iām definitely a hopeless romantic but i think i have a good sense of realistic expectations in (romantic) love. so obviously i hope i find someone thatās like the loml but i understand how rare that is!
and i find it much more important to spend time appreciating love for yourself and others and nature and so on. all loves are important and abundant when you embrace them! maybe related ā i know itās the generational norm but dating apps feel way too unnatural to me.
i also think when we talk about ālove of your lifeā itās always finite; i believe itās more normal/realistic to have someone be the love of your life at a specific point in your life, and later you maybe part ways when you realize your lives and selves have separately evolved from that time.
but i know so many people who define their lives/future over being in their specific relationship (regardless if itās monogamous or not!) and i have found that is unhealthy and unsustainable. i think you can get so deep into a relationship that you drown in it!
May 14, 2024
Related Recs
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romantic gestures (grand or small, whatever youāre into) balanced with honesty, understanding, acceptance, patience, communication and trust. compromise is important too but within reason! you shouldnāt compromise to the point where you lose yourself or feel like youāre settling for the sake of love and the person you love shouldnāt want that either. also, a lot of people want to be in a relationship for the sake of company and companionship and fail to see the other as their own person. so have standards, even if that means you wonāt be in a relationship right away. love means being able to be an individual and appreciated as such. love should not be your identity, your identity should be present in how you love. i donāt know i have a very practical but fantastical approachā¦maybe itās my taurus venus. personally i fancy a little fun and humor as well. if i canāt be silly with my lover i donāt want it.
May 14, 2024
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True love is an ideal, and historically I don't know if most people experienced it- people have always married for money, had arranged marriages, been subject to immense power differences in their relationships that forced them to behave in certain ways. I do see this sentiment frequently and I think it reflects
1. the difficulty of romantic relationships in general, being something that you have to work at and compromise in every day, and
2. a general isolation that prevents people from falling in love organically and the perception of there "always being a better option" because of dating apps and social media feeding you the 1% of hot people all the time and movies and music and tv presenting sensationalized dream love stories to aspire to.
So maybe romance is just as hard to find as it has ever been, just in new ways. People have always yearned, so what do i know
Feb 18, 2025
now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isnāt universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) iād met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. weād laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didnāt like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didnāt work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
weāve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk Iāve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- itās never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you itās wrong ā youāre worth more than that. love doesnāt thrive when itās fed by obligation and pressure.
- donāt be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, theyāre not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
Top Recs from @marxinista
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being traditionally cool is really quite boring and iterative, and itās actually very cool and sexy to geek out about something you like or share bits of knowledge on a topic youāre passionate about
Aug 17, 2024
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i had it for a little over a year until i was like wow this is actually terrible! i genuinely think it has negatively impacted society by ruining peopleās attention spans, having a horrific algorithm, and most of all by the most mind-numbing or outright harmful trends -
fake words that people now use IRL (āunaliveā), trad wife tiktok, shein hauls, body-focused fitness vids that encourage fatphobia and unhealthy habits, shallow political/feminist theory and queer discourse, āalpha maleā podcaster tiktok, encouraging overconsumption in general, trends ruining local spots or niche thingsā¦ the list goes on
Aug 17, 2024
a million times cooler than the lackluster āsleekā tech color palette used today
Feb 22, 2025