Related Recs

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we don't know what's best for others

we barely know what's best for ourselves. we're constantly responding to stimuli and conditioning ourselves on how to respond to future stimuli by how we respond to current ones over the course of a lifetime that by the time you meet someone and get to know them, trying to solve their problems for them is deeply infantilizing, arrogant, and ineffective in a way that is just deeply harmful to the relationship you're trying to cultivate in the first place by offering your perspective it sucks to see people you love struggling but if unsolicited, unhelpful advice is somehow a universal pet peeve that every single person has then we clearly need to learn to just be with each other as we are struggling, and learn how to be helpful when someone wants / needs us to be

@alaiyo

Mar 27, 2024

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smart ≠ wise

Remember that, smart alecks! Some more of my core guiding principles around this idea: Truth and fact are two sides of the same coin. They are interconnected but not interchangeable. On a similar note: Truth is complex and often paradoxical. If you think you can lay it out in black and white terms, sorry bud – you don’t have a handle on it. The capacity to hold space for seemingly conflicting ideas is essential. That means letting go of the idea that your truth is the truth. Critique something/someone only from a place of understanding ^ did a whole rec on this. To add to it: if you spend a lot of time criticizing those who you disagree with, whose benefit is it for? Mainly it’s a signifier to those who you do agree with that you’re part of the same in-group. That’s fine and it has its place, but constructively challenging the views and behaviors of those within your own community (including yourself!) is much more valuable. And on that note: Understanding ≠ condoning Most people skip the work of trying to truly understand because they’re afraid they’ll seem complicit. Say someone commits a violent crime. Trying to understand the familial, socioeconomic, and systemic circumstances that factored in – developing empathy for this person – does not mean you condone the behavior or that you care any less for the victim of their crime. You are not doing any good to the cause of peace of justice or whatever you claim to stand for by refusing to understand people (however fucked up and misguided they may be). ——— Ok that’s long enough, maybe I’ll drop some fun ones in another post lol bye

@solomonki

Jul 17, 2024

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MISANTHROPY

Recently a close friend (my ex-boyfriend) called me a misanthrope. I felt a little insulted, but I didn’t disagree… Scrooge is a misanthrope. That guy notoriously really sucks until he isn’t a misanthrope anymore. Then everyone decides he’s better. I’m not sure I agree with this. Maybe Scrooge was right all along! Scrooge’s real issue was the degree in which he was misanthropic (also his hoarding of wealth but that’s not what this is about). You can’t let it control your life. But a little bit of misanthropy never hurt anyone. Am I really a misanthrope? Sure, yeah, I don’t really like people! Or at least… I don’t like most people. Or maybe what I mean is that I don’t like people because I have to or because I should. The sole reason I like a person isn’t just because they are talented or successful or beautiful or (ugh) popular. Sure, if someone I do like has those qualities then that’s great of course… But for a long time, I think I may have deluded myself that some of my friendships were deeper than my attraction to those qualities and how they benefited me and vice versa. Like an ouroboros of narcissism disguised as friendship and intimacy. For a long time, I was nervous to give in to what felt like my less personable traits, like being critical of people, or being reclusive, because I didn’t want to degrade my social capital, I didn’t want to be perceived as the bitch I was afraid I really was deep down inside. But the more I felt guilt over my feelings of dislike, the more I started to hate myself, the more I started to act in ways that I never would have, had I just been more conscious of the reasons behind my lifestyle in the first place. And I know that not everybody has experienced this, but I know I’m not the only one who has. The realization that I was living a life that was a rejection of my actual self in order to protect my place in “the world” was not an easy one to come to. It’s not like it’s easy to admit to yourself that you aren’t immune to the shallowest impulses of human behavior and connection. It’s so much easier to continue pretending that you enjoy the presence of everyone around you, that you like all the things they do and make and say. It’s easy to accept someone as being interesting and smart because everyone says they are and because they are right there looking at you, talking to you. And so it’s then very easy to assume that you are also smart and interesting, because they are, or at least everyone says they are. And if questioning someone's merit also questions yours? Well it’s just easier to not. It’s easy because it feels good to be liked, it feels good to be liked by people who other people like. It feels good to receive admiration for simply ‘being’. But just because something is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. And this is where a little touch of misanthropy comes in to save the day. And not like, hate for mankind! Just an acceptance of your own moral failings, and those of the people around you. It’s weird because as soon as I took myself out of the center of the dissatisfactions of my life, only then was I finally able to honestly relate to everyone. It’s like… We are all equal to each other in our inadequacies, but then different in what we do about it. So, once you’ve come to the realization that you might suck and that the people around you might suck, and that both of these things lend themselves to making the entirety of your life suck, you can take action!

@blu-hunt

Oct 13, 2022

Top Recs from @nostoc

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the oregon coast

in my opinion a strong contender for the most beautiful place in the usa. it feels like home to me and i cannot wait to be there again. hope you can make it there someday :)

@nostoc

Feb 26, 2025

5

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there's always a place for you out there

you have to remember that as urgently as you search for your family, they too search for you

@nostoc

Feb 1, 2025

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which paranormal creature are you?

@nostoc

Jan 31, 2025

8