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u gotta just show up at the same places consistently. if someone sees u at a place long enough they'll either end up talking to u or u'll talk to them by virtue of just occupying the space. this can apply to almost anything so like the gym, dance classes, art studios, cafes, bars, clubs, book clubs, town hall meetings, etc
personally, ive been going to the same rock climbing gym and even though i suck at it (and im really really bad at it) ive met a couple of rlly cool ppl from there. but yeah its much easier said than done, bc life can get in the way of that consistency. but if u rlly try at it i think u can meet some cool folks.
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a coffee shop, running club, pottery class, karaoke night etc.
Whatever thing ur into. Go to places where you can do that thing regularly.
Eventally and usually pretty organically you will begin to make friends with people. People who you probably have alot in common with because you already have a shared interest. Yay!
I moved to a new state about a year ago knowing no one. I joined an improv class and now I have a whole network of people that I never expected to know. From that network you'll meet other people and so and so on.
Feb 3, 2025
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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It gets harder to meet new people as you get older, especially if you aren’t in a super social work environment. The dating apps can sometimes hit but the amount of effort it takes can be exhausting, so I’d say have it as just one part of a collection of things you’re doing to make connections.
Finding a community of people who are also into the same creative endeavor has always gotten consistent results for me. I saw you’re into making zines, so participating in a zine fair could be fun. You could also check out the 8-Ball Community which has a publishing initiative — I think they‘re pretty welcoming if you’re looking to volunteer / get involved.
But yeah, showing up semi-regularly to the same places and becoming familiar is a key. I moved to Portland Oregon for a year back in 2009 and didn’t know a single person which was super hard. I ended up just hanging out at this parking lot with a bunch of food trucks and got to talking with some of the other kids that hung out and worked there. Eventually I got invited out to some of their parties and by the end of the year was part of their crew. Took a while tho!
Also, it tends to start with just one friend. And if that person accepts you, then everyone else they’re friends with will too. And then you can hang with the other people and keep branching out. It’s a practice, one that develops over a lifetime.
Mar 18, 2024
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i rlly like looking at sewer drains
Feb 7, 2024
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sometimes you need a lil book to write about what fruits your friend likes to eat
Jan 26, 2024
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posting has gotten scarier for some reason and having a finsta just takes away those nerves for me. i think with the commercialization of social media its hard to find authenticity online and i think having a private account brings that back even if its a little exclusive
Feb 25, 2024