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Ahhh shit. Ahhhh shiiiiittt see the being naïve was all good when it was just sort of general and I didn’t have anything specific in mind, just blind faith, posting my little mouse in the suit. All full of joy and shit. But you know what I’m posting my misery too in case anyone is praying on my downfall out there that’s how much I believe in karma and something larger than myself now, if I’m in the pits someone should get joy out of it. Ahhh shiiit whatever this cosmic power running things is, I hope she likes weird art bc that’s my offerings. What if she’s into basquiat rip offs and drama less photorealism and I’ve been shit talking that too. Or globalist blobby corporate design. Ahhh shit man who gets certified to teach English abroad off of 1 Reddit post of research I blew a bag and have been doing grammar for 3 months for nothing ahhh shit

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LOL this is a relatable sentiment I feel you and I are kindred spirits
3d ago
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@TATERHOLE you get me 🤞🤞🤞🤞 only a minor setback I shall march on taterhole
3d ago
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@HHTTHHTTHHTTHT you’ve got this 💪 all we can do is soldier on
3d ago
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indeed
3d ago
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@FFH if you’re agreeing with me 🤝🤝🤞🤞 if you’re suggesting the website I sent out like 20 applications in the middle of the night im way ahead of ya
3d ago

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I’m not going to call this gifted kid burnout which I think is often just a symptom of the popping of the bubble of people’s confused delusions of grandeur because they didn’t realize that gifted education programs are at best a way of giving specialized and individualized education, and at worst a way of achieving legal segregation in schools. Not to brag, but my therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for treating people with trauma told me that I had the most difficult childhood of anyone she had ever treated. It was also filled with beauty and I was encouraged in my many skills and pursuits early on, but the inner rot of compounded repeated traumas, keeping secrets, and hiding my suffering eventually took hold. I was always a good student but as things at home intensified I cared less and less. A teacher noticed this and tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. This made matters more complicated for me because still to this day he’s my favorite teacher that I ever had; he taught me much of what I know about writing and helped me to develop my skills. After that, I spent my time in school just coasting along, putting in the minimal amount of effort to no fail. I had no goals or ambition. After graduation, I flitted from service job to service job. I started seeing my therapist and thinking about what I actually wanted to do. I realized I had one exceptional skill which could be monetized to my advantage and I threw myself into it, grinding to make a living and improve my station in life. This worked and I live in decent material comfort, but I’ve realized the lifestyle I always thought I wanted isn’t what I want at all, so I’m reevaluating that and beginning to explore what that looks like. There are several different exciting paths of progression my career could take, but I’m also finally working on creative projects for the first time in about a decade, so I’m going to see where life takes me. My best friend tells me I should become certified as a yoga teacher, and going back to school to study psychology and become a therapist would also be tight. I would love to seek a second career. It took me a long time to get here but I’m trying to actualize and find purpose… Something something Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
May 26, 2024
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i forgot my headphones at home. i was about to either 1) pump black country new road 2) watch brooklyn 99. i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts. i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next it’s been people it’s been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, i’m not a girl of her commitments- i get bored. and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and there’s been plenty) i don’t know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but i’m not super used to being bad at things. i’ve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when you’ve put in the work to be good at it. if it wasn’t me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.
Feb 18, 2025
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I’m a 30 year old UX designer from the northeast. I have a husband and daughter, and I’ve finally reached the part of life where if I died doing something stupid, people would say, ‘She died too soon’ but also, ‘Should have known better’. I like art and making things without the pressure to complete them or have them be meaningful. The older I get, the more I want to keep my interests and accomplishments to myself because I have a secret fear of judgement and rejection. (Just kidding it’s not a secret!) I’ve been a tarot reader for five years, and I believe in ghosts mostly when it’s incredibly inconvenient for myself. I have the same big three as Megan Fox and Queen Elizabeth II - I’m thinking of starting a group chat! I’m trying to learn to let go of things that I can’t control, bus also acknowledge that it’s fucking hard. I may be borderline depressed, but hey, at least I have a patent pending and vaguely remember how to quilt and blow glass. I used to be a ferret queen, and a yoga girlie, and a bouldering babe, but now I’m firmly a couch rot mom. One day I’ll crawl out of my chrysalis and emerge ready to give a ted talk on how the divine fabric of reality is woven into the tapestry of all our lives, but today is not that day.
Feb 28, 2025

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Ok stay with me here. Too much public filming. This is going to discourage good weird public activity. We need people being weird in public. Odd dancing, carrying around insane items, freaked out fits, etc. Instead of a quick vid to show your friends, or, god forbid, *get internet clout*, people should be sketching the scene and describing it in colorful language. Now you have to take accountability for your opinion on the matter, your draftsmanship and writing gets better, and the public freaks have plausible deniability in the job interview. This goes for drunk man on the street tik tok videos as well. Put on a newsboy cap and start jotting. There should be exceptions like intentional performances or heinous crimes of course. I’m open to other exceptions I just can’t think of any rn. This will never be a reality but i can try
Feb 25, 2025
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Thought of this watching a PBS cooking show centered around local farmer and fisherman. Awkward pauses. Darting eyes. Canned jokes. I like this, it is human. I wonder if our arms race of conversation/persona monetizing is not good for us. Sub-rec: how to with John Wilson
Mar 7, 2025