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i wish people were better at this. big sign of emotional maturity i think is when people are actually capable of this. things happen and if you can’t talk them through what are you meant to do? just let it stew so it gets worse? let it destroy a relationship for no reason? fuck all that. have the conversations so you can reach an understanding. we can’t read eachothers minds man
Jun 10, 2024
Related Recs
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This is what came to mind first:
When you get into conflict with your partner, it is okay to step away to regulate yourself, collect your thoughts, etc. It is not okay to leave the conversation entirely and then never circle back to it to finish.
In previous relationships of mine, it felt like we always were in ongoing conflict. We never actually came to a close of any one conflict, it was just that one or both of us was too tired so we left it and just moved on.
I had a therapist that really drilled into me that arguably one of the most important parts of conflict is the coming together afterwards. Even if you have to get to a space of agree to disagree, making an effort to reconnect in your love for another actually closes the argument and maintains the relationship.
This can also help with the piling on of past conflicts that can happen. “ well, you also did this and you always do this.!” if you actually had closed that conflict previously, you wouldn’t need to bring it up to get validation for it. That was another rule that I was taught: when you bring something up, be specific and stay in the present moment. That doesn’t mean you can’t bring up a pattern, but you have to be able to tie that back to a specific action of some kind. Even if you allude to it being a pattern, bring it back to talking about the specific example that you brought up. It just makes things a lot easier, and also helps from making any assaults on somebody’s character.
Jan 17, 2025
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one of the biggest shocks about growing up was discovering that motherfuckers cannot read minds. I am still shaken up about this.
but what mf can do is learn about you. Communication can and does go beyond just the verbal corrections. It can be body language, the tightness of shoulders or sudden lack of eye contact. its tricky tho, to just go from physical cues alone. a picture paints a thousand words is not actually true, unless the artist explains their point.
For me, when I’m triggered and tensed up — my body is painting the picture of rejection for the other. They might think im angry, or that they did something wrong. But the words i need to hear are ‘you’re safe, of course you feel that way’ instead of ‘what‘s wrong with you’
for me, ive communicated that I like when others pry a bit for my emotions. I’m such an explosion of colours, the observer needs to decipher the blues in a way that makes me feel they care. Which is by asking. I’m not asking them to know what the hell im painting, the brush strokes of my experience, but it goes a long way to talk about it. Even if it just means leaning into the observer and saying ‘could you please get me some water… I’m running dry… ‘
Dec 7, 2024
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IDK most thread answers here seem idealistic. Sometimes people know exactly how they are contributing to the conflict and are counting on your grace to bulldoze whatever it is they want to achieve. Don't ever acuse or jump to conclusions but always respectfully lay out their words / behavior back to them and basically let them know that you already know what the fuck is up. Maybe they are doing it somewhat unconsciously, maybe you understand, however an empathetic but straightforward read of what you are seeing and hearing from them reflected back goes a long way. sometimes you even come back stronger
Oct 8, 2024
Top Recs from @shegoestoanotherschool
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leaves you susceptible to dating someone for too long because they play a role rather than it being about who they are. if you go in open to every situation, it will play out as its supposed to naturally (sometimes with a little nudge)
Aug 4, 2024
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literally every single series has been great so far except BOS/MIA & CLE/ORL. we really in for a treat
Apr 23, 2024
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go drink some right now
it’s good for your body and skin and has magical healing properties when consumed at the right times. currently it’s helping me beat a hangover
Dec 29, 2024