💌
i find as an unhealed person who doesn’t have a good sense of self respect or mindfulness sex kind of causes a lot of problems for me interpersonal and personal.
at least a break in looking at WHY you’re having sex, and what kind of sexual scripts you’re following without even realizing.. what parts of yourself are you reinforcing and/or reducing when you enter sexual situations?
i think sex can be mistaken for intimacy sometimes, is this the form of intimacy that serves you best? what conditions do you think you need to have sex that makes you feel good and genuine? do you feel you have emotional agency in your sex life?
(edit: also! sex is so fucking vulnerable! of course being vulnerable is how you form connections.. but to perform vulnerability is not the same and it happens a lot!)
i also have a lot of personal disgust towards sexual scripts put on by pornography (violence, minors, cnc ect.) the rad fem aspect of sex/porn is a whole nother beast, i’d recommend looking into bdsm ect through that lense if it’s something you are looking for more insight towards. (obviously fuck TERF and try to avoid those rabbit holes, but radical feminism affirmed a lot of theories i had on why sex/sexuality is/are such a point of shame and contention for young people)
ANYWAY, i am only 20 so take this with a grain of salt but i think that naturalism fucks with peoples potential for healthy and fulfilling sex lives, preset scripts about what it should be and what it has been. If the sex you’re having feels wrong it probably is, and you have agency to change that, just take a break and reevaluate.
Mar 6, 2024
Related Recs
been pretty interested in sex/porn/eroticism for a long time but still felt a lot of shame about talking about it even in a more “cerebral” but i recently read porn: an oral history by polly barton which is a series of interviews she had with people about their relationships with porn and i found them very enlightening. since i’ve made a conscious effort to have those kinds of conversations with my friends. i promise that if you take it kind of seriously and come into it with genuine intention it will literally change your life. porn is pretty taboo but omnipresent so people have a lot of unexpressed thoughts about it so having these conversations is a really good outlet and usually brings up a bunch of interesting bits.
Sep 2, 2024
@mothersuperior post on latex and the yearndemic reminded me of this essay that I read a few years ago about the commodification and fetishization of the body and how it’s been paralleled with a lack of chemistry and sexuality that we used to see on screen. The title is your tldr: everyone is hot and no one is horny. The sterilization of sexuality and sex is everywhere, past even film. It’s a response to the acceleration of capitalism, war and colonial extraction of the earth. It has crept into the ways we view ourselves, our experience and our bodies.
One thing I took away from this essay is that to align yourself with traditional beauty standards will make you too tired to fuck. Similarly, the whole « working on yourself » grind that I heard on first dates all the time is this strange, individualistic perspective that makes you too exhausted and distracted for the holistic chemistry we desire. We flatten our lives to marketable lines that make us appear attractive - I’m working on myself, I’ve been going to therapy, I have a nice job and apartment. And while people are obviously horny, they don’t know for what - forming our bodies to be better, our minds fixed and correct, we can’t pinpoint what the purpose is cause we’re too fucking exhausted to investigate further than that. Love, desire, and chemistry feel more and more elusive.
For us to morph ourselves into the image of sexiness according to western beauty standards, there is sacrifice (nutrients, your current corporeal form, the ability to be perceived as more than an object, working long hours for your grind) that doesn’t align with sensuality (unless you’re into that). There is no room for the spectrum of sensations you body is capable of feeling. There is no room for desire when we’ve given it all up the capitalist war machine. :p
2d ago
😃
well-written article analyzing cronenburg's films and contrasting them with today's sexual politics and lack of eroticism.
passage i enjoyed: In fact, we are not impermeable packages of preformed desires, importing our likes and dislikes around with us from one encounter to the next like papers in a briefcase. An erotic craving is inextricable from the ferment that foams up when oneself is sluiced into another. Not only is it impossible for us to know whether an encounter will be deflating or transformative but we cannot know what sort of metamorphosis will ensue if the sex is as jarring as we can only hope it will be.
Feb 19, 2024
Top Recs from @nastygoob
🔑
if you haven’t read it yet… do. I linked the pdf it’s only 164 pages and it is so so complex and sweet and fucking horribly sad, so amazing how it’s all packed in there.
Mar 4, 2024
I made one inbetween rushes for my coworkers baby shower yesterday and even though it was just on a piece of printer paper it was so fun
a couple years ago for christmas i drew all my friends a very personal card with their names in pictures and fonts i thought they would like and it was so fun to get to show them how i perceived them or the things they enjoy
Mar 11, 2024
🎧
Very cool way Jack Rhysider set this up, i particulary like the episodes about security audits (hired to physically break in or hack into a company building/network to test it). Also the ones about gaming are super cool, online scams, crypto, silk road.. he’s got a ton of topics, pretty long ad reads but nothing unbearable!
Mar 6, 2024