As someone who’s moved to 5 different cities as an adult, go out and do things that sounds cool! A few tips that have steadied me in NYC and other moves:
- the friends you know already have their lives in place. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to hang, it just means they shouldn’t be your life line to events and socialization
- if you work a computer job, volunteer! NYC has so many cool volunteer opportunities. HousingWorks Bookstore and Cafe is mostly run by volunteers. You’ll meet people with similar interests and have a shared obligation. Ever felt like it’s hard to make friends outside work/school? Volunteering is a great hack for adults
- have a hobby you can do in public - even if it’s just reading a book. similar to my rec on how to go to bars alone, it’s going to help you feel like you belong in a space rather than waiting for things to come to you
- set a budget. the housing market sucks, you may spend half your pay check on rent. Know what you want to spend that fun money on and those budget lines you’re trying to hold tight
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moved to nashville in august and at this point i’m feeling pretty at home. this is what did it for me:
first off, community is huge. and if you didn’t have a built-in community when you moved (I moved for school so most of my classmates were also new to town) then establishing a new friend group can be difficult. a great way to do this would be trying to find a community based around an interest you have, which has a perk of giving you something in common with potential new friends you’ll meet.
i’d also recommend finding ways to get out of your home and get connected to the city. go on walks, get on the subway to some part of the city you would never have a reason to go to, find some parks, cafes, restaurants, theaters, bars, whatever. follow your instincts if you come across something cool.
i’d also say establishing a routine helps. become a regular at your fav spots in town and chances are good you’ll be able to meet people there or even just get to know the folks that work there. having people in the periphery of your life that are familiar with you makes you feel really engrained in the place you live.
having lived in nyc for a while, it can def feel isolating at times. giving yourself reasons to get out and about and experience the city goes a long way to getting out of the tourist phase.
Mar 30, 2024
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I came out of the pandemic period with my life totally destabilized in pretty much every way it could have been and I found myself back in my hometown needing some direction or purpose to either make it work or move somewhere else. I got a music degree for undergrad so I was interested in the music business and I decided to apply for my MBA, Belmont in Nashville was the first to get back to me and with a full ride scholarship so the decision to move was pretty easy. Since moving it hasn't always been smooth sailing, and most of my hardship in moving stems from the degree to which I'm isolated from others.
I think the worst thing anyone can do when moving is be alone. Obviously figure out your housing/work situation first, but then the next step is actually quite urgent: FIND COMMUNITY. Moving across the country in your 20s is something people often do alone, and if you're moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, chances are you might live alone or with roommates. But to feel truly integrated into any place you NEED multiple social support structures. You can't rely on your roommate/romantic partner to be everything for you in life if those are your closest relationships.
Find people who do the things you enjoy having in life and show up to their stuff, keep showing up, meet people, do things with those people outside of where you met them, build that web of connections and support. Community can be based around hobbies, political ideologies, spirituality, special interests, creative expression, physical activity, honestly it's probably best to have a community for as many of these as possible if you can. In this capitalist hellworld it's so easy to be atomized and find yourself isolated by the very routines and habits that are required to achieve baseline survival, so it's crucial to act in opposition to these forces whenever possible. Do the things you care about with the people who you will come to care about and then you will have built a home for yourself no matter where you live.
Feb 9, 2025
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It gets harder to meet new people as you get older, especially if you aren’t in a super social work environment. The dating apps can sometimes hit but the amount of effort it takes can be exhausting, so I’d say have it as just one part of a collection of things you’re doing to make connections.
Finding a community of people who are also into the same creative endeavor has always gotten consistent results for me. I saw you’re into making zines, so participating in a zine fair could be fun. You could also check out the 8-Ball Community which has a publishing initiative — I think they‘re pretty welcoming if you’re looking to volunteer / get involved.
But yeah, showing up semi-regularly to the same places and becoming familiar is a key. I moved to Portland Oregon for a year back in 2009 and didn’t know a single person which was super hard. I ended up just hanging out at this parking lot with a bunch of food trucks and got to talking with some of the other kids that hung out and worked there. Eventually I got invited out to some of their parties and by the end of the year was part of their crew. Took a while tho!
Also, it tends to start with just one friend. And if that person accepts you, then everyone else they’re friends with will too. And then you can hang with the other people and keep branching out. It’s a practice, one that develops over a lifetime.
Mar 18, 2024
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Feb 22, 2024
I work on a college campus where we have this statue of a rat with giant balls and it has become a regular phenomenon for students/people to offer their vapes to the ball rat. It is both so silly and so beautiful to me.
Jan 15, 2025
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sometimes they don’t mind!
Mar 5, 2024