my mom died last year and in regard to grieving after it was all said and done— i tried really hard to let myself take as long as i needed to feel shitty. i still will have a really hard day sometimes for all kinds of reasons. it will sneak up on you. just let it happen. i am still trying to make a point to just let myself be sad and look at pictures of my mom and listen to her favorite songs sometimes. it helps. it won’t go away but it will get easier. i’m so sorry you’re going through it. ❤️
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I was very young when my mum was in end of life care so my frame of reference is processed through childhood eyes, but one thing I wish had been done differently was that I wish I’d had more time to wallow and process. just going to school when my mum was at home dying was very weird, and meant it took longer for me to process that was was going on was a big deal that I was allowed (and supposed) to feel sad about it. So my advice would to be give yourself TIME. Going about your daily life, studies, work etc as if everything is normal feels so strange. Obviously we need some normality so as not to crumble, but allow yourself the time for it to not be normal. Take time off! If it’s possible for you, take more time off than you think is even necessary. keep doing things you enjoy, but don’t push to keep on as normal. If you’re in a situation where it would be frowned upon for you to cry, that is not a situation for you to be in right now. (most of the time just knowing you could safely cry leaves space for you to be able to laugh). Also in terms of making it easier on your mum and everyone, in my experience when people come to the end of their lives they need honesty over denial. obviously this depends on the characters of the people involved, but I would say lean into the weirdness of it, acknowledge how scary and awful it is, don’t pretend it’s fine. let your brave mask fall, it’s in those moments you find real connection.
May 24, 2024
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as much as you can - allow yourself to feel the pain. don’t judge yourself for however you’re feeling. keep busy and devote time to yourself but forgive if sometimes you still gotta stay in and sob. build up a beautiful life while grieving at the same time - and eventually you will realize you’re now as fully engaged with joy, pleasure, & passion as you once were with heartbreak !!!
Mar 16, 2024
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i don't know what happened, but i'm sorry. i think you cope by grieving and mourning. that's what i did. i journaled and cried and howled and screamed and rolled on the floor. i did this for an entire year. and it still wasn't enough. so i reached out to them like 4 days ago lol and it gave me the closure i so desperately needed. please please please remember to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and show up for yourself even when it's the hardest thing to do. spend time with loved ones. do the things that you love. rediscover your passions. focus on you. treat yourself like the absolute g you are. remember who you are outside of this. it's so easy to lose yourself in this process of grieving. i believe in you. you can get through this <3
Jan 9, 2025
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as a society we should be doing more cultural analysis of the ubiquity of bathroom graffiti
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