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God this is A terrible story

I was very unapproachable and emitted a foul hostile energy that repelled any boys with good sense in high school who may have otherwise been attracted to me. But there was one boy, S., who really liked me (my mother told me recently: ‘I could tell that boy had no self-respect for dating you‘ LOL and she’s so right). I loathed him and found him to be so profoundly irritating and utterly lacking in refinement or taste but he tried his best to win me over by constantly assaulting me with his boisterous and animated presence. Unfortunately, I was on the court for my cousin’s quinceanera and needed a date, so I finally bit, having no other options and needing to RSVP several months in advance of the date of the event with the name of my ‘escort.’ We started dating before then because why not. My friends threw a surprise birthday party for me at my neighborhood park and after singing happy birthday to me, they all started chanting at me in unison to kiss S., so we went behind a tree for privacy and complied. All I really remember is that his mouth tasted like a burger exactly like the Wet Hot American Summer quote. This lanky string bean of a young man legitimately only ate pizza and hamburgers and only drank Dr. Pepper (I recently heard that he had come down with gout and I can see why). He had a giant collection of dirty Converse shoes, which he kept in a pile and wore to the exclusion of all other footwear, and he called them Chucks. He would write me love letters and I would correct the grammar and syntax in red pen and return them to him. He would talk about the children we were going to have someday and tell me that the song “Maybe I'm Amazed” by Paul McCartney made him think of me; I would tell him that I don’t think teenagers can experience real love. I convinced him to grow a beard to hide his off-putting pointy chin that made him look exactly like the tragedy and comedy masks ‘because it just looks so much better’ which he has not shaved since. 🎭 He ended up having an emotional affair with a pizza delivery girl from Oregon who was probably a catfish on the forums for the television show Psych (which he was obsessed with), which hurt my ego more than anything. After the breakup I burned all of the drawings and handmade gifts he had given me in a barbecue grill. I hope he’s found a sweet simpleton who treats him well and gives him what he needs. That’s the story of my evil past and the boy who gave me my first kiss.

@taterhole

Oct 16, 2024

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Simply wore a white button down and jeans

I should preface this with saying that when I first met him I thought he was hot, but I was dating his roommate so it was off the table. And I did not really think of him in any way other than a friend for a long time Until one day we were sitting in a circle with friends, he was across from me, wearing a white button down tucked into some jeans, chatting with our friend, and I found myself thinking I needed to go be on his lap. Then sort of freaked out internally, and thus began months of moments like this coming up and me squashing them down until eventually I couldn’t ignore the fact that I liked him and now we are married.

@mossyelfie

Jul 14, 2024

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missing a man that isnt mine

so hear this shit out two years ago I came to visit my family in Colombia but decided to stay with my moms childhood bestfriend. Always knew she had a son but we were young when we met and we never talked so i didn’t think much about it. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN THE MOST FINE ASS MAN IN THE WORLD GREETS ME AT THE DOOR. Anyway his mom has him take me to the mall and buy me lunch and also take me out to a club that same weeken. Everything was friend vibes up until I was dancing with him some reggaeton (donde se baila bien pegadito) and dancehall or wtv AND THEN AND THEN he whispers in my ear “te puedo dar la vuelta?” BASICALLY ASKING TO TURN ME AROUND AHHHHH AND LIKE DANCE WITH MY BACK (and ass) ALL UP ON HIM anyway nothing happened that night (even though we were home alone) cause like idk maybe im dense. After i left colombia we were chatting a bit on whatsapp BUT THEN HE LEFT ME ON DELIVERED. Whatever i didn’t think much of it cause who am i to expect someone in a whole other country to continue speaking to me. A whole year goes by and I come back to the city spring of 2024 for a wedding for my moms bestfriend so surprise surprise he was there with his mom who was also bestfriends with the groom and bride. We ended up dancing again (more modestly this time) still thought it was friends vibes cause idk man I WAS CRUSHING HARD THO. After the wedding he comes up to me and asks if i want to go clubbing. I say yes cause like WHY NOT. We get to his place (which i was again staying at cause his mom is my mothers LITERALLY CHILDHOOD BESTIE) i get ready, throw in whatever raggedy clothes i managed to bring on the trip. AND POP OUT. he ends up taking me to a club called DAKITI. We pull up, get drinks (i offer to pay cause like i have an american job and colombian pesos translated to dollars is lowkey cheap n i felt bad n I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FRIEND VIBES) anyway i end up getting lit. I’m honestly not sure if he’s lit too but fuck it. Anyway we ended up dancing and he was fucking BREATHING DOWN MY NECK AND ALL UP IN MY FACE and jesus christ i kept hiding my face cause I was so nervous. I end up giving in and looking up at him (im 5’1 he’s gotta be like 6’0 or 6’1) and BITCH WE KISSED NOT ONLY KISS WE MADE OUT THE WHOLE NIGHT AND DANCING HOT AND HEAVY FR. bueno. We stay at the club dancing and making out until like 5am, we get a car home and he asks the driver if he could sit in the back with me (in colombia ubers are illegal so someone has to sit in the front seat so it looks like it’s a normal car ride) and the driver says no </3 but i end up putting my hand on the center console and si did he so we were holding hands the whole way. I won’t talk about what happened once we got home 👀 pero safe to say we was feeling each other. Once i left his place/colombia to go back home we were back to talking in whatsapp for a couple of months and it was super fun but it honestly came to a stop cause i noticed he was taking a while to answer and idk i felt like maybe he was just not that interested. ALL THIS BACK STORY JUST TO SAY i’m back in colombia. Not only have i stayed at his house BUT AT HIS GRANDMAS HOUSE (again his family loves me and my mom cause they grew up with my mom and also used to take care of me when i was younger) his aunts, cousins, grandma, and MOTHER, love me to death but my friends this isn’t a love story :( WELP, as the test of time would prove, my colombia bae now has a gf <\3 I found out about it last october cause i saw him post her and i IMMEDIATELY unfollowed him. Half cause i didn’t want to see him and other half cause i didn’t want his girl to have ANYTHING to worry about. Spent christmas with him and his family, we only said hi and bye and merry christmas. He’s currently out of town with friends and his gf and i’ve been spending time with his mom at their place. and ALSO hes trying to move to MY HOME TOWN to get his pilots license. so as he’s spending time with his boo thang out of the city me, my mom, and his mother are setting him up with usa pilir connects and what not. ITS SO WEIRD. Anyway, such is life im excited to leave colombia so i can stop existing in his four walls and move on with my life (plot twist: i might be moving to colombia after I graduate in may so i’ll be nearby) Hope yall enjoyed my story time <3

@sukisophi

Jan 8, 2025

Top Recs from @alice-longyu

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Agent Provocateur

My favorite lingerie brand turned into my favorite brand period at this point. I wear their clothes/lingerie for my shows, to go out for lunches with my girlfriends, to shoot for my press photos. I am a loyal customer, I am on their website 4 times per week, I even made a song inspired by how this brand made me feel. I imagined myself being a dom call girl who rides a motorcycle to my appointments at Chateau Marmont, CHIC.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023

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Amazon dildo

I got my first sex toy off Bezos’ Amazon during COVID. My life has changed so much since then. I like it I love it it makes me feel so hot.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023

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STD test @ LGBTQ center:

It’s free and my gays are the best. The world needs to give LGBTQs like me proper money and opportunity. They need to recognize white boys club’s scheme, replace them with me, and blow me up cuz I am actually the best.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023