After my sister killed herself I continued texting her cell for about a year. I'd send her pictures, memes, and updates on my life. I'd tell her how much I missed her, and how lost I was without her. Oh, and jokes--I sent lots of jokes! (They recycle numbers kinda quickly though, so writing letters may be better if you can't pay their phone bill for long)
Also, ketamine assisted psychotherapy was an absolute godsend in my grieving process. I recommend it to anyone and everyone who has lost a loved one.
Mar 2, 2025
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Play music, if she likes it. I second telling jokes. If possible, invite friends or other family to come say hi and tell stories. Don't be afraid to ask for help, people sometimes have a hard time knowing what to say and genuinely want to do something to feel useful. Something easy to ask for are homecooked meals for you and your sister. Ask the nurses for help and advice. Try your best to take care of yourself, especially when it comes to sleep.
And I second taking your time to feel the grief and leaning into honest and the weirdness. Speaking of weird, listening to Alan Watts lectures helped me, both in becoming more comfortable with death and thinking about how beautiful life is. I can't remember which ones, but maybe something to look up if you feel drawn to it.
I went through this with my dad and can honestly say while it was the hardest thing I've been through, I am ultimately grateful for the experience. I don't think I'll have a greater privilege than taking care of him and being there with him. I won't say it's harder or easier than a sudden death, because it's all pretty brutal. But not everyone gets the chance to be there. Sending lots of good thoughts your way Katrina
May 24, 2024
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i don't know what happened, but i'm sorry. i think you cope by grieving and mourning. that's what i did. i journaled and cried and howled and screamed and rolled on the floor. i did this for an entire year. and it still wasn't enough. so i reached out to them like 4 days ago lol and it gave me the closure i so desperately needed. please please please remember to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and show up for yourself even when it's the hardest thing to do. spend time with loved ones. do the things that you love. rediscover your passions. focus on you. treat yourself like the absolute g you are. remember who you are outside of this. it's so easy to lose yourself in this process of grieving. i believe in you. you can get through this <3
Jan 9, 2025
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Making lists has always been therapeutic for me, so I put together all the things that helped me deal with it so far:
1. Read: Shifting the Silence by Etel Adnan (which she wrote about dying), the epilogue of "Like a Urinal in a Nightclub" by Luo Jr Shin (to think of grief as the recognition of love)
2. Listened: Wasteland Baby! by Hozier (while sorting through documents, nice reminder that we are all doomed, but wrapped in love and set to song)
3. Watched: Asteroid City, A Beautiful Day in The Neighbourhood (bonus points if it can be on a plane, on a tiny screen in an aluminium capsule hurtling through space and time with the low low possibility of dying yourself)
4. Think about how long a sound from the dead takes to be embodied - from a performance by Lawrence Abu Hamdan, on the Nuremburg Trials
5. Unsolicited advice from Instagram writer Krystal Buck, "...there are four things that will change you. Love, music, art and loss. The first three will keep you wild and full of passion. May you allow the last to make you brave."
P.S. crying is good, let it flow.
Aug 19, 2024
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What kind of shows do you like to watch? Are there any common elements that suck you in? Look for stories with those incorporated in them.
I adore reading, but every time I take a longer break from it, it always helps to start again with reading something small, around 250 pages or less. A smart way to build up endurance and check out an author is picking up a collection of short stories. Also, if you're a graphic novel person, those are great books to get you started (Junji Ito for horror manga is awesome)!
Here are 5 short reads I loved:
1. And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer, Fredrik Backman (97 pages--ONLY if you want to sob)
2. Stories of Your Life and Others, Ted Chiang (281 pages--short SciFi stories)
3. Cat's Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut (179 pages--someone else suggested Kurt Vonnegut, and I can't agree enough)
4. Invisible Cities, Italo Calvino (165 pages--my favorite book ever; the imagery is breathtaking)
5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams (216 pages--just fucking fun)
Feb 7, 2024
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There are some bitchin' chicken soup with rice, beef stew, and Irish lamb stew recipes I've personalized over the years. Let me know if these count, and I'll share the details.
When my sister got an immersion blender, she became the soup queen. If you'd like some of her tips/tricks and recipes for future reference, I can grab those too.
Feb 7, 2024
Found it in the wild while trying to get help on a grad project.
Feb 7, 2024