a) how long / frequently youâve been seeing them. if itâs only been a week or two, with mostly over-the-phone or texts, itâs not rude of you to just be like oh hey I rly liked talking to you, but I think my heart is calling me elsewhere.
b) if itâs been a few irl interactions, dates and mundane conversations â then it depends on whether youâd prefer a text, call or face to face interaction. before you break it to them, forgive yourself!! you are allowed to say no!! Donât settle, even if itâs for reasons that are just regarding preference and chemistry. Be upfront (I want to wander elsewhere), offer your condolences (i know you care about me, so Iâm sorry if this feels like rejection. I appreciate you and (insert personality trait) but I donât want to waste both of our time!
You can retain a level of friendship if you wish, but make sure that the other indivisual is respectful of your lack of interest. Sometimes friendship = okay let me convince them đ which doesnât end well.
Honestly, just ask yourself what youâd want to hear! Below, Iâm attaching a screenshot of a text I sent to a man who I felt was ghosting me, afrer a reasonable period of time of me requesting better communication. I wanted to hear from him that he was no longer interested, but I was tired of waiting for answersâŠ.
you got this!! trust yourself
Jul 27, 2024
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ghosting in the way we discuss it in popular culture isnât real. people yak and yak about how you have to communicate if a fling isnât working for you or youâll hurt someoneâs feelings; well, not responding to a text is a form of communication, and hurting someoneâs feelings is just going to happen in dating. you donât owe your time and some lame explanation to someone youâre not in a relationship with when the chemistry isnât there.
i donât say that to be a cynic or one of these âyou are the only person in this world who actually mattersâ LA narcissists, but we are all way too beholden to each other and obsessed with being available to the point of self-harm.
when i am just starting to talk to someone and they apologize profusely for not texting back quickly, i feel really sad. why do we all feel like we have to be waiting by the phone, obligated to every person who wants to get a hold of us and shackled to responding like itâs a job? why is going to lunch with a friend and not looking at your phone suddenly something you need to apologize for? thatâs not real human connection - that is a new, sick expectation manifesting as guilt, based on accursed technology that allows us to constantly be in contact when we shouldnât be.
i hooked up with someone recently and went on one additional date, but we didnât really connect that much and there just wasnât chemistry between us, so the next time they texted asking about a date i didnât respond.
i was overcome with this weird shame afterward based on this arbitrary concept that has popped up in the cultural zeitgeist. i felt like i owed this person who i had very little chemistry with some kind of explanation of why i didnât think it would work out, and i felt like i was doing something wrong because i didnât want to talk to this person about something as basic as âthe vibe wasnât there.â
rejection hurts, and ghosting is a form of rejection. itâs also completely valid. nobody owes me an explanation if they donât feel like the date was good. nobody owes me constant communication. i am so tired of people feeling like they have to apologize for not being on their phone texting me back every second of the day. yeah, âghostingâ causes negative feelings. so does any form of rejection. you donât owe someone you werenât in a relationship with closure. not responding is the rejection and that is closure enough.
Jan 29, 2024
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I am just learning this lesson as a deeply anxious person when it comes to dating/crushing! Weâre told on social media so many things about being pursued and black cat energy and how to get men to chase etc. (Which a lot of these ideas are true and beneficial to keeping healthy detachment).
But, Iâve seen none of these methods work for me and actually have caused me a lot of wasted anxiety. Obviously donât be too clingy or overwhelm communication. But thereâs genuinely nothing wrong with showing interest by maintaining communication with someone youâre into. Hereâs an example:
I met this guy that I like..alot. When weâre in person itâs ELECTRIC, but our texts are consistent/not as electric. I decided to go a week not texting to âtest his interestâ. Hated how I felt doing it. Last night I just said, âHey :) you doing okay?â to which he responded âHolaaaaaaâ.
I instantly felt like an idiot because that text felt quite dry to me. So I went on Tiktok for advice and naturally every video said âIf his text is dry pull back and ghost him because heâs not interested.â
But that didnât feel right for me, and discouraged me a lot. especially based on our past communication, I just didnât feel he was pulling back. So I decided to just try my own approach. I said, âIâd like to chat with you. You around this weekend?â
He INSTANTLY facetimed me and we had a wonderful hour long catch up where we both realized texting sucks and itâs so much nicer to chat on the phone. (We live in different countries atm)
My point here is, if I wouldâve listened to all of this advice, I wouldâve pushed away someone I really enjoy based on what society considers the right way to date.
DO YOU & BE YOU. You canât say or do the wrong thing to the right person :)
Nov 29, 2024
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stranger in the library asking for a hug? pretend you're listening to music and walk away!
not enjoying that dicey movie rec your friend sent you, cuz its a little too edgy? turn it off!
ur dating app match got too obsessed way too quickly, wont stop saying the l word? ghost em!
well- maybe the ghosting thing is controversial. but man i dont think we owe these fellas our time, keep your safe space safe even if that means walking away without telling them. maybe that's safer sometimes, too. i dunno. i also just dont like confrontation. oops.
Feb 17, 2025
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I got my nails done and I realized the star on the index finger makes the nails PI themed. Semi unconscious yet a soft-smile realization while the nail tech was painting the star on.
Dec 18, 2024
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I was celibi-cied for like 3 years after my situationship became an âomfg-you-are-a-serial-cheater-on-your-girlfriend-of-four-years!â Hella afraid of love, intimacy and everything.
over the past few months, Iâve been casual dating for no other means than finding out what I like and donât like. Iâve had good and bad sex, been given flowers on the first date and then ghosted, moved to the UK and had my first proper one night stand (every other one was too drunken to remember lol) and am currently on my first bae-cation with a man I am slowly falling in love with.
I promise you, dating for fun rather than for long-term involvement is so much more enriching than you think. As youâre floating around, you learn to decenter men and tolerate their mansplaining a lot less. You find out that no, you do not want to make a sex tape on the first date, and then youâll slowly trickle in the good stuff. Kind men who just listen to you, and are a little different than the other men youâve seen. Youâll learn to love being treated kindly, and cherish that above all else story-watching-liking-no game bs.
Itâs sounds sooo irritating to say shit like phhh donât look for it, itâll come for you!! But girl as annoying as it is⊠that is the truth of the matter. I donât know if this guy is my finish
line, but I did just orgasm like 8 times đđŸ I met on hinge, and lowkey ghosted him intially. give the guy in your dms a chance for real âŠ.
Wishing you and your future lover all the bestâŠ.
p.s copying the other user by attaching a relevant song đ
Nov 10, 2024
I love British Columbia cos Iâm from here. So surreal and beautiful and peaceful.
WEST COAST BEST COAST RAHHHHHH
The pic is from a bat walk I went on yesterday. this shit is literally my backyard #crazyassprivelage
Jul 25, 2024