I’ve thought about this waaaaay too much.
at the end of my movie, im old, completely alone, and dying of lung cancer. in the hospital, my heart flatlines. The nurse has left the room, busy with other patients. No one notices I’ve died.
This song starts playing. the credits start rolling over the following scene:
cut to me on a vast, empty road somewhere in rural idaho. a border collie leads me down the vacant road. she runs back and forth across the road, barking at me, telling me to keep following her. we are utterly free. no one but the two of us. i smile.
Jul 19, 2024
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i was listening to this song on soundcloud and reading the comments and one of them said ‘god i want this to be played at my funeral’. since then i haven’t felt the same whenever i listen to it. maybe it’s because the lyrics are what i’m scared the end will be like, or because it’s slow enough that i won’t be rushing through all the memories.
i wrote a substack post about this. cos i can never shut up lol.
Dec 23, 2024
You feel like you're a failure
And it's enough to make you sick
Listened to this song at the end of my RMYC term. In this big van with my crew, knowing that I'll probably never see them all together again like this driving together through the mountains. I was coming to terms with the end of my relationship, grieving that, and anticipating the grief of the end of my term.. knowing I'd have to go back to real life soon.
Jun 25, 2024
While the song is mostly about interpersonal relationships, adulthood, spiritual uncertainty and the inevitable suffering that comes with being in a relationship, I think about the lines "our disease is the same one as the trees, unaware that they've been living in a forest" a lot... but in a different context.
So, storytime:
I moved to London in September last year to study for my Master's degree. I came here alone without any friends or family.
I am usually very introverted irl. I spend most of my time reading books and listening to music all day instead of going to random pubs and talking to people for no reason.
The art of social-skydiving scares me and I find it very hard to approach and talk to people even if it's just telling the stranger sat next to me on the bus that I like their earrings. Since I spend most of my time indoors by myself, I haven't been able to make a lot of friends. Only maybe two people that I can think of and that I can trust my life with but we don't really hang out with each other cause they have very busy lives of their own and live far away from each other.
Having lived in random small towns in India for most of my life, I'm used to an environment where life is slow, everyone knows each other's names and have a stronger sense of community. I even walk very slowly and daydream quite a bit and I’m the type to stop and smell the roses kind.
A friend of mine told me before I moved here that people often feel the loneliest in the biggest of cities and I think that is somewhat true. Everything and everyone moves so quickly here. Everyone seems to be in a constant rush, trying to get into the nearest tube carriage before the doors close, go to their next business meeting or hurry to buy groceries. Moving here alone and spending most of my time studying indoors, loneliness and social isolation hit me like a brick in my face in a way I wasn't prepared for.
That's why I'm so grateful I found this website earlier this year where I got to meet and connect with so many beautiful and amazing people like mouse tiff marxinista r1ana caffy and dagny irl.
The song lyrics remind me that while all of us are here, existing and breathing the same air, we sometimes feel super-isolated and lonely and not able to really connect with people on a deeper, more meaningful level but we're all on our own individual journeys living, learning and growing together whilst being completely unaware of the suffering of the person right next to us might be going through.
Be kind to people y'all 🫶
Dec 21, 2024
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Feb 18, 2025
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Had a former English teacher recommend me this (we still get coffee hehe) and I’m not too far into it but it’s already made me think about race and conversations about race differently.
I’m biracial and in the introduction, Diangelo actually talks about the “middle” and this idea of “saliency” in regards to multiracial people, and I *never* hear people talk about the multiracial experience, even if the author admits it’s too complex of a topic to cover in her book which primarily tackles the idea of white fragility. But I very much appreciated her saying that and I’m learning a lot from the book.
Jul 3, 2024
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This one isnt that long but it took me months because some of the grief and experiences he writes about are so raw and his writing would leave me so breathless I would have to keep taking breaks and have to set the book down for a few days. Never read anything so heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.
Jul 1, 2024