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i've been wrestling with this idea for a little while
let me know if you have any insight
i'm fascinated by the idea of true belief. i want it, i admire it, i respect it. i also think it is scary and it can cause so much damage.
lately i've been thinking how everything we see we process through our own perception, so all of reality is subjective. we can interact with nothing as it is, but only as we are. if you think about synchronicity too, all meaning projected onto the world becomes valid and true. everything exists only to confirm what you're experiencing. if you believe the phase of the moon being the same at two points in time holds meaning, it does because it's just another part of your mental map.
but when it comes to religion and politics it can be so destructive. i wasn't raised with religion but i have always felt myself drawn towards it. i am at the same time very critical of it, especially how the human aspect of organized religion tends to be used for control, but i truly admire true belief. but seeing the results of it, like the persecution of trans people in american politics, is scary and sends me back to the critical mindset. but there's still some appeal i can't shake.
what if there were a geocentrist today? someone who worked a normal job, went about an ordinary life, they just happened to believe the earth was at the center of the universe. that's kind of a beautiful thing. if you only draw conclusions from your own experience, of course the earth is at the center. everything seems to orbit around it. and there's still a purity in believing only in what you have found for yourself. the world would live only in their mind, and each world created by each person is all the more precious for being unique and reflective of its individual.
i'm just rambling at this point, but what do you guys think? true belief: yes or no?
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Everything above 100% is true btw^
All things considered I think I have a pretty normal interior landscape. Songs get stuck in my head. I daydream & I fantasize & I ruminate & I contemplate. Sometimes my mind is busy, sometimes it is totally quiet. Memory is something that constantly fails me-- it's closer to propaganda than documentary to me. And the projectionist who plays the propaganda to me is this blind, deaf, volatile schizophrenic intent on making me, the rememberer, as deluded & ill informed as possible. Sometimes I'll have this strange feeling that I've received a memory from the future in a dream, even more rarely I'll get this sort of memory in the waking world. To understand what I'm talking about, click the link I've supplied.
But really, honestly, outside of that I like to daydream a lot. Today I was thinking about visiting Georgia & daydreaming about being a young Russian nobleman in the 19th century, the son of some diplomat or something, laid out in some Tblisi opium den. I'm faded as fuck & I'm staring at the rug and the ceiling & then rolling over facedown in the naked breasts of some Georgian woman. She is perfumed & her arms are fat & she pets my hair and coos-- this is incredibly disgusting to me of course.
Sometimes I think that Consciousness is a curse. Free will was given to us by God, but Knowledge of Good & Evil was something that we were tricked into taking up by the serpent (ouroboros). Not a coincidence that all great sages exhort those who seek wisdom to cease with their perception & their perception of perception & their perception of perception of perception. Meta-cognition is the flattened out ourobouros (serpent) that traps the thinker in Hell.
Feb 14, 2025
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accidentally joined a group for people interested in gnosticism but i said heck let's see what this is about so i joined their first group seminar...
and uhhh sounds like a cult
i appreciate spirituality and have beliefs based on psychedelics, crystals and planetary shit that others may find bonkers.
i also appreciate using religion and any sort of spirituality as guidance for you to feel better and become a better version of yourself.
however the communities like the ones in the seminar are alarming. you should definitely not listen to somebody that claims to know the mysteries of the universe or have some incredible knowledge that they acquired through mysticism. you can learn, meditate and make your own meaning but claiming you're a new prophet of the one true religion, a divine messenger of god, or have any relation to a higher power that is directly communicating + giving directions to the masses through you is wild.
this is a pretty basic level ramble, but i see why the in-group quality of a "healing" community is so attractive here. everyone wants to be a part of something especially in this loneliness epidemic, and even more so if it sounds like it's going to improve you mentally or physically.
all that is to say just be careful y'all.
imma read some climate crisis, psilocybin and sociological substacks now
Oct 17, 2024
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absurdism is the idea that life has no inherent meaning, and humans struggle because we keep searching for meaning in a meaningless universe.
Albert Camus’ paradox called
“the absurd“: we crave meaning but the universe gives us none. the desire for purpose and the silent indifferent world.
the illusion of control is about believing we have power over things we dont. its comforting to think our choices shape everything.
both ideas challenge the notion that we can impose order on life.
criticisms:
1. it contradicts itself
absurdism claims life has no inherent meaning, yet cramus argues we should embrace the absurd in order to live fully. But isnt choosing to embrace life a kind of meaning? if rejecting meaning is itself a meaningful choice doesn't that contradict the core idea?
2. it underestimates human nature
humans naturally seek meaning, pattern, and purpose. absurdism suggests that ignoring or resisting this drive isnt realistic. if meaning is something we need, can we truly live without it, or is absurdism just an intellectual stance that doesn't hold up in everyday life
questions i have:
1. is accepting the absurd truly freeing, or just another way of coping?
- Camus says we should embrace the absurd and live anyway, but is that just another “meaning” we create to make existence tolerable?
2. If control is an illusion, how do we explain personal responsibility?
-if we dont really have control, dose that mean we’re not responsible for our actions? or is there still some level of agency within chaos?
3. whats the difference between embracing absurdism and nihilism?
-nihilism says “nothing matters” while absurdism says “nothing matters… so live anyway.” but is that really enough of a distinction? or is absurdism just a more optimistic version of nihilism?
4. dose meaning exist outside of human perception?
-if we, as humans, disappeared, would “meaning” cease to exist? or is meaning something bigger than us, even if we can’t understand it?
Feb 20, 2025
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i love being alone. i know who i am when i'm alone and i love myself when i'm alone. when i'm around people it's easy to forget and i get lost and aimless.
how do you share parts of yourself without feeling overexposed? even just sharing creative work makes me feel like it's not mine any more and makes me doubt the part of myself that went into making it. but i also feel so stagnant when i'm not putting anything out into the world. where is the balance? how do you deal with this?
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