š¤
It gets harder to meet new people as you get older, especially if you arenāt in a super social work environment. The dating apps can sometimes hit but the amount of effort it takes can be exhausting, so Iād say have it as just one part of a collection of things youāre doing to make connections.
Finding a community of people who are also into the same creative endeavor has always gotten consistent results for me. I saw youāre into making zines, so participating in a zine fair could be fun. You could also check out the 8-Ball Community which has a publishing initiative ā I think theyāre pretty welcoming if youāre looking to volunteer / get involved.
But yeah, showing up semi-regularly to the same places and becoming familiar is a key. I moved to Portland Oregon for a year back in 2009 and didnāt know a single person which was super hard. I ended up just hanging out at this parking lot with a bunch of food trucks and got to talking with some of the other kids that hung out and worked there. Eventually I got invited out to some of their parties and by the end of the year was part of their crew. Took a while tho!
Also, it tends to start with just one friend. And if that person accepts you, then everyone else theyāre friends with will too. And then you can hang with the other people and keep branching out. Itās a practice, one that develops over a lifetime.
Related Recs
š«
Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
š
ive been single for 5 years so when i moved, going out alone wasnāt really a new concept it was just the unfamiliar environment that was intimidating. so i just had to get over my fear of the literal unknown.
either way, concerts are the easiest place for me to make new connections cus i like to dance and i mean thereās already a solid topic of conversation to lead with (the artist you r there to see š)
dive bars r easy too, i just have a drink at the bar, talk to whoeverās there, and go wherever the wind takes me.
i also just straight up asked my coworkers if anyone wanted to be friends and /or hangout. sometimes (in seattle at least) u just have to be straightforward
my old roommate liked going to queer nights and thatās how she met a few of her friends
my current roommate is into gaming so he goes to gaming meets & card game battles
and i have another friend who loves skating so she goes to skating events
i guess, meet new people thru ur hobbies š§š½āāļø
BUT ALSO
donāt be afraid to ask :)
May 16, 2024
š«
First off, ditch the misogynistic crowd like the plague (Iām sure you already know this!). Secondly, every pre-existing friendship group feels out of reach until you become part of it. People naturally will gravitate towards people theyāve known longer and are close with. The only way to become more part of a group is to be with them more. This is true of any friendship or friendship group. The more you show up to it, the more it becomes a solid friendship. When you find a person or a group you get on with, keep meeting up with them. Donāt be embarrassed to ask, everyone was new once! And sometimes you donāt even have to ask, if thereās a specific event they always attend, become a regular, just hang out! Friendship doesnāt just happen like we often think it does, it requires being in the same places, and putting in the same effort repeatedly. friendship seemed easier at school, but thatās because you were in the same place with the same people everyday. Obviously keep an eye out for people or groups who are clearly just not wanting to reciprocate that energy and look for people who are open to it! I struggle with this too, especially as someone who canāt get out all the time, but my most recent example is my friend Ant runs a little acoustic night every wednesday, so Iām starting to go every Wednesday to talk to him behind the bar, and to be around our mutual friends who arent necessarily my friends yet but become more so everything Iām there. royallmonarch has a great rec about community when trying to make a city a home that Iāll try to share in the comments cause it wont seem to let me do it here!
Apr 7, 2024
Top Recs from @gabe
Jan 25, 2024
Ate this for the first time last night because itās been recād a bunch of times on here and im in Boston for the week. Borderline psychedelic. This sandwich is insane. Youāre all insane. Iām kinda craving another somehow.
Feb 8, 2024
Thanks yāall for the fire tips - I had a blast. Just put everyoneās recās into a google maps collection so you can find them at the linkš
My addition is the Empire Garden Restaurant in Chinatown. Built into an old vaudeville theater, the food is solid but the atmosphere is absurd and a must see.
Feb 14, 2024