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“Have you ever sat in a railway station and watched people killing time? Do they not sit a little like crestfallen angels?”
- Henry Miller, Black Spring
Like many people here, I came to this site after deleting my social media profiles. One day, I had enough of the notifications, sensationalistic news posts, and all of the other mental intrusions with which we pay for our profiles. Ditto for dating apps, which I came to see as ecosystems fueled by people wearing each other down. The outcome wasn’t deeper connections, but increased frustration and jadedness and, in turn, a continued clientèle for these apps. Antisocial media is corny to use nowadays, but, for all intents and purposes, that’s the outcome.
Pretty soon, I felt the fear of missing out. Was I losing out on meeting people? What about what so-and-so was doing? I found myself feeling like I had time on my hands. I have a demanding job and plenty of side projects, but somehow the time I was carving away to doomscroll still felt like a loss to me.
I took the time I gained to get on top of my stuff. I’ve started finding moments of peace in running. My latest and most meaningful one was before my drawing class. I was at the office all day and didn’t realize how warm it was. I was 30 minutes early and I sat at a cafe in front of the art school. I spent 30 minutes reading Henry Miller while sipping on an espresso. Maybe boredom is not something we should take for granted. Maybe those moments of boredom are where we are closest to being divine.
May 12, 2024
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A little personal, but being non-binary, I grew up very dissociated from my body and my time, so I don’t remember a good chunk of my formative years and have retained none of my hobbies. Recently tho, I have been trying to piece myself back together, so I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Another thing about me is that I have crushes everywhere I go, so I spend a lot of time loving others. After breaking-up with an ex that made me feel very neglected qnd unappreciated, I decided that I was going to give myself as much love and attention as I give my crushes and lovers. This has changed me.
I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share.
Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too.
It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3
Mar 11, 2024
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“Who are you when you’re not performing for the people in your mind”
What to do when you’ve been stuck behind a desk all day, everyone’s unavailable, and you’re craving a coffee or a walk in the park?
With the business of life, and consuming nature of the fleeting hour, we cannot help but find ourselves submitting to the mundane cycle of living ordinarily. We find ourselves following the same routine, and loosing ourselves within them. Whether striking up a conversation with a fellow solo diner at a restaurant or exchanging smiles with strangers in a bustling park, I discovered the joy of genuine human connection outside the confines of traditional dating dynamics by simply taking myself in a date.
Solo dating has been a transformative journey for me, offering a sanctuary from the noise of everyday life and allowing me to truly discover who I am when I'm not performing for the people in my mind. Initially, the idea of dating myself seemed foreign, even daunting. At first, it was simply an excuse to account for the bustle of life, and how difficult it is to make plans with people. But as I embarked on this adventure, I realized its profound impact on my well-being and personal growth.
It provided me with invaluable alone time, free from the pressures of social expectations. It became a refuge from feelings of loneliness and isolation, offering moments of genuine connection with myself. Through solo dates, whether it was exploring a new hiking trail, savoring a meal at a cozy café, or simply enjoying a quiet evening with a book, I cultivated a deeper sense of self-awareness and contentment.
Peel back the layers of self-doubt and societal expectations to reveal your authentic self beneath the facade—and take yourself on a date or two.
Apr 18, 2024
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In a world and in a political landscape where it is so easy to despair, looking into the eyes of another human being and really listening while they speak means so much. The more you seek connection with others, the more opportunities for joy and belonging will open up to you. It is so easy to feel downtrodden, isolated and afraid nowadays. My own tendency to isolate in times of stress and sadness has often left me little energy to think outside of myself and my immediate circle. There are times to turn inward, but it is so much more valuable when those times of reflection are met with connection. I, like so many, have had unhealthy ways of coping with my own traumas and grief, my insecurities and broken heart. Over the last year, I have put in real work to better myself, to respect myself, and in garnering this renewed self-love, I've found I have more to give tenfold. Eating well and moving my body really does wonders, gives me more energy and inspiration to take care of myself, and by proxy those around me. I suddenly want to read more, cook more, engage in more meaningful conversation, take on new projects with friends that will enrich our lives.
I've been feeling so existential and sentimental recently, in an extreme way I've never experienced before, because it is paired with the efforts I've made to treat myself differently and better. For the first time in what feels like a very long time, I actually find myself wanting to make the most of my life, of life in general, instead of lying in wait for some invisible, impending threat, or even merely waiting for things to maybe work out in an acceptable, tepid way someday. I want to make the most of everything. I think this is the key to sustained happiness and hopefulness–—listening to what your body wants, treating it as well as you can, and using the stamina you achieve to connect with others and be present in the world. It may all be doomed, but I still see beauty around me simply by not turning away from it anymore, enough beauty to really, really believe that it is such an exquisite accident to be alive.
5d ago
Top Recs from @pasolinian
Yesterday, I showed my friend (also my roommate and colleague) what probably is my favourite film. It’s an old French film that was practically the blueprint for the lonely and stoic hit man trope.
It struck me how much he enjoyed it. I wondered why I hadn’t shared it with him earlier. Why are we so stingy to share what we love? Why do we delay the amazing bonding opportunities that beautiful art gives us. I don’t know, but I’ll be doing a lot more of this.
May 3, 2024
I feel like this is a must for anyone that likes understated scents. The perfume is very floral with a smokey touch lingering about like an afterthought. I bought it to wear last summer but still haven’t finished the bottle! It’s unisex too, definitely smt to wear with your favourite spring trench coat
May 12, 2024
May 13, 2024