In my experience what works best specifically w public conflict
- only intervene physical harm is eminent or if truly nasty language is being used loudly
- keep in mind your safety comes first (you canât rescue someone if youâre drowning yourself)
- if thereâs a window where youâre able to speak to someone one on one and check in consider doing that
Itâs really tough seeing any form of that in public bc you dont know those people you donât have necessary context
And even with the best intentions getting involved will escalate the situation either in the moment or for the ppl arguing later behind closed doors
Imo unless youâre certain someone is going to be physically harmed its best not to step inâŠ
Jun 7, 2024
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IDK most thread answers here seem idealistic. Sometimes people know exactly how they are contributing to the conflict and are counting on your grace to bulldoze whatever it is they want to achieve. Don't ever acuse or jump to conclusions but always respectfully lay out their words / behavior back to them and basically let them know that you already know what the fuck is up. Maybe they are doing it somewhat unconsciously, maybe you understand, however an empathetic but straightforward read of what you are seeing and hearing from them reflected back goes a long way. sometimes you even come back stronger
Oct 8, 2024
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This is what came to mind first:
When you get into conflict with your partner, it is okay to step away to regulate yourself, collect your thoughts, etc. It is not okay to leave the conversation entirely and then never circle back to it to finish.
In previous relationships of mine, it felt like we always were in ongoing conflict. We never actually came to a close of any one conflict, it was just that one or both of us was too tired so we left it and just moved on.
I had a therapist that really drilled into me that arguably one of the most important parts of conflict is the coming together afterwards. Even if you have to get to a space of agree to disagree, making an effort to reconnect in your love for another actually closes the argument and maintains the relationship.
This can also help with the piling on of past conflicts that can happen. â well, you also did this and you always do this.!â if you actually had closed that conflict previously, you wouldnât need to bring it up to get validation for it. That was another rule that I was taught: when you bring something up, be specific and stay in the present moment. That doesnât mean you canât bring up a pattern, but you have to be able to tie that back to a specific action of some kind. Even if you allude to it being a pattern, bring it back to talking about the specific example that you brought up. It just makes things a lot easier, and also helps from making any assaults on somebodyâs character.
Jan 17, 2025
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Learned this in a customer service context, but itâs also been very helpful in my personal life. Basically the idea that if you know what youâre gonna say is just gonna piss the other person off, strongly consider not saying it even if youâre right. Huge tool to save your emotional energy.
Jul 17, 2024
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To startâ> I donât want this to come off as trauma dumpy, I am v happy with the person Ive grown into. Who I wouldnât be if I didnât have these experiences:)
Iâve moved around so so so much especially as a kid. I used to feel v guilty bc there were a lot of friends I left behind bc of circumstances beyond my control. This pattern became a trend that continued throughout my life. Went to 4 high schools; was going thru a lot, and was referred to as a ghost.
Having someone you didnât even realize knew who u were say âomg! Itâs been a year! We thought youâd died, wow, how are you? Yk a lot of people tried to reach outâŠetcâ completely changed my perspective on the world. I didnât even realize the possibility I was really noticed outside of my immediate friend group.
Another case happened this year at university. I was chatting w someone from a class, their friends walk up to say hi, and one says âyour name is Sophia right?â I said yes and assumed Iâd just met her while drunk at a show. So I apologized, and asked her name/ where she was from and all that jazz. It got more awkward when she said we went to the same school growing up, same class and everything. I didnât recognize her at all, but obviously she knew me, it was so bizarre. Continued to see her around campus nearly every day for the rest of the year Lolz.
It didnt all actualize for me until recently, and still makes my head spin. I canât imagine how many people I unintentionally became a ghost to :// being perceived is crazyyyy
May 24, 2024
In this regard, to what I like to call a funk.
I feel trĂšs dookie. Lots of change in my life, and in times of instability I tend to fall off the horse- in a major way. Like many ppl. This past go round I have been excessively hard on myself over my general lacking in⊠well almost everything. Ive come to the conclusion that there are times you have to give yourself more grace than youâd like to. Maybe the pity party can last a couple more days than usual. I wonât go into details, bc as those of you reading who have dealt with mental health struggles, it can be sort of gross. Sure. Thereâs a ton I could be doing to put an end to my funk. Make more of an effort to dig myself out of the hole. But, at the end of the day I know I will come out of the funk in my own time. Faking myself out, and convincing myself Iâm feeling better serves no one.
Making yourself feel worse over feeling bad in the first place is just wildly counterproductive. Just keep moving forward in time. Thereâs a lot of it <3
Jun 2, 2024
May 29, 2024