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going to be single again for first time in a while later today. how do you guys move past things? even if im are happy about things ending, frustration, mourning, annoyance, and a plethora of emotions are still so present. how do you balance life and get things done in times of emotional upheaval?
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Itâs a blessing when big changes come all at once. The absence of the relationship wonât be a hole in the life you had because youâre going to have a new one! Let yourself get caught up in all the adjusting youâll be doingâmoving, new friends, job search, gigs. Process, live the pain, etc. but in moderation⊠Itâs harder to move on and look forward to change when intense loneliness/inactivity feels like a sign that things would be so much better if you were just together again. Enjoy, build up a network of care. Lean on your friends and family A LOT. Prioritize seeing the people who love you. Get on a plane or a bus or whatever you have to do, it is essential to get quality time with the beloveds during this period of loss and transition. Speaking from experience lol xoxoxo good luck <3
Jun 18, 2024
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transitionary periods are never easy, and iâm sorry youâre having to let go of so many things youâve come to find comfort in, but not having an immediate sense of what to do next is not necessarily a bad thing. I had a similar phase of moving home after college, and it sucked for plenty of reasons, but it also gave me time and space to settle for a moment and reassess what my path was.
for a lot of people, itâs very easy to follow whatever momentum (career-wise or personal life-wise) theyâve been riding during undergrad and follow that to the next immediate opportunity, and a lot of people find contentment that way! but having an interruption to this sequence provides you with a unique opportunity to interrogate some assumptions you may have had about your future. is this career field really where you see yourself? is this city where you picture yourself settling? are you following the expectations imposed on you by others or are you following your own motivations and values? use this brief intermission to mourn what you are losing, but also to consider what you might build for yourself when freed from the necessity of following whatever path you have been on.
if you donât like the situation youâre returning to, what would be a totally new scenario that would be better for you? envision that, and if the idea is compelling enough, pursue it. until you develop that vision, you may have to do some things to occupy yourself in the meantime that you may not find a lot of fulfillment in. maybe you find a part time job somewhere. whatever it is, if you come to dislike it all youâre doing is tuning your compass. use that to inform what you might prefer to do. but stay occupied! trying and making mistakes and learning is better than being idle.
during this process - and it will be a process, be patient with yourself - find ways to surround yourself with supportive community. maybe thatâs your family, maybe itâs friends youâve maintained in the place youâre returning to, maybe you seek out new community in hobbies you have, or you have cultural or religious communities youâre a part of, or you find friends in the workplace or a third social place. at the very least, they will provide you an escape from the stress of this period, but you could also develop relationships with people who can work though this life phase alongside you. whatâs important, though, is that you create reasons to get out and interact with the world. youâre going to be dealing with a lot internally, and isolation can lead to spiraling. who knows, maybe you find a community that is better than what you have left, or maybe you find people who motivate you to pursue whatever you discover is next for you and see you off into the next chapter of your life.
basically, youâre gonna have to do some growth. like all growth, itâll hurt sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, and you may have to leave certain things in the past that you werenât ready to part with just yet, and itâs okay to recognize and process those losses. but so long as you donât resign yourself to despair, and you find a support network that can bolster your spirit, you can come back stronger and more prepared to head down whichever path this process leads you to discover, and with more confidence and determination than the path you had been going down before. best of luck, friend. I hope you find what youâre looking for.
Jun 18, 2024
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for me it has been helpful to frame it as getting through heartbreak rather than over - iâve felt it is more of a journey rather than having an identifiable threshold or fixed point of being âoverâ the person. so - these are my main recommendations for things to do to get through the heartbreak:
this isnât true for everyone, but for me and most people i know, one of the worst things for processing is being around the person a bit right afterâitâs like making your emotional process and brain not be on the same pageâso space is probably the #1 thing i recommend as being useful to fully processing that youâre not together romantically.
music (also films/shows too) can help you feel seen and understoodâheartbreak is a unique type of hurt. i have like 3-4 playlists from different heartbreaks i have been thru lol!
journaling, to process your emotions solo, though sometimes adding a therapist is needed!
hobbies (solo or with friends) so you can find ways to do positive & engaging things in your increased spare time! spend some extra time being in love with yourself. â€ïžâđ©č
source: my personal misfortunes, trials, & tribulations in love
May 22, 2024
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i think itâs ok to be boring. to not have anything special unique or interesting going on. i tell myself to find the part of me that i lost - the part i thought was more fun or intriguing or cool, but maybe you lose parts of yourself for a reason. maybe what iâm doing now, the things that make me happy, are the things that are boring. maybe when you tell yourself that what is boring or wrong, you only make the imposter feeling stronger. sometimes i think all you need is someone to think the things you like are cool, no matter how boring or uninteresting they may be. how boring can you or it really be if it makes you happy, and if it gives you meaning.
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holy fucking shit if you havenât you need to get on it right now. pakistani 80s disco. listen to it rn i linked playlist with my fav songs.
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this is very big for me!!! iâve been smoking regularly for the last two years and realized that i havenât been able to be myself. i feel like my identity before using cannabis was so free and special and unique and i completely lost it, but now that i havenât been using, idk how to return cause iâm so busy and everything is so much :((((
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