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Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler changed my life as a life long atheist. The main protagonist forms her own religion called Earthseed and it believes in the idea that God is Change. Not a big man in the sky but just the changes in the universe that be.
I grew up very very Catholic, and only really separated myself from the church in my mid 20s. I almost put myself in a convent when I was right out of high school.
The most helpful realization to me was that God =/= church. I have a beautiful relationship with a power greater than me, which I call God, that I refuse to chain with rules or edicts from any institution that isn’t simply the act of earnest, no-frills love of others & myself. I made a conscious choice a couple years back to devote myself to a life of honesty and care of my neighbor above all, which were the only foundations of the church that ever made sense to me as a child.
Best of luck discovering your own connection — it may take a while, but it is worth the search :)
I completely understand where you're coming from: I also grew up in the church, but due to community conflicts my family left the congregation and I had basically given up on "church" as an institution. I'm in the camp of agnosticism of "there's something out there, idk if it's the big G-O-D but i believe in some higher being".
Idk if this is gonna resonate, or be of any help: But I think something that has helped me in faith, is the belief that "'God" or a higher power exists in the small (and big) good things; and also a stubborn optimism I got from my dad lol. Like idk, as toxic as the church I had gone to was, as a child they always said "God is Love" and in some small way, I've carried that with me since.
I find God/higher beings in the caterpillars that metamorphisize into butterflies; I find God in the joy of the small meals I share with my friends and family; I find God in the joy my family clings on to during humanity's most evil horrors (and let me tell you, my family has seen shit). I find God in bees collecting pollen from flowers, and in the wins we share as a community. Ig it might be a little esoteric but I think God exists in all the ways that we find joy and persevere, even when the odds say we shouldn't.
I’m going through something similar. Always practice little good habits, little acts of perseverance. Talk to God in your heart, even if you don’t know him. I don’t know what I believe but I know a God exists, so it’s important to at least attempt some sort of relationship with him.
I try to lean into the Absurd, as Camus would call it. We crave meaning and yet the universe is painfully silent when it comes to revealing its secrets. Given how vast the universe is and how little we know about our own world, I feel confident in saying humans don’t have any clue about what’s going on and we may never know. Trying to understand our universe from a human perspective feels like trying to describe the outside world by looking through a pinhole. 1,000 years ago we felt pretty confident in our stances on science, philosophy, and religion, and much of that was totally wrong or deeply flawed. If we are still around in another 1,000 years, I’m sure we’ll discover how much we are getting wrong right now, too.
The older I get, the more I become a mystic: embracing the mystery of the unknown rather than trying to attain all the answers.
I grew up catholic so I thought of god as a very personal entity. Nowadays, I wouldn’t consider myself catholic but I still believe in *something.* To me, it feels like there is a force or an energy that connects all living things both in the present and through time into the past and future.
its not like I feel it all the time, but if I’m open to it, I feel it often enough that I find peace in its existence.
So maybe you could explore something like that? maybe you could find a connection to something that’s not god exactly as you grew up with but something a little different.
you can’t force yourself to believe if you don’t. but it isn’t all that depressing to not believe either. like the other comment says, it’s miraculous that we’re here at all. it’s beautiful that completely by chance and on accident you ended up existing and being able to ask these questions. out of all the inanimate matter out there some of it happened to turn into you. your reason to live is be a thing that can experience pleasure and wonder at things, and if you don’t, you can take comfort in knowing that that doesn’t really matter either.
extendedplay very true!! life is so beautiful regardless of if i believe or not. i put too much pressure on myself to believe
I don’t really believe in a higher being anymore, nor an afterlife, as nice as that would be.
But because of that, I feel more inclined to make the most out of life since I won’t have an afterlife to have whatever I want in.
So my belief is in having a happy life, I like to stay optimistic and take on opportunities to meet people and do activities that enrich my life. If I’m ever feeling down, I won’t dwell on it because being sad or angry is a poor use of our limited time.
~to live at all is miracle enough~
As for the wider global picture, a lot is wrong in the world. Yet take comfort in how there are still many people helping to fix it.
sniffle i genuinely love this response so much!! i also try to fill my life with great things that fuel my soul. i suppose my problem is dwelling too much on the bad moments and wanting to find someone (a higher power) to blame for my own problems.
sniffle the afterlife part also bums me out because i agree, i don’t think anything comes after we die. but it would be cool as hell if we got to party everyday in the afterlife 🛹
eliz6a thank you, yes when I stopped praying I realised that I better dealt with issues by actually being proactive. Instead of just sweeping it under the rug with a prayer, and hope that somehow someone I haven’t even met will sort out everything for me.
Feels like it makes me more charitable too because I can’t just say a prayer in the hope that will fix inequality.
eliz6a yeah, no afterlife isn’t great to think about too much. But you know, if you go out with low expectations then you’ll be easy to please if there is an afterlife! Even if it’s a tropical forever holiday in hell
sniffle I read your comment about feeling like you're sweeping things under the rug with prayer, and I wanted to say that I completely understand the feeling and agree.
I think a phrase that's transformed my relationship with it was when my (very catholic) Filipino grandmother told me "Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa"-- it quite literally means "you'll find mercy in God, and action in people".
And idk like,, it's helped me frame my rly agnostic faith in a way that's like "I'm gonna ask for whoever's there to give me the strength to help make the world a better place" rather than approaching it like "pretty pwease do it for me so I don't have to lift a finger" LOL
