I'm 25 and have never been in a serious relationship. In fact, the only time that I haven't been single was for two-ish months when I was 15. I'll go on a dates and hangout with someone for a month or so every 2-3 years but nothing ever comes out of. That's either bc they don't want anything serious or we just don't vibe together. To put the final nail in my coffin, I don't take dating apps seriously enough to find anything worth it on there too.
It can be lonely, and I find myself occasionally doubting my worth to the world around me... But then I talk to people who are in relationships and hear the shit they have to deal with, and it's like an instant cure to all loneliness and self doubt LOL.
I also just enjoy my time alone to be honest. I also lovvve love love having the whole bed to myself and my cat (he takes up enough room as is bc he loves to lay horizontally haha). I, along with everyone else who has ever existed, have problems that I want to work out in my life before I go out and actively search for a partner.
When I need company, I have my friends to pour my love onto! I spend a lot of time with them doing things that are fulfilling such as community work, learning crafts, watching movies and discussing them.
I will always save space in my heart to finding someone I love romantically, but for now I am focusing on having fun, building a good friend group, taking care of my mind/body/soul. I've accepted that the romance will come when I am ready for it.
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i’ve never been in a long term relationship or i was always looking for “one” and i think by doing that, i never really got to appreciate the meaning of single life. i don’t need someone to take me out, i can do that. movie dates, coffee dates, spontaneous activities -- all of these things, i always thought you needed a partner to enjoy. that’s not true at all. the more i do these things, the more fun im actually having being single. and the more i learn about myself, which is the best part :)
Mar 2, 2025
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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i don’t know you so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply to you. i’ve also never had a long-term romantic relationship so maybe i’m not the best person to listen to anyway. BUT i do have a beautiful community of long-lasting friendships which i believe has given me the skills to be successful in a future romantic partnership
i guess my point is it might be helpful to focus on developing friendships and community first. who knows, a date might come out of it too! but i’ve gone on dates with people who don’t have many friends before and it’s turned out to be a red flag cuz they haven't had experience with relationships in general
also, i've noticed the times i've most wanted to be in a relationship are times when i haven’t connected with my friends in awhile. desire for romance can be a signal for general human connection sometimes. so having a good community might fulfill some of the needs you’re feeling too. but i know it’s a different thing than being head over heels for someone… all depends on what we’re looking for i guess
all the advice on this thread is great for both dating and making friends though! i hope you find lots of meaningful connections of all kinds in the process ✨
Mar 16, 2024
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It’s incredible how many people genuinely think they are boring. There have been so many times I’ve spoken with people and they confess that they think that they haven’t done much with their life, or that they don’t have much interesting to talk about, but it’s almost never the case.
From what I can tell, it’s often caused by a lack of knowing thyself. Or maybe a low self esteem? I’ve been through it too, and it is so so not true for anyone.
You’ve done so much living. Why do you feel like your story is not worth telling? I know you’ve gone through some crazy shit once or twice. if you really haven’t, what’s stopping you from getting out there and creating stories to talk about? Start small! go to a coffee shop once a week. See if they have any clubs to join, and try that out! you’ll be making memories in NO TIME.
If you have trouble finding meaningful/fun conversation, just remember that the effort must flow both ways. You are merely just working with what the other person is providing you, and if they aren’t giving you anything to work with, it’s not your fault. You aren’t boring, you are just around people who dont vibe with you. And that’s okay! Not every person is going to be your specific kind of person. Plus, if you aren’t having fun talking to them, why does it matter if they like you? the much cooler people who value your input are just around the corner. I promise.
One day you’ll be able to shine your beautiful personality on someone who is equally as bright you are, you magnificent comet, you.
Feb 13, 2025
Nostalgia is so powerful. And so painful.
I’ve made Pinterest boards filled with hundreds of memories and toys and things that shaped my childhood. I’ve made playlists that include only songs that make me feel 6 years old again. I’ve watched movies that bring me the same wonder they did as when I watched them as a child.
But nothing will ever truly bring me back there. It’s gone forever. to know that I will never walk the halls of my elementary school building, or try and plant an apple seed in between the slides of the playground, or play tag with my best buddies ever again is something unbearable. life is so short. I miss it all of the time.
Adulthood has its perks as well. I never have to ask to go sleep over at a friends house and get told no. I can eat what i want. I can get a kitten if I feel like it. But I miss the simplicity and happiness of being a child. I miss just existing and being okay with that. i miss how I felt when I was 6, but I have to accept that I must leave that behind.
Maybe reincarnation is real. Maybe I will live through something like this life again?
There is an ache knowing I will never walk the same tiny footsteps as I once did. But alas, I’ll be 19 years from where I’m at now and miss this age just as much as I do then. The ache will take a new shape. And i will continue living on.
Feb 12, 2025
My favorite thing in getting to know new people is finding out the things they enjoy that seem a bit out of character. I think it’s comforting and a bit sexy when not everything that they like has to be “cool” for them to really enjoy it. Being self-assured and knowing your worth is hot.
After all, life is too short to try and shape yourself around a mould that doesn’t truly resonate with you. Just enjoy the things that bring you joy without caring if they are basic or lame to others. you can enjoy the band that everyone hates, enjoy the movies that people think are overrated, and wear the shirt that went out of style 5 years ago.
true authenticity is a rare trait, always has been. It’s like striking gold when you find that inner peace to just be yourself, regardless of how cringy others find it. Find the peace to like what you like without shame.
Feb 20, 2025