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I’ve been working on trying to resist internet pile-ons, and not in a contarian for contrarian’s sake way. I think it’s more interesting to find out what’s actually happening and search for context and perspective. There’s usually a lot more to each story and it leads to more interesting ideas and conversations. Allowing for more empathy and forgiveness toward others also ultimately leads to more grace for yourself when you make a mistake. Sometimes people are jerks and sometimes people say the wrong thing and sometimes people run with something without understanding what someone is actually saying. I’m resolving to look for nuance first before assuming the worst.
Mar 20, 2024
Related Recs
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I am able to see everything as multifaceted. I know there are more than two sides to the same coin, and I believe things shouldn’t be approached as they appear.
being able to recognize this has made me a more understanding person. I’m still a hater to my core, and I still make snap judgements about people cutting me off in traffic or being rude to me in the grocery store and the like, but as someone who works in customer service, it has helped me not take everything so personally. Someone snapping at me, or asking a lot of questions that may seem obvious isn’t necessarily a pock on their character. Someone may be having a bad day, or is really tired, or high, or just hasn’t been here and they are overwhelmed because everything is new and different. I am also able to avoid spiraling about my personal relationships because it really is not about me all the time. And even if/when it is about me, it most likely not malicious. A lot of people have anxieties they don’t recognize actively, but they still act on them. And that is okay. We are all people, we all fuck up, and we all keep living.
Mar 6, 2025
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Two days ago while in a daunting line at an airport, I heard one silver-haired man say to another about Hurricane Helene that just devastated parts of the US:
"When the hurricane came off the gulf it hadn't picked up any water, but somehow it rained over sixteen inches."
"You know they can control the weather now. You've never heard of weather manipulation?"
"Their target was Spruce Pine in North Carolina. Every single computer chip in the world has a crystal that comes from there."
"They are trying to control things politically because of the election."
"You heard about what they did with the wildfires in Hawaii using the lasers from space?"
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Okay, confession: my first impulse is that I wanted to text someone or post somewhere about the wacky conversation I'd just overheard: about how people are so gullible or, more generously, isn't it crazy how we can so easily find ourselves in these narrow algorithmic internet bubbles that keep us in a perpetual rabbit hole reality.
But instead, I remained curious. Not necessarily curious about the content of what this guy was saying, though it turns out that some of his facts may have been on target, even if his conclusions seem way off base—the thing about chip manufacturing and Spruce Pine, for instance, was widely reported.
But I held curiosity instead about him as a person and about me and about all of us.
I wondered: how did he get there with these beliefs? Has it impacted his life and relationships? What are holiday conversations like for his family?
And what about me: surely there are absolute certainties that I'm believing right now that may turn out later to have been wrong — am I holding those in a way now that invites feedback and conversation or am I doubling down and become narrower and less approachable?
And also about all of us: we are all wrong about some things. If we weren't, there'd never be any space for learning and growth. So knowing that, about me and about you, how can we live in a way that both honors our current state while keeping a posture of teachability?
Oct 8, 2024
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Remember that, smart alecks!
Some more of my core guiding principles around this idea:
Truth and fact are two sides of the same coin.
They are interconnected but not interchangeable.
On a similar note:
Truth is complex and often paradoxical.
If you think you can lay it out in black and white terms, sorry bud – you don’t have a handle on it. The capacity to hold space for seemingly conflicting ideas is essential. That means letting go of the idea that your truth is the truth.
Critique something/someone only from a place of understanding
^ did a whole rec on this. To add to it: if you spend a lot of time criticizing those who you disagree with, whose benefit is it for? Mainly it’s a signifier to those who you do agree with that you’re part of the same in-group. That’s fine and it has its place, but constructively challenging the views and behaviors of those within your own community (including yourself!) is much more valuable.
And on that note:
Understanding ≠ condoning
Most people skip the work of trying to truly understand because they’re afraid they’ll seem complicit. Say someone commits a violent crime. Trying to understand the familial, socioeconomic, and systemic circumstances that factored in – developing empathy for this person – does not mean you condone the behavior or that you care any less for the victim of their crime. You are not doing any good to the cause of peace of justice or whatever you claim to stand for by refusing to understand people (however fucked up and misguided they may be).
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Ok that’s long enough, maybe I’ll drop some fun ones in another post lol bye
Jul 17, 2024
Top Recs from @Shadowbeni
a study issued last month found that dancing is the most effective way of treating and mitigating depression. Walking, therapy, and yoga also outpaced SSRIs. and if you're saying 'oh this was probably funded by Big Dance', there's no evidence of that and if you're saying 'that's just what a Big Dance shill would say', well honey you're right
Mar 4, 2024
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Reminder that most of what we do is a performance
Feb 24, 2025
Oct 3, 2024