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I’ve been single for a year and a half now and have recently had a massive breakthrough with it all. I spent a while deeply brainwashed by the horrific dating advice on Tik Tok which stipulates things like “if the first date isn’t a dinner date then he basically views you as a saloon whore” or “unless you drop into your soft feminine energy, you deserve an entire life alone, you toothless witch.” I don’t want to do either of those things. What the fuck is soft feminine energy? I want to focus on work and make videos that make people laugh and write and spend time with friends and eat and drink wine (see above) without being haunted by the viral refrain “If he wanted to, he would.” Who cares? I like meeting guys out and about! Maybe grabbing drinks. Having crushes. Flirting. Enjoying them. But I will never again sit through a Tik Tok titled “subtle ways to make him addicted to you” or “how to become a high value woman who is a prize to be won.” ENOUGH.
Sep 1, 2023
Related Recs
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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I am just learning this lesson as a deeply anxious person when it comes to dating/crushing! We’re told on social media so many things about being pursued and black cat energy and how to get men to chase etc. (Which a lot of these ideas are true and beneficial to keeping healthy detachment).
But, I’ve seen none of these methods work for me and actually have caused me a lot of wasted anxiety. Obviously don’t be too clingy or overwhelm communication. But there’s genuinely nothing wrong with showing interest by maintaining communication with someone you’re into. Here’s an example:
I met this guy that I like..alot. When we’re in person it’s ELECTRIC, but our texts are consistent/not as electric. I decided to go a week not texting to “test his interest”. Hated how I felt doing it. Last night I just said, “Hey :) you doing okay?” to which he responded “Holaaaaaa”.
I instantly felt like an idiot because that text felt quite dry to me. So I went on Tiktok for advice and naturally every video said “If his text is dry pull back and ghost him because he’s not interested.”
But that didn’t feel right for me, and discouraged me a lot. especially based on our past communication, I just didn’t feel he was pulling back. So I decided to just try my own approach. I said, “I’d like to chat with you. You around this weekend?”
He INSTANTLY facetimed me and we had a wonderful hour long catch up where we both realized texting sucks and it’s so much nicer to chat on the phone. (We live in different countries atm)
My point here is, if I would’ve listened to all of this advice, I would’ve pushed away someone I really enjoy based on what society considers the right way to date.
DO YOU & BE YOU. You can’t say or do the wrong thing to the right person :)
Nov 29, 2024
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I'm 25 and have never been in a serious relationship. In fact, the only time that I haven't been single was for two-ish months when I was 15. I'll go on a dates and hangout with someone for a month or so every 2-3 years but nothing ever comes out of. That's either bc they don't want anything serious or we just don't vibe together. To put the final nail in my coffin, I don't take dating apps seriously enough to find anything worth it on there too.
It can be lonely, and I find myself occasionally doubting my worth to the world around me... But then I talk to people who are in relationships and hear the shit they have to deal with, and it's like an instant cure to all loneliness and self doubt LOL.
I also just enjoy my time alone to be honest. I also lovvve love love having the whole bed to myself and my cat (he takes up enough room as is bc he loves to lay horizontally haha). I, along with everyone else who has ever existed, have problems that I want to work out in my life before I go out and actively search for a partner.
When I need company, I have my friends to pour my love onto! I spend a lot of time with them doing things that are fulfilling such as community work, learning crafts, watching movies and discussing them.
I will always save space in my heart to finding someone I love romantically, but for now I am focusing on having fun, building a good friend group, taking care of my mind/body/soul. I've accepted that the romance will come when I am ready for it.
Feb 27, 2025
Top Recs from @delaney-rowe
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There is no higher high than spontaneously deciding to take a pair of dirty kitchen shears to a finger sectioned chunk of hair that you’re hastily holding between your eyes and just blindly cutting off an inch while your Uber driver waits for you outside. My motto is “how bad could it look?” Let go, let god. I’m so impatient when it comes to my appearance. You think I’m waiting for a professional to cut this hair when I literally need it cut right this moment or else I’ll die? No. Paying for a haircut might be a scam I’ve decided.
Sep 1, 2023
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So I’ve been debating which is more annoying: including this pretentious literary magazine which I authentically love OR excluding it and going with a more “relatable” choice. Performative relatability is my favorite thing to make fun of in my videos so I opted for the former! I’ve loved it since reading this piece (The Unravlers) by the amazing Stephanie Danler. It’s impossible to love the Paris Review without getting shit on for it though. My friend Rebecca saw it peeking out of my purse when we were getting drinks recently and accused me of planting it. My other friend, Michael, accused me of only liking it because it contains the word “Paris” which aids in my quest to appear chic and not from Idaho (which I am). And I said, “Michael, that’s absolutely ridiculous and also correct.”
Sep 1, 2023
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I am a devout lover and regular hostess of dinner parties. I recently invested in a massive dinner table that fits twelve people. As I inch towards my thirties I am becoming obsessed with table linens. How many readers did I just lose? I’m a huge fan of Laura Jackson (designer, professional hostess) who describes the love of tablescaping so perfectly in this vibey little video. For my last dinner party I actually went to the fabric district in downtown LA and picked out my own linens and MADE a runner, placements and napkins. It was extremely expensive and time consuming and dare I say not worth it. But, hey, now I have my very own, one-of-a-kind, humble little linens. These details are just for me and I acknowledge no one else gives a shit.
Sep 1, 2023