I came out of the pandemic period with my life totally destabilized in pretty much every way it could have been and I found myself back in my hometown needing some direction or purpose to either make it work or move somewhere else. I got a music degree for undergrad so I was interested in the music business and I decided to apply for my MBA, Belmont in Nashville was the first to get back to me and with a full ride scholarship so the decision to move was pretty easy. Since moving it hasn't always been smooth sailing, and most of my hardship in moving stems from the degree to which I'm isolated from others.
I think the worst thing anyone can do when moving is be alone. Obviously figure out your housing/work situation first, but then the next step is actually quite urgent: FIND COMMUNITY. Moving across the country in your 20s is something people often do alone, and if you're moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, chances are you might live alone or with roommates. But to feel truly integrated into any place you NEED multiple social support structures. You can't rely on your roommate/romantic partner to be everything for you in life if those are your closest relationships.
Find people who do the things you enjoy having in life and show up to their stuff, keep showing up, meet people, do things with those people outside of where you met them, build that web of connections and support. Community can be based around hobbies, political ideologies, spirituality, special interests, creative expression, physical activity, honestly it's probably best to have a community for as many of these as possible if you can. In this capitalist hellworld it's so easy to be atomized and find yourself isolated by the very routines and habits that are required to achieve baseline survival, so it's crucial to act in opposition to these forces whenever possible. Do the things you care about with the people who you will come to care about and then you will have built a home for yourself no matter where you live.
Feb 9, 2025
Comments (2)
Make an account to reply.
my problem is that the finding community part is in many respects already done - there are several cities across the northeast and midwest that - if i were to actually get my ass in the door - i would know exactly what old friends to contact, what events to attend, what groups to join, etc.
the main obstacle for me is just that first step - so many of the opportunities up there, professional or otherwise, are (understandably) geared towards people already living there. i've heard that - especially in nyc - many companies and organizations toss my shit out the moment they learn i'd have to relocate, because they're (again, understandably) concerned that i'll scramble to get there and find out that i'm not cut out for it.
the friends i have up there send me what opportunities they find, but the vast majority of them are also in a condition of financial insecurity, and none of them are nearly established enough in their careers to be able to pull any levers on my behalf - even though many of them probably would if they had the ability.
five years ago, i probably would have had exactly the problem you describe - i'd be able to get the job(s) and the housing (the tech job market was very different back then), but i wouldn't have had the wisdom or confidence to build a real social community around me. now, i have totally the opposite problem - i know exactly how i'd stitch the social fabric together, but no fucking clue how i'd feed or house myself.
dotmatrices the only advice i could give in this case is to look for companies that are in a stage of growth. i've seen that these companies are more willing to hire folks who have to move just because they have to fill roles quickly. even if it's just as a first role to get a foot in the door, it could be that reason to relocate and then find some other position once you're settled.
Related Recs
🏙
moved to nashville in august and at this point i’m feeling pretty at home. this is what did it for me:
first off, community is huge. and if you didn’t have a built-in community when you moved (I moved for school so most of my classmates were also new to town) then establishing a new friend group can be difficult. a great way to do this would be trying to find a community based around an interest you have, which has a perk of giving you something in common with potential new friends you’ll meet.
i’d also recommend finding ways to get out of your home and get connected to the city. go on walks, get on the subway to some part of the city you would never have a reason to go to, find some parks, cafes, restaurants, theaters, bars, whatever. follow your instincts if you come across something cool.
i’d also say establishing a routine helps. become a regular at your fav spots in town and chances are good you’ll be able to meet people there or even just get to know the folks that work there. having people in the periphery of your life that are familiar with you makes you feel really engrained in the place you live.
having lived in nyc for a while, it can def feel isolating at times. giving yourself reasons to get out and about and experience the city goes a long way to getting out of the tourist phase.
