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ghosting

ghosting in the way we discuss it in popular culture isn’t real. people yak and yak about how you have to communicate if a fling isn’t working for you or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings; well, not responding to a text is a form of communication, and hurting someone’s feelings is just going to happen in dating. you don’t owe your time and some lame explanation to someone you’re not in a relationship with when the chemistry isn’t there. i don’t say that to be a cynic or one of these “you are the only person in this world who actually matters” LA narcissists, but we are all way too beholden to each other and obsessed with being available to the point of self-harm. when i am just starting to talk to someone and they apologize profusely for not texting back quickly, i feel really sad. why do we all feel like we have to be waiting by the phone, obligated to every person who wants to get a hold of us and shackled to responding like it’s a job? why is going to lunch with a friend and not looking at your phone suddenly something you need to apologize for? that’s not real human connection - that is a new, sick expectation manifesting as guilt, based on accursed technology that allows us to constantly be in contact when we shouldn’t be. i hooked up with someone recently and went on one additional date, but we didn’t really connect that much and there just wasn’t chemistry between us, so the next time they texted asking about a date i didn’t respond. i was overcome with this weird shame afterward based on this arbitrary concept that has popped up in the cultural zeitgeist. i felt like i owed this person who i had very little chemistry with some kind of explanation of why i didn’t think it would work out, and i felt like i was doing something wrong because i didn’t want to talk to this person about something as basic as “the vibe wasn’t there.” rejection hurts, and ghosting is a form of rejection. it’s also completely valid. nobody owes me an explanation if they don’t feel like the date was good. nobody owes me constant communication. i am so tired of people feeling like they have to apologize for not being on their phone texting me back every second of the day. yeah, “ghosting” causes negative feelings. so does any form of rejection. you don’t owe someone you weren’t in a relationship with closure. not responding is the rejection and that is closure enough.

@ellego0ds

Jan 29, 2024

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alleviating responsibility

i had to learn to let go of those exact questions as well. although specific romantic situations weren't the main subject, therapy helped with reframing situations like this. idk about you, but the why 'x' , should i 'y', how will i 'z' questions for me were often assuming some responsibility over what happened. i think what i (and maybe you) needed to find out is why a fleeting connection upset me. - did an interraction/ghosting make me feel insecure about my personality/looks? - am i genuinely sad to be losing this person? - am i missing the attention? (/did i think they were giving me something i can't [spoiler: you can] give myself?) ( +extra why do i value their opinion [that i made up in my head because they never actually communicated it] of me more than my own?) i believe most of these ghosting (-like) situations don't necessarily have as much depth. more than likely the ghoster hasn't made up an enormously morbid and horrendous picture of you in their head that made them uninterested. i don't know if you met through a dating app but it's especially easy to lose connection on there. there are some really cool and genuine people on there but very many humans like the rush of meeting someone new and once it's not giving them as much of the yummy brain chemicals they want the next thing. effort seems like a currency and unfortunately some run pretty low on those funds and periodicaly i do too (which is when i stop using the apps and save mine and others' time too). and then of course there are personal reasons but anyway. i try to look at brief connections like that as some warm up for someone really cool that's gonna come into my life and be grateful that it happened whatever way things turned out. might be cool to write out some things that you are glad you experienced, things you learned about relationships and most importantly some things you learned about yourself! i believe each person teaches something to you both about themselves and yourself, kinda like some sort of spiritual exchange tldr: - try not to assume responsibilty - find out why it bothers you - write down what you learned about yourself

@loopsie

Jul 21, 2024

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it all depends on

a) how long / frequently you’ve been seeing them. if it’s only been a week or two, with mostly over-the-phone or texts, it’s not rude of you to just be like oh hey I rly liked talking to you, but I think my heart is calling me elsewhere. b) if it’s been a few irl interactions, dates and mundane conversations — then it depends on whether you’d prefer a text, call or face to face interaction. before you break it to them, forgive yourself!! you are allowed to say no!! Don’t settle, even if it‘s for reasons that are just regarding preference and chemistry. Be upfront (I want to wander elsewhere), offer your condolences (i know you care about me, so I’m sorry if this feels like rejection. I appreciate you and (insert personality trait) but I don’t want to waste both of our time! You can retain a level of friendship if you wish, but make sure that the other indivisual is respectful of your lack of interest. Sometimes friendship = okay let me convince them 😍 which doesn’t end well. Honestly, just ask yourself what you’d want to hear! Below, I’m attaching a screenshot of a text I sent to a man who I felt was ghosting me, afrer a reasonable period of time of me requesting better communication. I wanted to hear from him that he was no longer interested, but I was tired of waiting for answers…. you got this!! trust yourself

@harmanzworlddddd

Jul 27, 2024

Top Recs from @mangle

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mutual aid

have to remember to pay it forward for my roommates' friends helping us feed the cats thru this freeze. i shall do this by getting into the community garden and growin em some sweet veg when it warms up.

@mangle

Feb 20, 2025

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bros before hoes???

i mean yeah i know i was kinda gay for ya and not tryna do anything about it but do we rlly gotta stop hanging/calling bc u tryna talk to some "fine shyt" or whatever

@mangle

Feb 19, 2025

5

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my big flex is tyler the creator keeps liking my posts

@mangle

Feb 20, 2025

1