i was listening to this song on soundcloud and reading the comments and one of them said ‘god i want this to be played at my funeral’. since then i haven’t felt the same whenever i listen to it. maybe it’s because the lyrics are what i’m scared the end will be like, or because it’s slow enough that i won’t be rushing through all the memories.
i wrote a substack post about this. cos i can never shut up lol.
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I always wanted to die clean and pretty
But I'd be too busy on working days
So I am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted
I couldn't have changed anyways
I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy
Goodbye
Jun 20, 2024
I’ve thought about this waaaaay too much.
at the end of my movie, im old, completely alone, and dying of lung cancer. in the hospital, my heart flatlines. The nurse has left the room, busy with other patients. No one notices I’ve died.
This song starts playing. the credits start rolling over the following scene:
cut to me on a vast, empty road somewhere in rural idaho. a border collie leads me down the vacant road. she runs back and forth across the road, barking at me, telling me to keep following her. we are utterly free. no one but the two of us. i smile.
Jul 19, 2024
tbh the song is so long that if it was a slow burn i'd be okay with having it play out to the end even if the death was tragic, also not that it could happen but my death would ideally be in slow motion, therefore this song is perfect
May 17, 2024
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no it’s not dirty cuz i don’t get crumbs everywhere when i eat!! i feel so grounded and at one with everything around me simply because i am not limiting myself to the dining table. i’m eating in bed as i type this.
Dec 24, 2024
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i probably shouldn’t do this. i definitely shouldn’t, actually. i do it anyway. i write a substack piece all in one go then i take a breath and hit ‘post’ before i give myself the time to read it over. i think if i didn’t do this i would never post anything cuz i’d be stuck in an endless loop of redrafting.
writing to get it out into the world is enough of an intention for me. if i were to be any more careful in my practice i doubt anything would get written at all.
Dec 23, 2024
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Dec 24, 2024