Mar 30, 2024
🍎
As someone who’s moved to 5 different cities as an adult, go out and do things that sounds cool! A few tips that have steadied me in NYC and other moves:
- the friends you know already have their lives in place. It doesn’t mean they don’t want to hang, it just means they shouldn’t be your life line to events and socialization
- if you work a computer job, volunteer! NYC has so many cool volunteer opportunities. HousingWorks Bookstore and Cafe is mostly run by volunteers. You’ll meet people with similar interests and have a shared obligation. Ever felt like it’s hard to make friends outside work/school? Volunteering is a great hack for adults
- have a hobby you can do in public - even if it’s just reading a book. similar to my rec on how to go to bars alone, it’s going to help you feel like you belong in a space rather than waiting for things to come to you
- set a budget. the housing market sucks, you may spend half your pay check on rent. Know what you want to spend that fun money on and those budget lines you’re trying to hold tight
Feb 21, 2024
👨
(cannot speak to the culture shock / heartache for an international homesickness, but) when i moved to seattle from nj / nyc metro the stark constrast between east coast / west coast also really got me down – what worked for me was finding other transplants in seattle and commiserating, finding restaurants that served cuisine that reminded me of home and befriending the staff, and going to nightlife events that played jersey club, or booked djs i knew had their ear to the streets and were playing artists like cash cobain, chow lee, etc. that were coming up in new york as i was missing them by being away from home
if those spaces don't exist, putting in the effort to start them and do outreach to find other people who feel similarly to you is going to be so valuable! if you can find just one other person in your situation and foster community with them by immersing yourselves in the culture you miss whether through potlucks or listening parties, eventually two will become three will become four will become more
(since you mention you're from / missing brazil specifically – i'm still here is doing a ton of "for your consideration" screenings rn, and baile funk is having a moment in the general zeitgeist at global sound events at least where i'm at so i'd imagine elsewhere as well potentially... i think it's hard if you're in the midwest or suburbia where those kinds of events are less available but if there's something out there i'd check for those things specifically to find people who, if not in the exact same situation will have an appreciation for the culture you're missing and can fill some gaps, if not the whole thing)
Feb 11, 2025
Top Recs from @royallmonarch
📴
I consume a lot of music regularly, and a huge part of keeping a fresh diet of new listens going is having enough sources of recommendations that aren’t an algorithm that either 1) reinforces your existing listening patterns, keeping you stagnant in your tastes, or 2) platforms whoever paid enough to push their product to the top, serving you something that may not inherently be of inferior quality, but may not align with your tastes, may not be exciting beyond just being a new release, and realigns your current listening habits to be more in line with what the average user on the platform is also listening to — which socially might have benefits but which creates a homogeneity of consumption that can become bland since you’re listening to something really just because it’s the next product on the assembly line to have its public moment and not because anything about the music actually captured your attention. the current landscape of streaming is designed to keep you at an all you can eat buffet where you take what’s served to you, and as a result a lot of us have forgotten how to look at a menu and order.
so what does taking a more active role in your own music curation look like? for me, it’s meant not using streaming as a primary listening platform. I mostly use my local Apple Music library on my phone that I curate with the vestigial iTunes Library framework that’s still a part of Apple Music on my laptop. probably going to find an alternative soon since apple seems to be cutting integration progressively. I like this method because it forces me to choose what to sync to the limited storage space I have, forcing me to take inventory of what I actually listen to and what I can offload. the files I get are mostly from Bandcamp or Soulseek depending on whether it’s available for purchase or entirely unavailable online (as is the case for a lot of electronic music that was on vinyl only, which is where soulseek comes in clutch). I also have freedom here to change the ID3 tags to better sort and organize, rate, change track info, and track my own listening data.
Bandcamp and other music purchasing platforms are great because 1) it reshapes my relationship to music away from consumerism and back towards curation. I have to pay actual money for this thing now if I want to use it, so i’m forced to consider its value (usually i’ll stream a release first to gauge my interest). 2) having to spend money helps me to course out my meals so to speak, as i’ll buy a few releases i’ve accumulated in my cart over the month and cash out on Bandcamp Friday when 100% of my money is actually getting to the artist (TOMORROW IS BANDCAMP FRIDAY BTW!!!), and between purchases I can actually chew and savor and digest my last orders, they don’t get swept up in the deluge of new releases. my plate is full until i’m done and then I order more. also for the times of the year like now when new music isn’t coming out as regularly I take time to find older music that I would normally overlook while keeping up with new drops. currently very into early 80s/late 70s music with early digital production, kinda stuff that would evolve into synthpop and dance music.
so how do you know what to order? for me, I’m getting recs through trusted curation platforms. whether it’s bandcamp daily, y’all lovely folks here on PI.FYI, friends, or most importantly musicians who I follow on socials that share their tastes through posts, stories, playlists on steaming, interviews, etc. I like this last one especially because it’s kind of like a musical game of telephone. if I like an artist and they share their interests and influences it’s like every layer in this process is stretching my palate further from the sound that I was originally interested in and into a new territory that has some shared DNA but would never have been recommended to me by an algo because there’s no shared category or label between them, only the musical influence and interpretation of it made by the artist. as an example, I was a huge Skrillex stan, he signed KOAN Sound to his label, they collab with Asa who collabs with Sorrow, Sorrow takes huge influence from Burial, Burial makes some ambient adjacent stuff and takes huge influence from 90s rave music and drum and bass and 2000s rnb, now i’m listening to Brandy - All in Me, William Basinski, Aphex Twin, none on whom would get recommended by Spotify to me from Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites.
