Adulting is a process. Iâm far from having it âtogetherâ but I have gotten better at say, filing taxes on time, balancing school and gym time, cooking, and keeping the house clean. None of these pieces came together at once, it was a process of learning each and making it a habit.
Lifelong learning a part of life. One thing Iâve learned through growing up is greater empathy for my parents. My mom was young when she had me and every time my birthday comes around, I realize how much she was doing at my age. (I donât have kids, I donât want kids, I respect people who choose to have kids, thatâs incredible but Jesus itâs a LOT of work)
Take it slow. Give yourself room to breathe. Love yourself. You have the rest of your life to perfect your habits and become good at âadultingâ.
Jul 6, 2024
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I have had to learn to give myself grace and allow myself to grow. I tend to be hard on myself and want to find the quickest way to success. I know success takes time and I must be patient with myself. I am working on comparing myself less and truly trying to work on myself. I've found that getting into a routine has been the most helpful thing I can do for my mental health. I've learned how to say no and set boundaries for myself to avoid burn out. The 20s are such an interesting time, my mantra: you cannot worry about the things you have zero control over <3
Jan 4, 2025
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youâre not in denial about your feelings! and you shouldnât be because thereâs nothing wrong with feeling the way you do especially because you want to change this train of thought.
iâm 26, lived a very sheltered life and would probably be what may be considered a âlate bloomerâ. couple that with only going to community college and graduating in the midst of lockdowns, i âlostâ even more of my âyounger yearsâ. when i was 21-24, i definitely let those same emotions run their course on me. i used to get pretty upset even watching coming of age movies or watching college kids go about their day to day lives. i realized i didnât want that feeling to run my life.
as harsh as it sounds, you just have to remind yourself that you cannot go back in time. youâll waste more time wallowing than you will growing and learning and exploring, causing you to internalize these negative feelings more. go out and explore and make mistakes and make sure to surround yourself with people are accepting of the fleeting nature of life as well.
also, you have so much adulthood ahead of you. 23 is not much in the grand scheme of things. iâm sure there are people 20, 30, 40+ years older than you who havenât worked through this thought process yet and are jealous of your youth. from where i stand right now, and based off those i know who are older than me, you never really stop learning how to be an adult.
all in all, there is no switch to turn off your emotions, so i know itâs easier said than done. 23 in general seems to be a rough year existentially for many, so just know youâre not alone, especially in the current cultural context. aging is a gift! so try to accept that gift gracefully by going easy on yourself.
Jul 11, 2024
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I've almost been in my 30's for 5 years and I've loved it. There's something about it that has been deepening and richening. I focus more on what matters to me, and cultive how I want my life to look. My 20's was wild and chaotic and a lot of hard inner and outer work. I still work hard, but I'm reaping the benefits of it a bit more now. I'm busy yet relaxed. I feel like I did the hard work earlier that I'm now really benefiting from.
When I turned 30 I wrote out 30+ lessons that I learned. I never shared it at the time because it felt egotistical lol, but it's actually pretty good so I'll share it here! Aging is a gift!! Embrace your fully formed brain. You'll always be changing and growing, but you're entering this beautiful space where you're still young and can relate to young folks, but you have enough experience to relate to older folks too. It's a blast!
Mossy Elfie's Hard Earned Lessons from her 20's
1. Laughter is truly the best medicine. KEEP PLAYING!
2. Express love to those you love as often as possible.
3. Learning to communicate effectively is the greatest tool you can have.
4. Being upfront about how you feel may lead to getting hurt, but will 100% benefit you in the long run.
5. There are lessons in every experience. This doesnât excuse trauma, but can help heal it.
6. Sometimes when a therapist or someone you love calls you out on your shit, you can feel itâs untrue because it actually is, or because youâre being defensive. Learn how to discern between the two.
7. Questioning your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs isnât threatening, even if it feels like it. Thereâs no harm- if itâs true, itâs true. If not, you can begin to change.
8. Itâs true, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important.
9. People are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
10. Listen to actions, not words. Even good people with the best intentions have flaws, and thatâs okay.
11. Everyoneâs path is different, and itâs so easy to judge. Itâs a good idea to learn how to detach from that. Let people live!! Including yourself.
12. Even if itâs bs, having faith the universe has your back provides endless calm and a sense of being loved + protected.
13. Children and animals will heal your soul. Volunteering at an animal shelter is always a good idea. Seriously, go do it.
14. You donât need to know all the steps or even have a clear end goal, but you do need a vision to work towards and the immediate next step.
15. Friends will come and go- thatâs natural. Itâs okay to be sad about it. A loss is a loss.
16. If something is consistently making you miserable, thatâs a good sign itâs not for you.
17. Go towards what brings you joy, especially regarding vocation. This doesnât mean it wonât be stressful or annoying at times, but the main feelings should be joy + accomplishment.
18. Despite what the culture tells you there is no timeline or rule book. Do whatever TF you want! But! Be healthy in that.
19. Crying, yelling, breathing, laughing, hugging all helps⌠a lot. EMOTE.
20. Everyone is working on something different, but weâre all striving for balance.
21. Your body changes constantly. I know the overarching message is to change it, but your body is a miracle. Being alive is a miracle! When youâre feeling down about your body, thatâs a sign to give it a ton of love, NOT to try and change it.
22. Forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person. You can forgive someone and not have them in your life.
23. Everyone truly has their own individual experiences, which is equally beautiful and terrifying to me.
24. No one can be forced to change. It only happens when they are ready. It doesnât matter if all the facts are known, it wonât happen until the internal shift does.
25. BREATHING will help solve every problem. Always begin and come back to deep breaths.
26. Change and growth can be hard. They can be really scary. But itâs not impossible. Everyone has the capacity to change.Â
27. Having empathy for others allows you to act from a space of love, even in anger. That doesnât mean being a doormat for peopleâs behavior, it just means in your anger youâre treating them with love and respect.
28. We are all ever changing, evolving beings. The work never stops- itâs a lifelong process.
29. You have and are going to make a ton of mistakes. You are going to hurt people. Please forgive yourself. No one benefits from you feeling eternally guilty, especially yourself. Take responsibility, have remorse, learn the lesson, and let go.
30. Nothing is permanent, especially feelings and thoughts. Soak up each moment and let it pass. Nothing bad will last forever, but neither will the good. Itâs all an ebb and flow so, flow.
31. Itâs so important to be honest with how youâve been wounded. Itâs equally important to be honest with how youâve wounded others. You need to heal from both.
32. Soak up and cherish every moment. Truly, seriously. That is what life is all about- experiences and the way you feel. Even my worst moments, Iâll probably never feel that way again. I treasure it all.
33. My god, life can be so hard. Just be fucking kind to one another.
34. The darkness always fades into light. The light always comes back. I promise.Â
Dec 3, 2024
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Feb 18, 2025
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Had a former English teacher recommend me this (we still get coffee hehe) and Iâm not too far into it but itâs already made me think about race and conversations about race differently.
Iâm biracial and in the introduction, Diangelo actually talks about the âmiddleâ and this idea of âsaliencyâ in regards to multiracial people, and I *never* hear people talk about the multiracial experience, even if the author admits itâs too complex of a topic to cover in her book which primarily tackles the idea of white fragility. But I very much appreciated her saying that and Iâm learning a lot from the book.
Jul 3, 2024
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This one isnt that long but it took me months because some of the grief and experiences he writes about are so raw and his writing would leave me so breathless I would have to keep taking breaks and have to set the book down for a few days. Never read anything so heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.
Jul 1, 2024