinary life, they just happened to believe the earth was at the center of the universe. that's kind of a beautiful thing. if you only draw conclusions from your own experience, of course the earth is at the center. everything seems to orbit around it. and there's still a purity in believing only in what you have found for yourself. the world would live only in their mind, and each world created by each person is all the more precious for being unique and reflective of its individual. i'm just rambling at this point, but what do you guys think? true belief: yes or no?
2d ago

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sometimes you just need to read some real shit straight from the realest person you know .
Feb 24, 2025
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This is a confession post, not a recommendation, not even much of an anti-recommendation. Tbh it reads like a humilation ritual. Honestly just keep scrolling; it's not worth reading. I'm just posting it because I think I had a point when I first started writing this, one which I lost pretty wuickly. But I spent a good couple of minutes typing this all out, so I'll post it anyway. Thank God I'm anon. If you do read it, please forgive me. My friend Tyler brought a joint to the super bowl party last night. He handed it to me & told me about how it had weed diamonds in it while I smoked, he told me that it was some good shit and that I wouldn't have to smoke so much of it since I've got such a low tolerance & all, but I could also smoke as much as I liked, seeing as he had a bunch more & that it was the super bowl & we had a bunch of wings on the way anyway, so might as well smoke some more weed so you know what? yeah, i smoked some more weed since what's the harm anyway it's just weed after all. I've been a mess all day. I've been slow & stupid & disgustingly horny since I woke up this morning; but really honestly since I smoked the weed. If you're one of those types that "actually becomes more functional when you're smoking weed" & that I should "just let people enjoy things" I don't know what to say to you. I'm going to be weird for 4 weeks now and it's all my fault. This happens every time. Even when it doesn't turn me into a non-verbal paranoiac nutcase, even when it's enjoyable to me in that moment-- I become something lower than a beast. I stand over the platter of chicken wings & gorge until I am sick and then I gorge even more. My stomach becomes distended & my face and fingers are covered in thai curry buffalo chicken fat goo. I waddle around & fart & I find this very funny. I confuse the sound of my own voice with that of my younger sisters & this is incredibly disqueting to me. Do I really sound like that? I become a big confused overgrown fat baby. I'm going to be be weird for four weeks now. Slow. I was supposed to meet up with my friends to watch Luka's debut for the Lakers. I'm stitting at my desk typing this up; procrastinating going to the gym (which I can NOT neglect [especially after my evening of spiritual obesity]) & the game starts in 5 minutes. Stupid. Typing out this confession right now is painfully difficult. Every word that I type has the appearance of a whitehead that can't be popped to me. This textbox full of blemishes so infuriatingly, stubbornly, immutably DISGUSTING. I feel sick just reading back what I'm writing here. Once again, if you've made it this far, forgive me. This is a confession, not a recommendation. Disgustingly horny. This one I won't elaborate on. Forgive me. It's not because I smoked weed. The smoking of the weed was just the first movement in a sequence that had already begun before I'd even accepted the joint from Tyler. My own spiritual weakness is the mantle upon which all of these failings hang. I'm not this way because I smoked weed, I'm this way because I'm the type of guy that smokes weed even though I know what it will do to me. There are 999,999,999 other weeds in my life that I am all too willing to permit myself. I haven't eaten anything but bread & butter all day. The lakers game is starting soon. Off to the gym I go.
Feb 11, 2025