I made this up in like 10 minutes but this has been my thought process as an "ex" introvert
Should I Stay or Leave? A Decision Flowchart for Introverts
Am I feeling unsafe?
Yes → Is it because I’m anxious, or is it a genuinely unsafe situation?If anxious/new: Wait 20 minutes to see if I acclimate.If still feeling unsafe after 20 minutes → Leave.
No → Move to the next step.
Am I feeling bored?
Yes → Can I find something interesting here?Yes → Engage with that.No → Suggest a more interesting activity.Did they change the activity?Yes → Stay and reassess.No → Stay for 20 more minutes.Still bored? → Leave.
No → Move to the next step.
Am I feeling uncomfortable?
Yes → Is it a normal level of discomfort?Yes → Give it 20 minutes and reassess.No → Leave.
No → Stay.
A reminder: Many people say, "Get comfortable being uncomfortable," but society often acts like being an introvert is a flaw, as if no normal person could be one. While it's good to challenge yourself, forcing yourself into situations that make you feel awful or completely uninterested isn’t good for your mental health. Uncomfortable situations can help you grow, but if something makes you truly miserable, you should remove yourself. The best way to step out of your comfort zone is to understand why you’re introverted. I grew up introverted because I wasn’t allowed to do much, but pushing myself outside my comfort zone helped me explore my personality. However, if you’re naturally introverted, there’s no reason to force change. Instead, I recommend using a system to decide when to stay in a situation and when to leave—like a simple flowchart to guide your choices.
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ooooooh thats a good way to look at it, will def use since my anxiety is not letting me enjoy life :3
This is such an incredible tool. Definitely gonna be applying this on my next outing. TYSM for sharing! 🙏🏽
This is golden, thanks.
It made me feel really good, and gave me an amazing tool to navigate those emotions.
I’ll use it when i’m feeling a bit off somewhere.
thank you sososo very much
babita Good luck! Remember its your first time being alive it's ok to be afraid of new things!
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What do feel? Where in your body are you carrying your emotions?
Many of our patterns are learned behaviors that have helped us get our needs met. Maybe they were behaviors that were better suited for a different environment (like our childhoods), or maybe they have helped us get our needs met a little bit but not in the best or most fulfilling way.
First, it helps to know what our needs are so we can connect them to our patterns/behaviors, and our needs reveal themselves in our feelings.
I’m a major intellectualizer of my feelings. I can articulate the problems and my motivations and many of the root causes of those problems, but then my therapist would ask “How are you feeling right now?” and I’d have no idea. I would have to *think* about it rather than sit with my body and feel it.
Learning to check in with myself helps me to get a clearer picture of what I need. That might start with my physical sensations. Am I tired and need rest? Am I hungry and need food? It can also be about naming emotions. Am I anxious and reassurance? Am I lonely and need connection? Am I feeling overwhelmed and need space?
Don’t talk yourself out of what you’re feeling. Not all feelings are capital-T true, especially as they relate to the external world, but all feelings contain truths to what you need and can bring you closer to taking new and potentially healthier actions.
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Had a moment last night where I was stacking menus at work and staring out the window and kind of asked myself, “do I really need to stay here?”. Idk, money is important, but I think I’d rather work somewhere that lets my personality shine rather than makes me feel unappreciated and devalued. Makes me feel kinda bad that I decided this is normal instead of sticking up for myself. ~~~not sure what to do ~~~~ :/
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Things that come to mind that I’ve tried:
Firstly, recognizing that it is anxiety. Helps my brain reframe the experience. I most likely didn’t do anything anyone is going to think twice about in a bad way, but rather my dang anxiety is going haywire again and is distorting things.
Loving boundaries with onself. I literally talk to my anxiety like it’s a kid. I give compassion to it, but also draw the boundary that I’m not just going to listen to the same shit over and over if it’s unhelpful. It’s not ignoring, but is is consicously saying NOPE. I’m not doing this to myself! Sometimes, I just need to recognize that yeah that was weird, wtf. But I don’t let myself beat myself up over it.
I also have some go to phrases that help me. Firstly, that no one probably cared or noticed the things I did. And secondly, so what if they did? What’s the worst that could happen? They don’t like me? They confront me? I usually come to the conclusion that while some situations would suck, I actually could handle anything. I’m not a bad person.
Then I distract myself. I practice mindfulness in the things I’m doing so I stay in the present moment. If my mind starts to go back to that, I see if there’s more I need to feel but usually I’ve dealt with it and just say NOPE! I’m done with that now!
I hope this is helpful. Sometimes when extroverting my inner process I’m unsure if it makes sense to anyone but me. But, I’ve been there! I think a lot of people have. And it sucks, but there’s a path forward 🫶
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