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“Who are you when you’re not performing for the people in your mind”
What to do when you’ve been stuck behind a desk all day, everyone’s unavailable, and you’re craving a coffee or a walk in the park?
With the business of life, and consuming nature of the fleeting hour, we cannot help but find ourselves submitting to the mundane cycle of living ordinarily. We find ourselves following the same routine, and loosing ourselves within them. Whether striking up a conversation with a fellow solo diner at a restaurant or exchanging smiles with strangers in a bustling park, I discovered the joy of genuine human connection outside the confines of traditional dating dynamics by simply taking myself in a date.
Solo dating has been a transformative journey for me, offering a sanctuary from the noise of everyday life and allowing me to truly discover who I am when I'm not performing for the people in my mind. Initially, the idea of dating myself seemed foreign, even daunting. At first, it was simply an excuse to account for the bustle of life, and how difficult it is to make plans with people. But as I embarked on this adventure, I realized its profound impact on my well-being and personal growth.
It provided me with invaluable alone time, free from the pressures of social expectations. It became a refuge from feelings of loneliness and isolation, offering moments of genuine connection with myself. Through solo dates, whether it was exploring a new hiking trail, savoring a meal at a cozy café, or simply enjoying a quiet evening with a book, I cultivated a deeper sense of self-awareness and contentment.
Peel back the layers of self-doubt and societal expectations to reveal your authentic self beneath the facade—and take yourself on a date or two.
Apr 18, 2024
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Though some people might find this kind of depressing I actually see it as the opposite. It’s really been a while since I’ve done this but I see it necessary to go on a date with yourself once in a while. Go to a cafe, take a walk without any destination in mind, or you might as well go to the cinema on your own.
More than an act of self love I perceive it as a way to embrace solitude and get to know yourself more; It brings so much inner peace and helps to heal that part of yourself that finds loneliness daunting. There is a beauty in everything and solitude is not the exception.
Oct 7, 2024
I got rejected twice haha—so I took myself on a solo date instead! Went to a candle-lit Valentine’s Concerto, and most of those who attended were couples.
Before, I used to feel envious of couples, but tonight, I super enjoyed witnessing lovebirds swaying to the sound of a string quartet on top of Manila’s old heritage building.
My key takeaway here is never wait for others to experience beautiful things. It takes courage to do this, but I won’t waste my life being so low just because I’m solo.
And if you see beautiful people together, don’t take it as envy ~~ take it as a sign that love exists, and that it can exist for you too.
S/o to Justin, this could’ve been you, but oh well—I’m gonna date myself instead.
Feb 16, 2025
“Have you ever sat in a railway station and watched people killing time? Do they not sit a little like crestfallen angels?”
- Henry Miller, Black Spring
Like many people here, I came to this site after deleting my social media profiles. One day, I had enough of the notifications, sensationalistic news posts, and all of the other mental intrusions with which we pay for our profiles. Ditto for dating apps, which I came to see as ecosystems fueled by people wearing each other down. The outcome wasn’t deeper connections, but increased frustration and jadedness and, in turn, a continued clientèle for these apps. Antisocial media is corny to use nowadays, but, for all intents and purposes, that’s the outcome.
Pretty soon, I felt the fear of missing out. Was I losing out on meeting people? What about what so-and-so was doing? I found myself feeling like I had time on my hands. I have a demanding job and plenty of side projects, but somehow the time I was carving away to doomscroll still felt like a loss to me.
I took the time I gained to get on top of my stuff. I’ve started finding moments of peace in running. My latest and most meaningful one was before my drawing class. I was at the office all day and didn’t realize how warm it was. I was 30 minutes early and I sat at a cafe in front of the art school. I spent 30 minutes reading Henry Miller while sipping on an espresso. Maybe boredom is not something we should take for granted. Maybe those moments of boredom are where we are closest to being divine.
May 12, 2024
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“how can a person know everything at eighteen, but nothing at twenty-two”
life truly humbles you. as you start growing older, you stop only chasing the big things, and start valuing the little things too. being able to weave stories of experiences and begin applying them—integrating the lessons and learning curves.
in the past few hours of being eighteen, ive learnt how limited our time on earth truly is. i was advised (perhaps even lectured) that i shouldn’t try to defy nature’s course with futile attempts to “age gracefully”, but to rather age with mischief, audacity and a good story to tell. beyond grateful for the love that surrounds me, and the love that i am bound to give out.
Dec 22, 2024
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An ideal world is one that knows no pain. That, sadly, is not the one we live in. Pain is a part of the human experience—but failure to move on from it makes you miserable. If you dwell too much on what has happened, you will never be fulfilled enough to see all the good you have/ that is to come. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of a situation.
‘And in fact, it’s time to forsake someone else’s idea of what gives you a spark or no spark. Block the “other” from the picture. No more audience. Just you.’
Whether you choose to take that responsibility (of acceptance), or give it up to the disappointments of life, you return to yourself. The choice is whether to wallow in the misery of that pain, or take it as it comes and look at what it has to offer you.
Jul 18, 2024
“woman says ‘i love this song’ after every song on her own playlist”
(core)
i always notice music; music is what feelings sound like. because it has to, the world will change—and people will too. naturally, one of my favorite parts of the year is between late november and early december: spotify wrapped season. keeping track of people’s listening habits (to figure out whose allowed on aux) has always been a nosy pleasure of mine. i never want to lose connections to change; music allows me to sever those relations—“you listen to catherine wheel?”… “i didn’t know you were into fiona apple too!”—it’s a great way to form bonds. music connects people. i for one relish in this understanding. i, unfortunately, am an impatient person and cannot wait until the end of the year. i take this ngenart quiz monthly to record my own listening analytics as i continue to delve deeper into this interest, and share them casually in hopes that others will join in.
Oct 26, 2024