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For whatever reasons the various psychiatrists that have treated me will give, I was a reclusive child, especially when it came to my emotions. I kept parts of myself hidden from certain people, always a different kid to everyone I met. I kept this up through my adulthood and now I'm realizing how much it's barring me from experiencing my relationships deeply. I protect parts of myself, uncomfortable with their coming out in situations I'd typically hide them in. I am too good at code switching and it gets confusing figuring out when I am being truly myself around friends and family. I am trying to learn where I can crack little holes into the walls I have carved around the many parts of myself; learn to make them all coexist a bit better so I can let myself be loved wholly, not only in parts.
Oct 16, 2024
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Can’t stop saying things like ““ordering an americano and a chocolatine for breakfast”” ““”washing your hands”“” ”””opting to not wear a scarf today because it’s 2 degrees””” to myself
I swear it’s like a CBT technique but better
Feb 1, 2024
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i was actually just having this convo with someone! i find that people who do have a monologue like me find it hard to believe people don’t. i’ve heard you guys think in feelings and connections like a flow chart but like how do you do that without words lol. for me the voice doesn’t belong to anyone! it’s not mine, it’s not gendered, it’s not identified…it’s just a voice. i also find people without an internal monologue seem to think we have a narrator dictating our every action but it a bit more abstract than that.
my brain is never quiet as there’s always a voice processing my emotions, reactions and perceptions at all times. but the processing isn’t complete thoughts with proper punctuation, just a constant barrage of information, working in tandem with images and feelings. its likely why i’m prone to over thinking and snowballing (when i was on SSRIs briefly, it all definitely got more quiet up here).
also, i’ve noticed a lot of people who don’t have a monologue also can’t do the classic “picture the apple” test but is that the case? if you can picture the apple do you think pictorially? i just couldn’t imagine not having my consciousness mutter in the back of my head constantly.
Sep 30, 2024