LAST thing i’ll say — because in yappin about this i’m realizing how actually passionate about this subject I am: MAKE LISTS! playlists are cool, but they can flatten your music into vague categories of “vibes” and “aesthetics” and encourage picking one-off songs from artists that you never form an active audience relationship with. I make a practice of making my own year end lists of top 25 albums (plus some honorable recs and top individual songs) and keeping them in a notes doc that I regularly update and rearrange over the course of the year. this forces me to consider the actual relationship i’m forming with what i’ve ordered for myself. did I like it in the moment but it didn’t have staying power? is it slowly growing on me? it also encourages taking albums as a whole. maybe I liked one or two tracks a lot but the rest wasn't resonating. that’s ok! maybe I rank it lower but now i’ve actually taken time to consider it, it’s in my library, and maybe (quite a few cases for me) something I ranked like bottom 5 albums becomes a retroactive favorite from that year as my tastes evolve. also 25 albums to take with me from each year is really more than you'd think, i struggle sometimes to even find 25 that I formed a true connection with. I think the biggest thing the itunes era ruined that led into now is the single-ification of music, the ability to separate the hits from the deep cuts. albums are meant to be taken as a whole, and then once you've really sat with the whole you can find what actually stuck. even then I like to keep the whole around because soooo often i’ll write off a track that yeeeears later I come to love. trust the artist, they made it like they did for a reason.
aaannyyyywayy TLDR: get recs organically, be more active in deciding your listening patterns, fr*cken pay artists yall, trust the artist embrace the album, really consider what you consume
Feb 29, 2024
🤝
i’m not gonna go into the state of politics in this country, frankly I enjoy that this site has been a politics free space for the most part. with that being said, resigning to despair and the feeling of powerlessness serves only the status quo. inaction is not the solution, nor is waiting for the government to be what you want it to be. politics over: here’s the rec
be the change you want to see
as much of a cliche as this saying is, i’ve grown to believe in it with my full being as i’ve gotten older. for the things you have control over, for the practical needs that you can meet within your community, for the little things you can do every day to ease someone’s burden or generally be a pleasant interaction in someone’s life: bring to the world what you feel it lacks.
where you live there are likely already communities that are arising to support each other and call for change. seek those out if that’s a motivating notion for you. participate as much as you are able and as little as you please, every bit counts. being a visible and tangible example of how the agency we all have can create something better will motivate others to find their voice. a lot of people feel like you, but even a few in action is better than multitudes in despair.
community is so key, and the world we live in has created a situation where isolation is the default so that individuals are forced to rely on the market or the state to meet their needs. how much better would it be to have neighbors and friends as a support network, mutually exchanging their time and resources to strengthen the communtiy and invest in relationships that benefit the whole. the moment we all realize that we can do for each other what the world tells us we need to do ourselves, the stronger we will be and the more we can come together and enact real change from the bottom up, rather than being divided in pleading for a top down approach.
this may sound revolutionary because we have become so detached from community that we cannot envision the changes in our model of living that would have to be made, but it’s sooo not that deep, and it feels more like investing in the good in others than sacrificing personal comforts. it can look like:
- shopping at a local business vs a corporate chain, get to know the staff, get to know your fellow patrons
- spending time with friends, there doesn't need to be a reason or occasion. make meals together, drive together to go do something, maybe literally just be in each others presence as you do daily life, share each others sacred presence amidst the mundane
- give things you don’t need to a friend who does, exchange clothes, exchange favors, share knowledge and resources, lend a skill or a craft, donate things if you don’t know someone who can use it, exchange things and experiences without the need for monetary incentive
- create things together, make art together, share and exchange media, try things for the joy of experiencing them without the need to be “good” at it,
- grieve together, worry together, talk out negative feelings, commiserate, support, encourage, motivate, share your accomplishments, celebrate together
- get to know your neighbors, why is everyone in isolation while in such proximity?
- get off that damn phone if it makes you feel bad, you wont miss out, the world happens outside of it, unlearn FOMO
- enjoy nature, go on walks, get outside, sweat and run and jump and see the sky
- remind yourself that life is about what happens right now, don’t be concerned with what could be or what was if you are unable to affect it in the present.
- go to a concert at a small venue for an artist you’ve never heard of, bring friends, don’t preclude experience for the perceived necessity of entertainment
- unlearn grindset, but also unlearn bainrot. don’t fester in your down time. rest can be active, activity can be restorative. your time is precious and you will meet your need for purpose and direction by literally choosing to pursue a “meaningless” hobby in even what little time you may have vs scrolling and taking psychic damage.
- learn to enjoy the abundance of freely available joy in this world, we have been tricked to believe that money is the sole provider of a happy life
idk i’m just becoming mindful of what brings me life in this world and so much of it is available to me solely by seeking it out instead of idleness in my free time under the guise of “rest.” so much if it comes from seeing the divine in others and creating bonds and relationships and support networks. so much of it comes from enjoying beauty and art, and moderating and savoring that experience vs endless consumption and media gluttony.
the world through a screen is bleak, the world in front of your eyes can be beautiful, the system is broken but you and everyone you know has some untapped agency. anyway imma get off my soapbox, go catch a firefly or sit around a campfire with the homies. you’ll be glad you did.
Jun 29, 2024
🚪
not because you met someone or anything but because you take psychic damage every time you doom swipe on there and you probably never liked being on there in the first place and why does everyone seem to have a wack helen keller take and feel the need to put that on their profile like it’s cute??
time to do it the old fashioned way and mix and mingle at the sock hop or however our grandparents did it. after all, you just being around and living life is gonna be a better pitch for why someone should date you than those same 5 photos and your two-truths-and-a-lie prompt.
Feb 22, 2024