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We have cared for our siblings and family, but when does the line in the sand begin to blur? I have grown into my 32 year old self quite well (with some scrapes, bruises and the occasional tantrum along the way) and as I form relationships I seem to hear the same phrase over and over,
"oh, you're so maternal!"
"you give off this motherly energy i feel so safe"
it that pisses me off every time
I know I am kind and patient and a good listener but that doesn't feel sexy, exciting, or mysterious; because I am those things as well.
I find it to be a curse I canāt seem to break no matter the amount of tattoos, piercings and hair color changes I get. It's something in me I appreciate and something I canāt help but question if I would have developed naturally had I not had this role assigned at birth.Ā
The eldest daughters in a lot of POC households tend to end up in the role of mother and it comes so ānaturallyā but how do we honor it and in that same breath not let it define us?
Do I want to be a mother because of the responsibilities put upon me indoctrinated me into thinking I would be good at it (I absolutely would) ? Or can I live my days as a spinster, knowing that I would make an excellent mother, and that knowledge would be enough.
5d ago
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tension between wanting a daughter and knowing what being a woman in this world feels like
Oct 18, 2024
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i really also think about how much boys are taught ways to perform masculinity & how it is legitimised through tangible things like building a career etc but with women i find that from a young age our identity, behaviours, & thoughts are always spoken about in relation to other people/things ā gender roles within the family, how weāre perceived by men, our friendships with other women, our relationships with material things etc etc ā and this shows up in the labels that women are often given too! so and so is someoneās daughter, girlfriend, wife, mother etc etc. i envy the freedom of boyhood so much, the freedom to just be (this is not to discount the toxicity of traditional masculinity, i just think that boys are still afforded more āplayā and therefore have more opportunities to develop their sense of self).
maybe i am also biased because of how iāve grown up & whatnot but i never really understood what it meant to quote unquote be a woman or perform femininity. i only saw this modelled within my nurturing friendships with women as iāve gotten older but when i was younger, in church it was always āok well donāt do this or that because x y z will happen to men if you doā or within my extended family it was often āare you seeing anyone? when are you having kidsā. damn what happened to asking about how iām doing or what my dreams are!!!
long rant sorry !! but thatās my long winded way of saying āi feel youā haha
Jun 28, 2024
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and I feel lucky about that; it made me who I am today!
But as an adult woman I can definitely relate and I imagine what it would be like to feel that sense of freedom from being perceived as a woman and the societal expectations that come with that. Sylvia Plath said it best in her journals:
āYes, my consuming desire is to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, barroom regularsāto be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recordingāall this is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always supposedly in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yes, God, I want to talk to everybody as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night...ā
I do think though that itās fruitless to fixate on these things, imagining the grass to be greener on the other side and essentially wishing you could have grown up and lived as another person, because 1 itās not possible 2 the life you imagine has so many downsides to it too that you canāt even imagine not having experienced itself and 3 if you were a different person then the You you are now wouldnāt exist, and that would be a shame! I also think men are having a tough time now and many of them are probably just as neurotic, inhibited, and fearful as women.
Obviously people are free to reject these notions and live life as whoever they want, and I respect and appreciate those who choose to do this, but Iām not interested in doing that for myself. Instead, I challenge the boundaries of what it means to be a woman in the ways that I can, which feels like the right choice for me!
Jun 28, 2024
Top Recs from @2youngtorock
ā“ļø
āļøImpromptu dinner dates with friends
āļøWearing clothes that show different areas of your body because after all, itās just a body. Why dont your arms or the skin on your back deserve to feel the summer breeze?
āļørevisiting records you forgot about and making them your theme songs for a week straight (for me right now itās Good Luck by Bladee)
āļø telling people no but opportunities yes
āļø strutting -walk bitch-
āļø loving and not worrying about whether people will understand it. Love is seeping from your pores donāt worry about where itās going. Let it glisten like dew
Jun 28, 2024
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Iām at 3% and Iām trying to see if I have enough juice to post this and maybe a quick scroll on twitter before it gives out. what do you do when your phone dies?
Personally I like to give a big sigh of relief, leave it uncharged And just look around wherever Iām at. I obviously donāt have anything else to do
Might as well clean my restroom
Or sort through the mail thatās been sitting next to the Garfield piggy bank -Ty crumbmode for it- that Iāve been meaning to empty
idk apparently anything is possible once my phone dies
1% !!!!!!!
Jun 28, 2024
šµ
And the next time you link up with them theyāre playing it?
Great feeling I think
Amazing feeling actually
Jul 8, 2024