"If the two of you are so good together, why don't you make a move?" my friend asked me in a dream about the guy I was ever so slowly falling for. Those words echoed through my mind for months, from the first date till the final breakup.
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💞
became close friends and then a year later after an accidental date i asked him “do you like me” and he said “yeah i do” and i said “what are you gonna do about it”
Feb 8, 2024
♥️
i had a conversation with my current squeeze about vday plans and i was incredibly nervous.
we aren’t “official”, however both of us have not engaged in any other stuff with other people since we met.
even in this situation, and from past experiences i didn't want to impose so much on him, and create an expectation that we needed to celebrate since we aren’t technically a couple. also he has a weird work schedule and fridays is his day to prepare for long shifts during the weekend.
i told him we can do something the day before, but that i would like to celebrate the morning of vday with him before i get to work and he goes back home. luckily he agreed to it.
this is to say, im willing to wait a bit longer. but i am curious how long he will wait. he got out of a long term relationship a month before we met. i want to give him some time. but i am kinda on a clock as well. despite that, i am still having great times with him 💗
also, i feel uncomfortable saying “boyfriend“, so im using other terms like “flame”, “squeeze”, “paramour”, etc. and honestly i like that better than the other stuff 😂
Feb 1, 2025
🧯
Guy 1: wore his long hair in a braid one day, danced just while goofing off and he somehow made it look super attractive (reader: he can barely dance), posted a photo of himself “snowboarding” down a volcano during winter break, recruited me for his short film project that involved several takes at the end of my character hugging his character 🙈 (we’re married now)
Guy 2: wore a suit to a wedding (this man normally wore cargo shorts and tshirts he’d probably owned for a decade, which there’s nothing wrong with it was just a particularly stark difference lol)
Guy 3: merely made silent eye contact a few moments longer than usual while smiling 🫠
Girl 1: longtime friend but hadn’t seen her face in a while due to long distance and her rarely posting pictures of herself anywhere—she sent me some selfies and i was dazzled ✨
Girl 2: already thought she was beautiful and interesting but had a real “oh no” moment when her eyes lit up as she spoke passionately about her favorite Victorian novel (also when she recalled exactly where an obscure quote from an academic journal had come from, inCLUDING the year of publication 🤯)
Jul 14, 2024
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I'm a July baby. Growing up, I spent most of my birthdays alone. Some years because my friends had left the country. Some years because I'd left the country. Some years because I had no friends. And with every year passing, the pressure to spend my birthday surrounded by friends and family and to have a good time increased. Every year I felt like a failure when I couldn't make it happen. So I stopped telling people it's my birthday.
But today is my 28th birthday.
Jul 17, 2024
✨
I hadn't seen my friend since New Year's Eve. Now it was October, her wedding day, and she barely gave me the chance to gush over her gorgeous dress, her makeup, her jewelry.
"You look happier," she said. "Your energy has changed. It's much calmer now. I'm happy for you."
I love her for taking the time out of her special day to notice me like that.
Oct 13, 2024
The Dream has always been to become a writer, to pay my bills with my words - but The Dream isn't all that realistic. When money was running out quickly in July, I took a temp job at the HR department of a company full of finance bros. I was supposed to work there for four weeks, but Monday marks the start of week 10. I sort files all day, take notes for Substack pieces while I work, and go home to write all night. Afraid I'd never find a day job again, I found my peace of mind on the 5th floor of Rotterdam's Willemswerf. If only I could stay...
Sep 27, 2024